Chronicles of a Divine Thief
by Meyahviing
Summary: (Prequel, LN Spoilers) Many, many decades before Kazuma arrived, the Goddess Eris created a human disguise named Chris to explore the world, searching for the cheat items left behind by Aqua's Japanese heroes. Of course, in this world, regardless of the era, nothing ever goes according to plan. Follow Chris's adventures in the familiar, yet also different world of the past!
1. Prologue

O Month X Day

I've decided to start keeping a diary to pass the time. When no souls come to me, I'm happy, because it means no one has lost their life. But I'd be lying if I said I didn't get bored here sometimes. This diary seemed like a good idea because I can write it without leaving my post. As for what to write about… no one came today, so I'm rather happy about that. Hopefully things continue to be peaceful.

O Month X Day

Three people came today, a party of adventurers. Cause of death: they were exploring a dungeon and fell into a deadly trap. They were berating themselves for their carelessness, but they didn't seem too distraught. Well, by becoming adventurers they were already prepared to risk their lives, after all. Two of them chose to reincarnate, while the third decided to ascend to heaven. I think it's a shame that promising young people like them had their lives cut short, but I'm glad they were quick to accept it. Their biggest regret was that they didn't claim the treasure hidden within the heart of the dungeon. I wonder, if I were a mortal adventurer, could I have reached it?

O Month X Day

Only two people today. The first was a young boy. Cause of death: falling off a cliff while playing in the mountains. Such a young life lost. I really wish there had been a priest in the nearby village that could've cast Resurrection on him, but unfortunately that spell is difficult to learn, and only a select few priests can cast it. He chose to reincarnate. I did my best to ensure that his next family would be as loving as his last, though I imagine that in his next life he may experience acrophobia.

The other was a middle-aged fisherman. Cause of death: murdered by a demon while walking home with his catch… I haven't had this job for long, and this is my first time meeting someone who was murdered. When I asked the man if he wanted to be reincarnated, his eyes filled with fear, and he frantically demanded to go to heaven… I've known demons were evil, but actually seeing the effects of their malevolence firsthand was still a shock. To think that there are beings in the world capable of such terror that those killed by them would want to leave this world forever… frankly, it sickens me.

O Month X Day

Twelve souls arrived today. All civilians from the same village. Cause of death: all were slain by a roving band of demons. Of the twelve, only two chose to reincarnate. The rest all fled to heaven. I offered my condolences, but comforting words can only go so far. One of them, more distraught than the others, shouted, "If you really cared, why didn't you save us!?" That's not fair. I'm performing my duties in accordance with the laws of heaven. If a god were to interfere directly, it would violate those principles… right? No matter what I tell myself, that person's words still haunted me.

O Month X Day

56 souls arrived. Soldiers. Cause of death: a war against the demons. Only six chose to reincarnate.

O Month X Day

231 souls arrived. 227 were soldiers. Cause of death: battle. None chose to reincarnate.

The other 4 were civilians. Cause of death, a fire broke out in a village due to a lightning strike. The civilians had lost their lives while pulling others out of the fire. They all chose to reincarnate. I gave the brave heroes my blessing so that their next lives will be fortunate.

O Month X Day

Only eight souls arrived today. Soldiers. Cause of death: battle. But when I looked into their memories, something was wrong. There were hundreds of deaths in that battle, but only these eight had come to me. I looked closer at the battlefield. Undead. Most of the soldiers killed had been reanimated by a demon necromancer, trapping their souls in a cursed existence. It took all of my effort to keep myself from descending to smite that demon. By the way, none of those eight souls chose to reincarnate. The thought of how they had barely escaped the horrible fate of becoming an undead had overpowered any positive feelings they had for this world.

O Month X Day

Only two souls arrived today. Soldiers. Cause of death: battle. Seeing this low number again, I feared the worst, but when I looked into their memories I saw something unexpected. A black-haired youth mowing down ranks of demons at a time with a sword filled with holy power. Casualties were low since the lone warrior held the line against the demons' forces by himself. That sword is definitely the work of a god. I need to look into this.

O Month X Day

It was Aqua-senpai. After seeing the rising casualties and low reincarnation rate of this world, she took it upon herself to reincarnate a soul from another world and give him a powerful boon. She did this without informing me, then earlier today she barged in and demanded my gratitude. The hero she sent has indeed been successful so far in fighting back the demons, but I wish she wouldn't make such reckless decisions on her own. Then again, perhaps this is just my lack of experience showing. Surely my senpai wouldn't have done that if she didn't know what she was doing.

* * *

O Month X Day

It's been a while since my last entry. The hero, after pushing back the demon army, managed to take down the demon king leading them, ending this horrible war. It seems I must apologize to Aqua-senpai for doubting her methods.

There were only two deaths today, an old woman and a teenage boy. Causes of death: the woman passed peacefully from old age, and the boy had fallen victim to a hunting accident. The woman ascended to heaven. The boy lived in the capital city of his kingdom, and thankfully there was a priest able to resurrect him. He was fun to talk to, so I hope I don't meet him again for a long time… This job is hard sometimes.

* * *

O Month X Day

Today the hero died. Since the last war, there have been new demon kings, and new wars started. The hero fought valiantly, saving the world many times, but inevitably he made a misstep and was struck down by an unbreakable curse. Though he had an Archpriest in his party, I could not allow him to be revived. He had already lived a second life, and the laws of heaven prohibit a mortal to be resurrected more than once. He chose to go to heaven instead of reincarnating.

I informed Aqua that the hero she sent had died, and she responded by saying she would just send more over. Is it really that easy to find a heroic soul among the young souls that visit her?

* * *

O Month X Day

There have been a total of four heroes now, including the first one. As to their quality… it varies. The first and fourth were brave souls who embraced their new mission. The second and third, however, were lacking in heroic traits. The second one shut himself away in a secluded place, using his boon to simply make his life easier. The third was antisocial and unstable. He fought alone, making no connections, and though he eventually killed the demon king, he took up his mantle and became the new ruler of the demons in his place. I confronted Aqua-senpai about her choice of souls, but she got defensive and said things along the line of "Young Japanese people are the best choice since they're the best at adapting to these circumstances" and "Why are you complaining when I'm going through all of this work to send heroes in the first place? You should be thankful that I'm able to send any at all!" Aqua-senpai really is unreasonable.

* * *

O Month X Day

The latest hero has created a natural disaster. Working with the technologically advanced nation of Noise, he created an ultimate weapon known as Mobile Fortress Destroyer. It went berserk and razed the entire nation to the ground. The loss of that nation alone will probably set back the technological level of this world by several centuries, not to mention that this superweapon will continue to rampage indefinitely.

This catastrophe led me to think about other lasting effects the heroes may have on this world, when I had a sudden realization. The holy sword the first hero wielded was not returned to heaven after his death, but instead remained in the world. The same applied to equipment the other heroes possessed. I need to look into this more.

By the way, 483,427 souls visited me today. Cause of death: see above.

O Month X Day

After some investigation, here is what I've discovered. The boon equipment wielded by the heroes will have weakened effects when wielded by others, with the exception of sentient items. However, the heroes' descendants, if they obtain the equipment, can access their full power. In addition, heroes whose boons were special powers or abilities also pass down those powers to their descendants, without any loss of effectiveness. The nation of Belzerg has apparently discovered this long ago, and has integrated heroes into their royal bloodline, creating a line of what are effectively superhumans.

All of this is giving me a headache. I need to figure out how to clean up all of this.

O Month X Day

I need to either seal the relics (heroes' equipment) or return them to heaven. As for the boons that give the heroes' descendants special powers, I've concluded that nothing can be done about that short of killing every one of them, which naturally is out of the question, so I'll just leave them be. So now I need to figure out how to collect these relics. I thought about asking some angels to descend and retrieve them, but their appearance would cause a humongous commotion, and those who would be reluctant to hand over their relics would hide them away. In addition, most angels have… troublesome personalities. Some are completely incapable of deceit, while others speak their thoughts aloud constantly, regardless of how unflattering they are.

So how should I go about this…

* * *

O Month X Day

I've been working on a plan to allow me to descend to the world myself. When I first started, I wouldn't have dared to consider leaving my post, but the more I think about it now, the more feasible it seems. First of all, my job doesn't usually require constant work. When I'm not meeting with a soul, and there aren't any other matters to attend to, I'm technically free. Secondly, time here in heaven is much slower than time on this world: several months down there are equivalent to just a single hour here in heaven. This means that I could be away for months at a time, and any souls that have been sent to me would have been waiting for an hour at most by the time I returned. Resurrection spells don't need any interaction from me as long as they're following the rules, so people dying in the world won't need to wait a month to resurrect. And of course I would still know when someone died, so I could go back immediately if I absolutely needed to.

There's just one more wrinkle I have to sort out. If I descend in my full divine form, it would be even worse than sending the angels down. Therefore, I'm working on creating a mortal vessel to use.

I'll also need a pseudonym to use, since even in a body without divine power, calling myself "Eris" would still attract unnecessary attention. How about… "Chris"?


	2. Initiation (1)

_O Month X Day_

_Today one person visited me, a young man. Cause of death: sacrificed himself to save a child from a starving Rookie Killer. Upon meeting me, he said "Where's the real Eris?" When I asked him what he meant, he replied, "Everyone knows the real Eris has a bountiful chest full of divine benevolence. With that pitiful chest of yours, there's no way you're Eris." To think that this rude person died a hero. People really are complicated, aren't they. … This is troubling, though. While he's the first to say it so bluntly, I've seen others glancing at my chest with an expression of disbelief. How did my image get so distorted? … Perhaps I should wear pads or something, so that my believers aren't disappointed when they meet me. I don't like the idea of deceiving them, but the only other option would be to send a divine revelation to the Archpriests of my churches telling them to reduce my bust size on all depictions of me._

…

_I'll get some pads. As for that young man, he chose to be reincarnated. For his heroic actions, I blessed him to be born into a noble family. For divine retribution for his sexual harassment, I cursed him to never be able to reach a toilet when he's about to vomit._

* * *

I took a moment to breathe in the fresh air around me, and felt the warm sun on my face. So this is the mortal world. It might sound wrong coming from a goddess, but I think it's far more beautiful than heaven. I turned my gaze forward. In front of me is the city of Accelia, founded 30 years ago to nurture novice adventurers in a relatively safe environment. If you ask me though, Accelia is a rather ostentatious name for what is supposed to be a place meant for beginners. They should probably shorten it.

I walked up to the gate, introducing myself as a traveler to the guards, and proceeded into the city. Neither the guards nor the citizens walking around the city seemed to think there was anything conspicuous about me. The vessel I'm using is physically identical to my real body, since I wasn't able to make any significant changes to it; therefore, to help disguise it, I relied on more subtle methods. I cut the hair of this body short, and dressed it in uninteresting clothes. I also decided not to give it pads. Of course this helps to make this body more unlike the people's image of "Eris," but mostly, I'm just happy to finally have a chance to be free of them. Ever since Aqua-senpai found out, she wouldn't stop teasing me about them. It feels liberating to be free of that, even if just for a short time.

I made my way to the Adventurer's Guild to register myself. Before I get started on hunting relics, I need to establish a living here. Getting money for food and shelter, making connections and allies, there's a lot to do before I jump headfirst into my mission. As I walked down the street, however, I noticed that the atmosphere was rather subdued. People walked with their heads down, and the chatter I'd normally expect from a public place was absent. I entered the guild, only to meet the same nervous atmosphere. I had always imagined the Adventurer's Guild as a rowdy, excitable place. Instead, people were sitting quietly at tables, looking for safe, low-risk quests, or speaking to each other in hushed whispers.

It's understandable, of course. In this world, it's only been a year since the country of Noise was destroyed by its own creation, the Mobile Fortress Destroyer. As the most technologically advanced country in the world collapsed, the demon king's army took the chance to renew their attacks. It's only thanks to a group of mages calling themselves the Crimson Demon Clan that the demons were kept at bay.

I headed over to the registration desk, where an elderly woman was working as the receptionist.

"Hello there! I'd like to register as an adventurer!"

"Certainly, young lady. Do you have the registration fee? It's 300 eris."

I froze. Crap. My plan had been to raise any funds I needed through adventurer work, since if I just magically created any money I needed, it would disrupt the economy. But to think there'd be a fee just to get started. Thankfully, I did set aside a small amount of emergency funds, but I hadn't expected to dip into it so quickly. I need to learn more about life in this world as soon as possible. By the way, though I already knew about it, it's a bit embarrassing to hear my name being used as currency.

After paying the registration fee, the receptionist asked for my name and my intended job.

"My name is Chris, and I'd like to become a Thief."

While a job like Archpriest would feel most natural for me, the Thief job is the obvious choice for my mission. The relics could be in all kinds of dangerous places, and may be held by people who might not willingly part with them. The woman brought out the scanning device used to create adventurer's card, and input the information I gave her. I pricked my finger using the needle and dropped my blood onto the crystal. It glowed for about half a minute, before the machine printed out my card. The woman took it and read it over to make sure there weren't any mistakes.

"Let's see… Strength and vitality are average. Magic, agility, speed, and intelligence are quite good. And your luck… huh?"

"What's the matter?"

"… Sorry missy, but I think there must've been an error in the machine. This can't possibly be correct."

Damn. When I created this vessel, I made it as a regular human, without any divinity. As a result, its stats should've been scaled down to human levels. It seems like despite that, my luck still managed to reach absurd levels. I know I'm the goddess of luck, but isn't this still a bit ridiculous?

After that was sorted out, it was time to do a quick quest to break in this body and earn some funds. While I tried to avoid giving myself excess wealth, I did equip this body with a pair of high-quality daggers. After all, my intention was to avoid disrupting the economy, not to make things unnecessarily difficult for myself. From the quest list, I took the quest "Giant Toad Hunting (5)." It's a straightforward quest with relatively high payout, and low-level enemies like toads should be safe to practice on.

* * *

I walked slowly across the field, sneaking up on the first giant toad I encountered. It's a bit bigger than I had expected, but it shouldn't be a problem. Worst comes to worst, I should be able to outrun it. I think.

As I drew closer, I used the Lurk skill to erase my presence. The skill works best when there is cover to hide behind, so in this open field it loses a lot of its effectiveness. However, like most Thief skills, it also scales with luck, so I'm not too worried. Speaking of skills, I only had enough skill points to get a few of them. Making this body like that of an ordinary human had its downsides. Aside from Lurk, I currently have Steal for utility and Assassinate for damage output. Activating the second of those skills, I lunged at the toad.

* * *

I miscalculated. Horribly. My initial attack failed to pierce all the way through the toad's blubbery exterior, and my daggers got stuck. While I struggled to pull them out, the toad lashed its tongue around and nearly caught me. It took 10 minutes of dashing and dodging around before I could retrieve both my weapons, and then another half hour of rapid attacks before the toad finally bled out. Seriously, why is a mere toad so resilient!? My body also got covered in the toad's slime as I was attempting to pull my weapons out. I started to question my obsession with the adventurer life.

As I washed myself in the bathhouse, I thought about my main weakness: firepower. My Assassinate skill allows for a single strong strike, but as I found out today, it's not enough to offset my low level and base strength. If I give up on this quest, thought, it'll mean failing my very first quest. Aside from the penalties from the guild, it'd be a moral defeat for me. …Since long ago, I'd dreamed of experiencing an adventurer's life like this, so running away now would just be too pitiful. I'm a goddess, dammit! I'm not going to let some dumb amphibian get the best of me! I need to improve my strength and… no, wait, what am I doing? I'm not here to play around, I'm here to find relics! I took a deep breath to cool my head. The money from that one toad should be enough for the next day, so I'll shelve this matter for now and work on collecting information tomorrow.

I rented a room in the inn, and went straight to bed. Strictly speaking, I could just return to heaven to sleep, but it would mean a lot of time passing down here. More than that, I just really want to experience an adventurer's life in every aspect. The bed was decently soft, and the sounds of drunk singing came up from below. It seems that even in times like these, alcohol can still help people to relax and enjoy themselves. Which reminds me, I've never had a drink before. Maybe I'll try some after... zzzzz...

* * *

The next day, I asked some people in the guild about any strange happenings in the area.

"Strange happenings, huh? Well, a local noble named Feldus is complaining about break-ins in his castle up on the hill to the north. Apparently nothing has been taken yet, but they can't catch the thief. Even though he sets off every alarm in the castle, they can never catch sight of him."

An invisible thief you say.

"You wanna know what's strange? That fellow Terry taking down all those high level monsters is strange! Don't get me wrong, the dude's not a bad fighter, but the things he's killing should be way too tough for him to even scratch, and yet he's killing them by the boatload, alone. I'm telling you, there's something fishy going on there."

Could just be a guy jealous of someone else's success. I need more information to say for sure.

"The cabbage migration is late this year. It should've been here last week, yet we haven't seen head nor leaf of them!"

I doubt this is relevant to any relics.

"Strange? Lemme tell you what's strange! Not a single girl I've asked out in the last month has said yes! Like, come on, what's not to like!? I'm strong, handsome, decently well off, I can speak two languages, and you know, I…"

Can I go back to heaven now?

* * *

The castle break-ins seem like the best lead, since I have an idea which relic might be responsible. That being said, if I'm to catch this unseen intruder, I'm going to need some more skills, namely Enemy Detection and Bind. And to do that, I need more skill points. Which means I need to level up. Which brings me back to that damn quest.

As I paced around the guild trying to think of a better strategy for fighting those toads, my eyes fell upon the bulletin board. It contained quests, notices, and… a couple party recruitment ads. Of course! If I need more attack power, I should find other adventurers to work with! This could also help in my goal of making connections, so it's two birds with one stone, right?

I quickly wrote up my own ad:

"Thief looking for a powerful frontline fighter!"

and posted it and went to a table to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

…

Why isn't anyone showing up? I looked around the guild, taking in the nervous atmosphere. Hm. Perhaps people are still scared, and want to stick with those they know they can trust. After all, there have been incidents of demons that can disguise themselves as humans.

Or maybe I'm overthinking it, and my ad just wasn't enticing enough. Perhaps I need to add some catchy lines or incentives? Maybe some pictures.

My thoughts were suddenly interrupted by a voice.

"Hey, I saw your ad. You're looking for a frontline warrior, right?"

The voice belonged to a young man. I looked up. His gold hair and blue eyes, along with his expensive looking greatsword, instantly identified him as a noble. The unusual part was his armor. He had none. He was wearing regular clothes. His bearing seemed like that of an experienced fighter, though he couldn't be older than 20. I'm guessing he was trained from a young age? Oh right, he's waiting for an answer.

"Yes, that's my ad. I'm Chris, what's your name?"

"Pleased to meet you, Chris. My name is Dustiness Ford Sirius. Please take care of me."


	3. Initiation (2)

_O Month X Day_

_An adventurer visited me today. A swordswoman. Cause of death: killed by her companion's spell. She had pinned down a demon general, and shouted at her partner to blast them both. He didn't hesitate, and thanks to them, the demon general was defeated. Could there have been another way? I don't know. The swordswoman didn't have any regrets though. She saw it as the only option, and her companion trusted her judgement to the end. I wonder what it's like to have someone you trust with not only your life, but also their own. The closest thing I have to a companion is Aqua-senpai._

…

_The swordswoman asked if she could wait to be reincarnated so that she could start her new life at the same time as her companion. It's a bit unorthodox, but I decided to make an exception._

* * *

Did I hear that right? Dustiness? If I remember correctly, that's one of the top noble houses of this kingdom. The "Shield" of the royal family, I think. Its members are known for their remarkable hardiness.

And one of them has come to me…

"So, Dustiness-dono –"

"Please, just call me Sirius. I'm not much for formalities." He flashed a gentle smile as he said that. Yep, definitely a noble.

"… okay then, Sirius-san. Someone like you should have your pick of the strongest parties in the country. Why are you trying to party with an unknown newbie Thief like me?"

"…"

The smile froze on his face. I quickly glanced around the room. The other adventurers all avoided eye contact.

Hey. There's something you guys aren't telling me, isn't there.

… well, let's not be too hasty in judging him. After all, it's not like I have a wealth of options here.

"Well, nevermind that. So, what's your job and level?"

"I'm level 27, and I excel at dealing out damage! If it's firepower you're looking for, I'm your man!"

Did he think I wouldn't notice him so obviously dodging the first half of my question. I don't have time for this.

"May I see your adventurer's card?"

"… no."

"Yeah, I don't think this is going to work. Any other applicants?"

"H-Hey, what's with that sudden rejection!? I'm not lying, I really am strong!"

"If you can't even trust me enough to tell me your job, I don't see any future in working with you."

He seemed taken aback by my scolding, but after a few seconds, he took a breath and resolved himself.

"… alright, but only if you show me your card too."

What's with that? Well, it's not like I mind show– oh wait, my luck stat. My hand hovered over my pocket.

… I'll just say it was a technical error. I pulled my card out and we swapped them.

Hm, as expected of Dustiness, his vitality stat is absurd. Though I don't think it's to the point of negating the need for armor…

"Um, what's with–"

"Technical error."

"Ah, I see."

His strength is also excellent, so it seems he wasn't exaggerating about his attack power. In fact, his only subpar stat is his magic, which shouldn't be a problem for him. As for his job…

…

"… Berserker?"

Even though I've been watching over this world for a long time now, I've never heard of this job before. He also had a bunch of skills I wasn't familiar with either. I looked up, but he refused to meet my gaze. So this unusual job is probably related to his strange circumstances. I looked around the guild again, only to notice that the other adventurers had all tried to subtly move away from where we were talking. Is this job really that problematic?

I looked back at Sirius. He was staring at the floor with a mix of emotions. Embarrassment. Anxiety. Hope. I considered my objectives again. Kill monsters to level up, so I can learn more skills and start hunting my first relic. If he's capable of dealing damage to help me kill monsters, then that's good enough, isn't it?

And there's also the fact that he's my only option at the moment.

"Have you ever hunted giant toads before?"

His face went from depressed to bursting with joy faster than I could blink. This guy is surprisingly childish.

* * *

We crouched below the crest of a hill, observing a giant toad just 20 meters away. Sirius's lack of armor does make him more stealthy than the average warrior, though the fact that he's around 190 cm tall counteracts that a bit. I'm assuming that his Berserker job skills must have something related to fighting unarmored. Either that or he's a weirdo that enjoys getting hit directly… nah, there's no way people like that actually exist.

"Okay, here's the plan. I'm going to sneak up and make the first strike, then, while its attention's diverted, you run up and lay into it. Meanwhile, I'll go back into hiding, and then deal the final blow once its weakened. Sound good?"

"You'd better be quick with that final blow if you want the kill, cause I'm not going to hold back. After all, I've got to show you what I can do, right?"

He drew his greatsword, bringing it down and behind him on his right side, without breaking his gaze on the toad. He definitely seems competent, so what is it about him that makes people not want to work with him?

Well, I suppose I'm about to find out.

I activated Lurk as I crept up on our target. Unlike last time, as I used Assassinate, I held back on my power a bit to avoid my weapons getting stuck. The toad, eerily unflinching as always, immediately tried to grab me with its tongue, but I was ready and leapt back. I strafed around it, forcing it to repeatedly turn to face me. Once its back was facing Sirius, he dashed forward, holding his sword in that same position.

Wait, how is he moving that fast? His speed stat was good but it wasn't _that_ good. In an instant, he was crouching in front of the toad's back. Thrusting upwards with his entire body, he unleashed a mighty upswing, cleaving through the toad's rubbery hide as if it were butter. Having felt what it was like trying to cut through that myself, I was speechless. The upward moving sword then continued around until it was over his left shoulder, and a beat later he segued into a vicious horizontal slice. The frog hadn't even turned around yet, but its back was already in four pieces. If the sword had been longer, this battle would've already been over. I immediately came to my senses and rushed in to get the final blow. I hadn't even had time to hide and prepare my Assassinate again; in a single breath he had already struck twice and was preparing his third attack. I realized that I wouldn't reach the toad in time, so I threw my daggers. Both of them pierced the toad's chest right as Sirius split the remains of the toad from top to bottom.

I checked my adventurer's card, and to my relief I had gotten the kill. With the exp from that toad and the one from yesterday, I leveled up. I think I only need one more level to get the skills I wanted. Thankfully, Thief skills are relatively cheap in terms of skill points.

When I looked up from my card, though, I noticed something strange about Sirius. Or rather, the lack of Sirius in the immediate vicinity. I quickly glanced around, and after a few seconds I caught sight of him halfway across the field, charging at another toad. Oi, where the heck are you going? And seriously, how are you moving so fast?

I ran over, but by the time I reached the toad, it was already lying in pieces, and this guy was already heading towards the next one he saw.

"HEY! Get back here!"

He didn't show any indication that he heard me. I'm beginning to see the problem with the Berserker job. I thought about using my new skill points to learn Bind and try that, but then I realized I didn't have any rope to use. Instead, I sprinted after him to try and tackle him. The moment I got within reach of his sword, however, it flashed towards me in a blinding arc. I managed to duck beneath the swing, but I felt the rush of air as the blade whistled over my head and severed some of my longer hairs. He had pivoted his body around to face me during that attack, and for the first time since he started fighting I saw his face: his blue eyes wild and frenzied, and his mouth a freakish smile.

I leapt back and prepared for his next attack, but it never came. As soon as he got a clear look at me, he froze in place. The crazed expression left his face, his sword dropped from his hands, and he crouched down, holding his head and muttering to himself.

"I did it again… I did it again…"

Um… what am I supposed to do now?

* * *

After a few minutes, he started to calm down, so I tried speaking to him.

"Um–"

"I'M SO SORRY!"

The moment I opened my mouth, he moved from crouching straight into a kowtow. Even though I was the one who almost got decapitated, he's far more distraught than me.

"I understand if you don't want to party with me, and I also understand if you want me to pay damages for endangering your life, not that I'm trying to say that your life can be bought off with money, but–"

"Dude, you need to chill."

Those words felt a bit weird coming out of my mouth, but they seemed to have the desired effect. He closed his mouth, and looked at me with watery eyes. I think I'm starting to get a grasp on his circumstances now. This clearly isn't the first time this has happened to him, yet that doesn't seem to be making it any easier on him.

"… if it's that much trouble, why don't you just change to a different job?"

"I refuse."

Once again his mood changed in an instant as he gave a firm declaration. This guy is really troublesome.

But for some reason, I just can't leave him alone.

"Can you tell me why?"

As I asked that, I realized why I couldn't ignore him. The grief in his eyes reminded me of the souls I've met. Many of them had troubles and regrets. They were confused and scared, and not a small number of them had lost faith in themselves.

Just like Sirius right now.

The young man in question shifted into a sitting position.

… this isn't going to be a long story, is it? There isn't much daylight left.

"Berserker is a job only I can use. Of all the martial jobs, it is the ultimate in offensive power, even more so than the legendary "Hero" job. Everyone else calls it a cursed job."

"Because you can't control it?"

"No, because I unlocked it by touching a cursed sword when I was a child."

Oh.

"When I go into battle, my Berserk skill activates and increases my speed, power, and defense by several times. However, I get lost in the thrill of battle, and end up attacking enemies recklessly and without restraint. If an ally gets too close to me without me seeing them, I might reflexively attack them too."

Well, even regular soldiers sometimes attack friendlies by accident in the heat of battle. I'm partly at fault for rushing at him from his blind spot. But I have indeed just seen firsthand how being unable to restrain oneself makes teamwork difficult.

"I see. But you still haven't told me why you won't change your job."

"…"

He looked surprised for a second, then took a deep breath. It seems like what he's about to say isn't something he's told anyone else before. Or maybe no one else bothered to ask. After a bit, he appeared to resolve himself.

"Have you… ever felt like there was more you could be doing? That you weren't living up to your potential?"

I have.

"I know this job has serious problems. But when I fight as a Berserker, it's the only time I feel like I'm truly at my best. It makes me feel as if I'm the greatest possible version of myself. If I switched to a different job, I wouldn't be able to live with myself, knowing that I'm holding myself back from what I could be. I know it's selfish, but that's who I am. What's the point of my life if I'm not making the most of my potential? That's why, even though it might be wrong, I'm not going to change. Because this is the meaning I've found in my life."

He's so young, yet he's already had such serious contemplations. Have I ever reflected that deeply on myself?

"… I'd already come to terms with the fact that I can't function in parties. And I had resigned myself to forever being a solo adventurer. But when I saw you sitting there, alone, searching for a companion, I decided to give it one last try. I thought, maybe this time will be different. And because of my selfishness, I almost hurt you. So again, I'm sorry. I'll make sure to never bother you again, and I'll send some reparations to–"

This childish idiot. I gave him a flick on his forehead.

"Ow! What're you doing?"

"Hey. I'm not hurt, so you don't need to apologize. And you don't need to give me money either."

I let out a sigh. I'm possibly about to make a terrible mistake, but if I leave this guy alone like this, it'll weigh on my conscience forever.

"Sirius, you're the greatest warrior I've ever worked with."

Technically true.

"I have goals of my own that I want to accomplish, and to do so, I could really use someone with a lot of firepower."

His eyes lit up again.

"Ideally someone who won't lop my head off, of course."

"I'll do my best, but I can't make any promises. Will you still have me anyway?"

"Well, you're not my first choice, but I'll make do with you."

I smirked as I said that unnecessarily snarky line. I think I might be getting too into this roguish persona.

Suddenly he lunged forward and threw his arms around me.

Eh? Wait, hold on, I didn't think he was that bold, this is too sudden–

"You're a real pal, Chris. If you're ever in trouble, I'll be there for you, you got that?"

But the words coming out of his mouth weren't romantic at all. Huh. I guess he's just the touchy-feely type then? I'd think that his noble upbringing would've curbed that, though.

I awkwardly patted him on the back.

"Uh, yeah, no problem. So, now that that's settled, could you let me go? I still need to retrieve my daggers from the first toad."

And with that, I added one (1) Berserker to my party. Life as an adventurer is turning out to be more interesting than I had anticipated.


	4. Shades of Green

_O Month X Day_

_Met two young girls. Cause of death: asphyxiation. They were both out on their family farm, when they suddenly became unable to breathe. Even I'm not sure what exactly the cause was, as their memories didn't have any clues. My best guess would be some type of natural poisonous gas. The girls themselves were pretty shaken up, and it took me almost an hour to console them. It's not pleasant, but things like this do happen. Life really is a fragile thing. But, I suppose that's also what makes it so beautiful._

* * *

I sat in the guild's dining area, eating a breakfast of grilled frog leg and toast. The food in this world is pretty good, though I wouldn't say it was any better than the fare in heaven. If only they had deep-frying here; the frog meat is definitely suited for it. The neroid drink is pretty great, though. Nice taste, and goes down with a refreshing _swish_. Also helps to mitigate hangovers.

After finishing up the giant toad quest yesterday, I had gotten all the skill points I needed, so I had gone back to the guild and searched the board for a quest about investigating the intruder at Feldus's castle.

Only to find that there was no such quest.

I asked the receptionist in case someone else had taken it, but she said that there had been no quests put out by Lord Feldus recently.

Then I looked around the drinking area for the man that had given me the info, but he was nowhere to be found.

As a last resort, I had started asking random passersby if they'd heard of those rumors, but they all responded along the lines of "An intruder in _that_ castle? Is that a joke?" or "No way. If someone had broken into there, the whole kingdom would be talking about it" or "Well I don't know anything about that, but you should join the Axis Church!" Apparently that castle is famed for its state-of-the-art security, developed by Lord Feldus himself. Not one person I talked to knew of any instance of it being breached. I concluded that the "lead" I had was just the delusional ramblings of a drunkard. The fact that his story reminded me of a certain relic must've been pure coincidence.

Having reached that disappointing conclusion, I returned to the guild, where I found Sirius having a drink. Thinking that alcohol might help me past this slump, I made the rather un-goddess-like decision to join him. I discovered two things that night: I like the taste of beer, and I'm not great at holding it.

"Hey, ya got a sec?"

Though she was speaking at a normal volume, it set my head ringing a bit. I looked up at the party in front of me. Two guys and a girl. Judging by their equipment, they were probably mid-level. The girl, apparently the leader, took my failure to respond immediately as a 'yes.'

"So, we're lookin' for a Thief to add to our party. See, there's this new dungeon discovered recently…"

I nodded my head in affirmation as I tuned them out and downed another glass of neroid. I remember seeing them in the guild yesterday, so shouldn't they have seen me partying up with Sirius?

"… and seein' as how ya survived a quest with the Mad Dog without even a scratch, we figured ya must have amazing reflexes."

Ah, I see now. The idea that I'd choose to stay partied with that guy wasn't even considered. The "Mad Dog," huh? Not very flattering, but after having seen him in action, I have to admit it's not an inaccurate description.

And as I had that thought, the man in question walked into the guild and looked around. I vaguely remember asking if he wanted to do some more quests during our drinking session, with the intent of getting my mind off my first lead going up in smoke.

"That's a nice offer, but let me ask my partner first."

I waved to him as I said that, and after catching sight of me he came over to my table and took a seat.

"Hey Chris, you still recovering from last night?"

"Don't worry, I'm mostly over it now."

"Well that's good to hear. So, what's up with these guys?"

He asked as he looked quizzically at the other party, whose members were still standing next to our table with dumbfounded expressions.

"Oh, these guys want to invite us on a dungeon di–"

"Aaaaactually, I just remembered there was another, uh… thing, yeah we'd better go do that sorry maybe next time see ya."

She practically sprinted away, her two teammates not far behind. Sirius watched them leave, then turned back to me with a rueful grin.

"… sorry about that."

It seems he caught on pretty quick. He may act childish sometimes, but he's not lacking in self-awareness. I smiled back at him.

"Don't worry about it, I wasn't interested in working with them anyway. Rather than that, why don't you go look for quests while I finish up here."

After I finished my food and another glass of neroid, I went over to the bulletin board to see what'd he found.

"Anything good?"

"I'm thinking about this goblin extermination quest. It says a small group was sighted just under a day's travel from here."

So it'd be a two-day mission, assuming everything goes well. Of course, this would be my first time camping out.

"I'm in. How are we on supplies?"

"I'll cover the essentials like bedrolls and a tent, so you just get some rations, water, and anything else you can think of. Want to meet at the gate in an hour?"

"Sounds good."

The gloom that's been hanging over me since last night was replaced with excitement. I set off to buy some supplies… was my plan, but first came the consequences of drinking half a dozen glasses of neroid. I really need to start practicing moderation.

* * *

"… and then the tutor got mad at _me_, even though he was the one who hadn't read the book he assigned me!"

"Seriously? What, was he expecting you to not read it?"

"Well, I didn't ask, 'cause he was already fuming and I didn't want to push it."

The location of the goblin sighting was in a forest. To get there, however, there was about half a day's walk through open plains first. With no way for monsters to sneak up on us and nothing else to occupy our attention, Sirius and I started chatting. Naturally there wasn't much about me that I could talk about freely, so the topic shifted to stories from his childhood.

To be honest, most of them were rather mundane. But for someone like me who's never had conversations like these before, it was a novel experience.

"By the way, there's been something I've been wondering about."

"What's that?"

"Yesterday, when you were telling me about your job, you mentioned a cursed sword, didn't you?"

"Ah, that."

He made a contemplative expression.

"To be honest, it's not a story I'm proud of. Though, if I had the choice to do it all over, I wouldn't change a thing. It all started with… cabbages."

… huh?

"Cabbages?"

"No, CABBAGES!"

He shouted and pointed down the road, where the edge of the forest we were heading to was visible. From between the trees, dozens of cabbages were flying out. Heading straight for us.

"Quick, get your weapons ready, and get behind me!"

"R-Right!"

The cabbages were moving at an alarming velocity. If I got hit by one, I wouldn't be able to shrug it off easily.

I followed Sirius's advice and positioned myself about 10 meters behind him, making sure to give him a wide enough berth, but staying close enough that he could shield me.

As the wave hit, he began slashing away at any that got close to him with that absurd speed of his. Cabbage leaves littered the ground around his feet. I suppose one would normally want to capture the heads intact, but we hadn't brought any traps with us, and in his berserk state Sirius doesn't seem able to restrict himself to using the flat of his blade.

I used Bind to catch some of the ones that slipped past him, and smacked a few more with the hilt of my daggers. Then, just as quickly as it had appeared, the onslaught of cabbages ceased.

"… whew, looks like it's finally over and YOU GET BACK HERE RIGHT NOW!"

Dammit, and I already used all my rope on the cabbages! I sprinted after him, this time making sure to go wide enough to stay out of his reach. When he attacked me last time, it was due to a pair of skills: "Bestial Awareness," a passive skill that lets him detect any moving object within 5 meters, and "Reflexive Strike," a skill that allows him to instantly attack anything that enters his attack range. As long as I can get in front of him without triggering them, I should be fine.

Easier said than done, unfortunately. I'm faster than him, but not by much. His skill "Shock and Awe" granted him a speed buff when moving towards an enemy that wasn't aware of him. Already powerful by itself, when it stacks with the Berserk buff it reaches the point that I, as a speed-based job, have to struggle to outpace him. And the mindless cabbages that have already passed us and continued on towards Accelia must've counted as "not being aware of him." By the time I managed to cut in front of his path, we had already backtracked over a hundred meters. As he got close enough to recognize me, his expression calmed back down.

"… sorry about that."

"Don't worry about it, I'm the one who's stupid enough to keep hanging around with you."

"Haha, fair enough."

After collecting the cabbages, we continued on towards the forest. We lost about half an hour from that, and the sun was getting lower, so we quickened our pace.

"Are the cabbage harvests always that intense?"

"Actually, that was much smaller than usual. There's normally thousands of them when they come."

"Say, I just remembered hearing someone tell me that they normally come sooner in the year?"

"They do. I'm not sure what's up with them this year. There's definitely something strange going on."

As we entered the forest, I suddenly remembered that the cabbages had interrupted our previous conversation.

"That's right, weren't you telling me about that cursed sword?"

"Ah, yes, the cursed sword. It's an episode I'm not particularly proud of, but if–"

"Already heard that, skip to the part where you left off."

"Oh, sorry. Well, it took place when I was 12 years old. My mother acquired a sheathed sword at an auction. The previous owner had no idea how to unsheathe it, so he was selling it off. My mother happens to enjoy examining unusual artifacts, so she purchased it and brought it into her study. Then my parents were called away on business."

I think I'm starting to see where this is going.

"So I snuck into the study, as bored young boys do, and started swinging that sheathed sword around. Suddenly, I heard a maid coming, so I rushed to put it back on the desk it was resting on before. Unfortunately, my mother is not particularly tidy, and I tripped on another artifact and fell. The sword flew out of my hands and into the air, then fell and bonked me on the head, knocking me out cold."

Nevermind, I have no idea where this is going.

"Then I had a dream, where an ominous voice asked me if I wanted 'true power.' Being, again, a 12 year old boy, I immediately accepted, and when I woke up, my job had been changed to 'Berserker.'"

"Does your mother still have that sword?"

"Of course. My father wanted to have it destroyed, but precious artifacts are like children to her. Though, she did have it locked up so that there weren't any more accidents. Ah, we should probably find a campsite soon."

"Right."

I had a couple more things I had wanted to ask, but I had learned what I wanted to. As far as I knew, there weren't any sword relics with properties like that, so I'm guessing it was something created in this world. Which means I won't have to try and steal that sword from his manor.

Though, from the sound of it, there might be a chance that there are other heroic relics in the Dustiness's possession.

We packed up the camp at first light, then set out again. About an hour later, we came across the first sign of the goblins.

"See those tracks? Those are definitely the goblins we're looking for."

"I didn't figure you for a tracker, Sirius."

"I'm not."

"Then how–"

"The smell."

"Ah."

Now that he mentioned it, there was indeed a really strong odor hanging above the tracks we found. I can't think of any way to describe it other than 'unpleasant.'

"The quest said there were about a dozen."

"Do you think it smells like a dozen?"

"Ha, ha, ha. I have no clue, but the tracks don't look like they were made by a hundred of them. I guess we'll just have to proceed with caution."

"Alright, I'll take point since I'm stealthier, and you'll be the rearguard. And if something comes up behind us, remember to tell me before attacking."

"Of course."

Sirius's Berserk skill only activates once he makes an attack, so we decided that he'll hold off on it until we get into an ideal formation.

I activated Lurk and moved slowly through the underbrush, following alongside the tracks, with Sirius about 30 meters behind me. After about half an hour, the scent of goblin started mixing with something else.

"Woodsmoke."

"HOLY ERIS, don't just pop out like that, dude! I can't see you when you use Lurk, you know."

"Sorry. Anyway, I smelled woodsmoke up ahead. It smells fresh too."

I know this because I spent a lot of time last night tending our campfire. Since I have Enemy Detection to warn me of hostiles, I didn't have to worry about ruining my night vision by staring into the flames. They were very pretty. I should go camping again.

"I see, they must not be far ahead then."

"I'll go ahead to find them, then come back and tell you the situation."

I moved forward again, this time moving faster since I didn't have to wait for Sirius to catch up. Five minutes later, I came upon a clearing.

14 goblins, sitting around an open campfire in the late morning sun. There was meat roasting on sticks near it. Most of them were sitting around the fire, or doing maintenance on their makeshift weapons.

"14."

"WHAT DID I JUST SAY."

"Sorry."

"You sure don't seem sorry. Anyway, you said there's 14 of the green bastards?"

"Yep. It doesn't look like they're planning to move out anytime soon, so I'm guessing now would probably be the best time to strike."

"Agreed. Let's get on with it then."

I led Sirius to the clearing, then activated Lurk. The plan was for him to rush in like a bull in a pottery shop, then while their attention is diverted, I'll pick off the ones around the edge. It's pretty much the same as the tactic we used against the giant toads, though now that we have a better understanding of each other's capabilities, it should go a lot more smoothly.

"Whenever you're ready."

I whispered right behind his head. He flinched, but this time he didn't have the luxury of being able to retort me, so instead he just shook his head and readied his stance.

Then he rushed in. Surprisingly quietly, in fact. With a job like "Berserker," you'd expect a battlecry, but Sirius seems to have realized that getting as close as possible without being noticed before unleashing his berserk state was far more effective in shocking and intimidating the enemy.

Though he was creating a rather loud rumbling noise with his running. Strange, I don't remember his footsteps being that loud before. Must be my nerves.

By the time the nearest goblin noticed him and started to raise the alarm, Sirius was already readying his first strike.

His sword flashed forward.

And the goblin flew forward, right past him.

Wait, what?

It almost looked like something had struck the goblin in the back of the head.

At an alarming velocity.

It was then that I realized that although Sirius had stopped running, the rumbling was only getting louder. In fact, it was now louder than thunder, and the ground was starting to vibrate.

"SIRIUS, GET OUT OF THERE!"

Since his first attack hadn't connected, he hadn't actually entered his berserk state yet, so he heeded my warning and made a dash back towards the trees I was hiding in. We both took cover behind the biggest tree nearby and braced for impact.

I recalled a time I had met a child who had died in a stampede of hawkite runners. His memory of his death was chaotic. There was no sense of direction, no distinct objects in his vision. Just the deafening noise and pain coming from all directions at once.

In that moment, cowering behind that tree, I wished I was being run down by hawkites.

Even with my ears covered, my eardrums felt ready to burst from the sounds of the constant, near supersonic impacts. All around us, smaller trees were exploding, and the ground itself was tremoring. Within the shattering of bark and stone, I thought I heard a goblin crying out in pain, but it might've just been my imagination. The tree we were pressed up against was also shaking, with impacts so frequent it reminded me of the machine guns from earth that Aqua-senpai told me about. I braced for the worst, but thankfully, the tree continued to stay standing. For the first time since I came here, I truly wished I was back in heaven.

* * *

It wasn't until an hour later that the last cabbage finally left our sight. It was another five minutes until we braved a peek around the massive trunk of our tree. It was carnage. Scattered across the clearing were the broken, mangled remains of what had been goblins up until an hour ago. Alongside their dark green corpses was the lighter green of cabbage leaves. The cabbages' path was easy to see, as the smaller trees in it had been reduced to firewood, their green leaves now covering the forest floor. As we stepped out and looked at the other side of our tree, we found it stripped bare of bark, as if an ogre had punched it until not a speck of brown remained. We both stood around, silent from shock.

Eventually, Sirius broke the silence.

"Well, there's the rest of the cabbages."

"… is that what the harvest is normally like?"

"Heavens no! If that happened every year, this entire stretch of country would be a wasteland. No, there was something very unusual about this year's harvest."

"Wait, what about Accelia? Will they be okay?"

"I think they'll be fine. They'll be able to see the cabbages coming from a long way away, and if this old tree can withstand them, then the walls should easily hold."

…

"… that was scary."

"… yeah, it was."

To think a mere vegetable could be so terrifying. Looking at the clearing again, I decided that I'd be happy if I could go a hundred years without seeing the color green again.


	5. Cabbage Crusaders (1)

_O Month X Day_

_Among the souls that came to me today was a traveling merchant. Cause of death: Bandit attack. Rather than sad or distraught, he seemed… disappointed that he had died, but even that was shrugged off quickly. What stood out about him was how talkative he was. Even in front of a goddess, he wasn't shy at all, and happily recounted the many things he'd seen in his travels. It may have been unprofessional, but I listened to his stories for hours, hanging on every word. Though I can see many things in the surface world from up here in heaven, it can't possibly compare to visiting those places in person. For the foreseeable future, I'll be remaining here, performing my duties, and I will gladly do so… but, maybe someday…_

_The merchant chose to reincarnate, without even a shred of hesitation. Despite the dangers and hardships of this world, he was in love with every bit of it. Though it is unbecoming of a goddess, I can't help but envy him._

* * *

We didn't talk much on the way back to Accelia. I was still reeling from the shock, and Sirius, though he acted like he was fine, also seemed a bit shaken. The journey back was quite a bit easier though, due to the cabbages having carved out a path through the forest. As we got closer to the edge, the path narrowed and there were fewer destroyed trees.

Seems like the forest had partly diminished the force of the… horde? Swarm? What do you call a group of cabbages anyway? Would they still be called a cabbage patch if they're in the sky?

By the end of the day, we were once again in sight of the city. Littered along the cabbage's path were several giant toad corpses. Thankfully, there didn't seem to be any people among them. As Sirius had said, they would've seen the patch approaching from a long way away and would've had time to take cover.

The walls were rather beaten up, but there weren't any structural failures anywhere. There were cabbage leaves everywhere, though; it was quite a mess. Adventurers were working on cleaning up while construction workers were already starting on repairs to the battered walls. The mood was noticeably subdued; after all, the cabbage harvest should've been a joyous event. Nevertheless, everyone responding promptly was an inspiring sight. Humans really are stronger than they look.

We headed over to the Adventurer's Guild. Though we hadn't killed the goblins ourselves, Sirius suggested the old practice of bringing their right ears to prove that they were exterminated, which allowed us to still redeem the quest.

"Well, that was quite a day, huh Chris?"

"…"

"Do you wanna grab a drink? It'd help us unwind a bit."

"… sorry, but I think I'll just head to bed tonight."

"Understandable. I'm guessing you don't plan to head out on another quest tomorrow?"

I silently nodded.

"Alright. I'll be training at my home for the next few days, so if you need anything feel free to stop by."

"Thanks."

I went up to my room and crawled into bed, but despite my fatigue I couldn't sleep. Thinking back, my entire existence as a goddess had been relatively peaceful. While I certainly felt many different emotions as I talked to the millions, no, billions of souls that came to me, I had never been in danger myself before. The despair I felt at being helplessly pinned by the onslaught, having no option but to wait and hope that I'd survive, was something I'd never felt before.

I forced myself to calm down and think rationally. Even if I had perished, it would only be my vessel. It would be a setback, and would definitely not have been painless, but I would've gotten through it eventually.

But Sirius wouldn't've. Even as tough as he is, he might've perished there. I shook that thought away as soon as I had it. Regardless of what could've happened, we both got through it. And even the townspeople managed to get through unscathed, so I should be happy, right?

Eventually I managed to drift off to sleep.

* * *

I spent most of the next day helping in the clean-up efforts. Other adventurers who didn't have any plans also pitched in, as did the members of my own church. Seeing them selflessly working filled me with pride, but then I felt embarrassed since it felt like patting myself on the back. Among the debris, there were a surprising number of cabbages that were nearly intact, and as we collected them the mood in town started to recover. At first I still recoiled when I had to touch the cabbage leaves, but once I reassured myself that they weren't going to blow my head off, it became easier.

During all of this I noticed the members of Aqua-senpai's Axis Church also lending a hand. Though, they seemed to be mostly ignoring the debris and focusing on collecting cabbage for themselves. And all the while they were praising Aqua-senpai for delivering high-quality cabbages right to them.

As it turned out, the cabbages were indeed extremely high-quality. No, it would be more accurate to say that they were the tastiest, crispiest, and most nutritious and experience point-rich cabbages that have ever been seen in this city. Some people are even starting to say that they preferred this year's "harvest" to the normal harvests, despite all the extra cleanup it entailed.

Many others, however, weren't so keen. While the vegetables were delicious, they haven't forgotten the sheer despair they had felt yesterday as the harvest they had been eagerly waiting for turned into a natural disaster that they had no choice but to cower from.

When I returned to the guild to turn in the cabbage I'd collected, I noticed a group of researchers and mages discussing how this event could've come about. Being curious myself, I ended up listening in.

"– said there was _that_ much mana in them? There's no way that's correct!"

"These are cutting edge instruments, I assure you they are accurate readings."

"Well in that case it can't be natural, right?"

"Not just that, but the chefs are reporting that their crispiness, while delicious, is beyond what should be possible for a cabbage."

"… they _are_ extremely tasty."

"So something has been influencing the cabbages?"

"We can't say for sure, but either way this requires investigation."

"But what could've cause them to grow so much stronger, faster, and healthier?"

"Maybe the farmers used some sort of elixir on them?"

"Even so, this is too extreme, isn't it?"

Stronger, faster, healthier… for some reason, those words stuck in my head.

That night, I decided to eat out for a change and headed to a popular café. They had a limited time special of sautéed cabbage. It was the best thing I'd ever tasted.

* * *

The next morning, there was a large notice on the bulletin board. A special quest put out by the Agricultural Guild to travel to the cabbage fields and find out what caused this incident. The reward was quite generous too, but I imagine that not many adventurers in this beginner's town would be willing to embark on such a long journey. The cabbage fields are halfway across the continent, after all.

The words I had heard yesterday were still hanging in my mind. I kept turning them over as I drank a mug of neroid. Stronger, faster, healthier, tougher, smarter…

My chair crashed to the ground as I leapt to my feet. Could it be…? I might be jumping to conclusions, but all the pieces fit.

This… could be the work of a certain divine relic. The more I think about it, the more likely it seems. I remember the hero that owned this relic clearly. He… was someone who lacked faith in himself, and as a result was ultimately unable to defeat the demon king, despite the power of the relic. At that time I was more concerned with helping him pass, but thinking back now, wouldn't that have meant the relic would've fallen into the hands of the demon king? And now innocent people are being terrorized.

Then again, that was about a century ago in this world. For it to lay dormant for so long and only now make an appearance…

"Um, excuse me miss, but was there a problem with the drink?"

"Eh?"

I then remembered that I was still standing in the guild's dining area, my chair on the ground.

My face started to feel hot.

"O-Oh, no, everything's f-fine, I just remembered I have something I need to do here's the payment keep the change bye."

After rushing out of the guild, I took a moment to compose myself. Though it isn't certain yet, this is my best lead at the moment and I can't let it slip away. The quest notice had said for those interested to meet a representative from the Agricultural Guild at the gate in two days, and that they would provide transportation for a party of up to 4 adventurers of the representative's choice. Before I start packing, though…

* * *

I nervously knocked on the door of the Dustiness manor. The entire estate was rather impressive, as expected of a top noble family. As Chris, I am just an unremarkable commoner, so it was a bit nerve-wracking to casually stroll here like this.

The door opened, revealing a neat-looking old butler.

"May I help you, young lady?"

"Hi, yes, my name's Chris, and I'm here to ask Sirius to come on a quest with me."

"Pardon, you're Chris? The young master's new party member?"

For some reason, the butler was staring at me with a look of utter disbelief.

"Um… yes?"

He then held his head in his hand, and muttered something under his breath. What's with him? Isn't he being kind of rude?

After a few seconds he looked back up at me.

"Please excuse me, I simply had something on my mind. The young master is out training in the back, I'll take you to him now."

"Ah, thank you…"

"The name's Sebastian."

"Thank you, Sebastian."

Sebastian lead me to the courtyard. It was a rather nice open space, flanked on two sides by buildings and on a third by a large pond. It would be rather tranquil if not for the loud grunts and shouts coming from the center. Sirius was currently in full berserk mode, unleashing a flurry of attacks on a wooden post with a wooden practice weapon. There was a small pile of similar weapons lying broken next to him. Sirius was standing on top of a large metal square of some sort.

Rather than call out to him, Sebastian walked over to a lever situated near the edge of the square, and pulled it. The wild-eyed noble was instantly dropped into a pool of water as the trapdoor underneath him swung open. By the time he climbed out, he seemed to have returned to his senses.

"Oh, Chris! You're looking a bit better now. Ah, thanks for showing Chris in, Sebastian."

"Of course, young master. If there's nothing else, then I shall return to my other duties."

Once I thought he was out of earshot, I whispered to Sirius.

"You have a rather rude butler there."

"Haha, well despite how he acts he's been the most reliable butler we've ever had. So, what's up?"

"I've got a quest I want to take on."

"Oh, really? Already? And what quest would this be?"

"To go investigate the reason why the patch of cabbages that came here was so abnormal."

He seemed a bit taken aback.

"… you sure bounced back quickly, huh? Not two days ago you were saying you never wanted to see a live cabbage again, and now you want to go to their source?"

Huh. He's right. Now that I think about it, the moment I thought I found a lead, my apprehension had vanished into thin air. Instead, all I felt was excitement and anticipation.

"… I'm over that now. Rather than that, I want to make sure that nothing like that ever happens again. Who knows, next time it could be even worse!"

"Well, you're not wrong. If you're sure about this, then you can count me in!"

He gave a thumbs up and flashed a smile. It was super cheesy, yet he had practiced it to the point where it was hard to point out any flaws in it.

"I still have one question, though."

"Mm, what's that?"

"What did you mean earlier by a 'patch' of cabbages?"

"Eh? Isn't that what you call a group of cabbages?"

"Only when they're in the fields. Once they take off, they're called a school."

"Eh? Seriously? Like a school of mackerel pike?"

"What, no, mackerel pike are measured in bushels."

"… eh?"

* * *

Two days later, we were in front of the gate as instructed, meeting with the representative. When we arrived, to my surprise, there were already six adventurers there. I had thought that the long journey involved in this quest would make it unpopular, but it seemed like we would have to compete for the spots after all.

Or so I thought, but as we approached and they caught sight of us, or more specifically, Sirius, four of them suddenly had more pressing matters to attend to and left immediately. It seems like the Mad Dog's reputation can come in handy sometimes. The remaining two didn't seem fazed in the slightest, though. Well, there's enough slots now for all of us so I don't mind, but it means I'll have to keep a close eye on my companion to avoid any incidents.

Eventually the representative arrived in a carriage and greeted us. He was a polite-looking young man, with short brown hair and a felt hat.

"I'm glad you've all come here today. My name is Filman, and I'm the representative of the Agricultural Guild assigned to this task. The journey to our destination shouldn't be particularly dangerous, but it is quite long, so I hope we will get along well."

"My name is Dustiness Ford Sirius. I look forward to working with you."

"Oh my, to think I'd be escorted by a celebrity such as yourself. I'm honored to make your acquaintance."

He didn't seem to react negatively to Sirius's identity. Well, I suppose those who don't know of his behavior in battle wouldn't have any reason to think poorly of him.

"I'm his partner, the Thief Chris. I also look forward to working with you."

"And a pleasure to meet you too, Chris."

Filman turned to the other two. They haven't said anything since we arrived, so this would also be my first time learning their names.

The first was a young woman, with shoulder length black hair and dark eyes. She was equipped with armor, and had a shortsword hanging at her left hip, and a wand at her right.

"Pax. Spellsword."

"… not one for conversation, eh? Well, that's fine too."

A Spellsword? That's a rather rare job, isn't it.

The last person was a young man. His face might've been considered handsome, if not for the eerie lack of expression on it. His right eye was black, but his left was pure white, and he had long hair that flowed down the back of his head.

He bowed as he introduced himself.

"My pleasure to meet you all. I am known as Maxwell, and I am quite looking forward to this journey."


	6. Cabbage Crusaders (2)

_O Month X Day_

_I had a rather disturbing encounter today. I met a soul that had been tortured to the point of nearly breaking apart. Let alone communicate, it couldn't even remember its own identity, and the only emotion I could feel from it was relief. It took some time for me to piece together its fragmented memories, but eventually I learned that this person had been tricked and captured by a devil._

_Devils. Rather than simply kill humans like monsters, these vile pieces of trash feed off negative emotions, and are fond of tormenting people relentlessly for no reason other than their own amusement. I think that compared to the widespread killings of the demon army, the actions of these devils are far more despicable, for their victims often aren't even allowed to die, instead forced to suffer until their very souls are broken beyond repair._

_I hate them. With my entire being, I hate them._

* * *

After introductions were finished, we set off towards our destination in the four-passenger carriage Filman had driven up in. Filman, turning out to be a bit of a chatterbox, tried to strike up conversations with us to pass the time.

"– and rather than the crispiness, I'd say my favorite thing about cabbages are their juiciness. Once you bite in, the delicious juice just flows out everywhere, you know?"

"I couldn't agree more! I've been served many vegetables in my life, but none can compare to that burst of flavor."

Unfortunately, the only one actively responding to him was the young blond man who had been educated in diplomacy.

The woman who called herself Pax seemed intent on using her vocal cords as little as possible, and sat with her eyes closed. Whenever Filman spoke to her directly, she just responded with a grunt. To be honest, I was impressed at how proficient she was in conveying various different meanings with a single noise. Doesn't change the fact that it's still rude, of course. I get that she's going for the "strong and silent" shtick, but that doesn't mean she has to be so impolite about it.

Maxwell, meanwhile, simply stared out the window, seeming to be in a trance. When addressed he responded with a short sentence or two, then immediately returned to his gazing as if the conversation never happened, and all the while with his face remaining expressionless. That face wasn't the only strange thing about him, however. When we met earlier while waiting for the carriage, he was wearing a suit, without any equipment or luggage. I had assumed at the time that his stuff was nearby and that he was going to change into his adventuring wear before we set out, so I had dismissed it. Now, though, he was still wearing that same outfit, and had not produced any bags or backpacks. He hadn't brought any weapons either. He declined to tell us his job earlier, but at this point I'm thinking it has to be either a mage-type or unarmed combat-type job. Still though, even those normally have _some_ equipment, so he's either very confident or very stupid. I'm hoping for the former.

As for me… I was feeling a bit shy due to the awkward atmosphere. Sirius and Filman seemed to be getting along well, but I couldn't figure out how to join in their conversation properly.

Thinking back, aside from Sirius, I've never really had any proper conversations with people since I came here, have I? I mean, sure, I've talked to some people at the Adventurer's Guild, but that was always for business or information gathering. I don't think purchasing food or supplies or renting a room count as real conversations either. And I'm pretty sure the only reason I can talk so easily with Sirius is because, well, he's an easy person to talk to.

… even back in heaven, the only people I really talked to were Aqua-senpai and the souls I met. And both of those were almost always one-sided conversations, with me listening most of the time.

And when I wasn't interacting with either of them, I was alone, watching over the world or writing in my diary.

…

… am I the damn Goddess of Introversion?

I smacked myself on the cheeks.

I can do better than this! I'm Chris the Thief right now, and thieves are supposed to be suave and charming, right? It can't be that hard. Okay, next time Filman asks me a question, just respond coolly without missing a beat.

"So what do you think, Chris? You're part of the Eris Church, aren't you? You think there's any truth to it?"

I gave a small smirk.

"Of course. It's obvious, isn't it?"

I think that was pretty good.

… wait, what were they talking about?

"Huh. I was skeptical since it was a rumor from the Axis Church, but if you think so too, maybe Eris-sama really does pad her chest."

Just kill me.

"I'm surprised, Chris; I had always taken you for a devout believer, but to think you'd slander Eris-sama like that…"

Sirius was sarcastically shaking his head. He must've seen that I wasn't paying attention; I could tell he was barely able to hold in his laughter. Dammit, so this is what I get for trying to act cool, huh?

"Pft."

As I was burying my red face in my hands, I could've sworn I heard a muffled snort from the opposite corner of the carriage, but when I looked up Pax was still sitting with her eyes closed. I think her mouth is twitching a bit, though. Despite my embarrassment, I felt a small bit of pride at being the first to get through her shell.

Now I just need to work on being the "cool thief" instead of the "fool thief."

… I should probably start by not thinking of sentences like those ever again.

* * *

The first incident happened when we were stopped for the night. We took shifts keeping watch in pairs, so we'd have someone watching our backs. As for the pairings:

"I have the Enemy Detection skill."

"Alarm spell."

Since Pax and I both had detection abilities, we took different shifts. Between the other two, I paired up with Sirius because I'm the only one present who can keep him under control. Definitely not at all because Maxwell unnerves me a bit.

"So, have you ever traveled this far before, Chris?"

"Not really. I've seen and heard about many places, but this is my first time going on a journey myself. What about you?"

"I've been around quite a bit, between noble business and my mother's obsession with relics. I haven't been to the cabbage fields before, though. A week's journey by carriage doesn't really fit into the schedule unless something major is going on there. Which of course hasn't happened before now."

The first hour or so was uneventful, so we passed the time by chatting. Around an hour in, though, my Enemy Detection skill was set off.

"Something's coming. Go wake everyone else up."

"On it."

I peered into the darkness, trying to make out the source of the hostile intent I felt. Honestly, why doesn't the Thief job have a skill for seeing in the dark? Did the god who designed the job system in this world expect them to explore well-lit dungeons or infiltrate strongholds in broad daylight? I should have a talk with him sometime.

My skill was picking up about three dozen of them. As the figures got close enough to make out, it quickly became clear what they were. Their shambling gait was a dead giveaway.

Zombies.

Anger immediately started welling up within me. Undead are the greatest abominations in this world. The poor souls are trapped in a decaying body and drowned in malice, unable to ascend to heaven. And I could do nothing but watch helplessly from heaven, hoping that someday they would be set free.

I gripped my daggers tightly. It's different now. I can end this atrocity with my own hands. I dashed towards the nearest one and severed its head before it could react, then took apart its body for good measure. With the body destroyed, the soul was released, and departed from this world.

We'll meet again soon. Well, sooner for you than for me.

"HEY! What the heck are you doing, man? You're supposed to be keeping _me_ from rushing in wildly, you hypocrite!"

Sirius berated me as he rushed past, greatsword cocked for his signature upswing. Over on the left, Pax cast some sort of debuff on the zombies that held them in place as she tore into them with her sword, each swing causing the targets to ignite as they were slashed. Watching the Spellsword in action was quite awe-inspiring. Rather than just attacking enemies with magic and swordsmanship alternately, she weaved them together into a single unstoppable assault.

"So that's the power of a real rare job user."

"Hey, are you implying I'm some sort of fake rare job user?! Don't look down on the Berserker job!"

Sirius lodged a complaint as he reached his first target and neatly bisected it. Those'll probably be the last words I hear from him until this battle's over.

On the other side, Maxwell was repelling them with his bare hands. So, he is a martial artist after all.

Focusing back on the foes in front of me, I weaved through the enemies, making sure to stay clear of Sirius's danger zone as I sliced up any zombies I could reach.

* * *

The battle was over relatively quickly; the zombies weren't particularly threatening aside from their numbers. And with that, three dozen souls have been freed from a horrible fate.

"Slipped up."

We didn't get off completely scot-free, though. Pax had a rather nasty-looking gash on her arm from when a zombie that should've been paralyzed cut her with a rusty sword. Filman helped her disinfect it with a poultice he made.

"I'm the representative of the Agricultural Guild, you know! Of course I know how to use medicinal herbs!"

"Thanks."

By then, my watch shift was long over, so Sirius and I turned in for the night.

As usual, I didn't have any dreams, but for some reason I had a constant uneasy feeling. Like something was stirring up my brain.

* * *

"I said I'm sorry, so can you please forgive me already? I promise not to let anything like that happen again. I swear it on my family name!"

"No forgiveness. Lost trust. Danger to others. You should stop being an adventurer."

Pax was so mad she spoke a sentence with six whole words.

Not that I don't understand why. After all, during the zombie attack last night, Pax had gotten too close to Sirius, and he attacked her, leaving a nasty gash on her arm. Filman fixed her up with some healing poultice, but the mood in the party had noticeably dropped. Even Filman wasn't his usual chatty self.

When we stopped for lunch, Sirius was hardly eating. I couldn't stand to see this, so I pulled him away for a quick pep talk.

"You doing okay, buddy?"

"… yeah."

He gave me a strained smile. Weird. I admit I haven't known him for too long, but I'd talked with him enough to know that he's usually very upfront about his feelings.

"Is this incident really getting you down that much? It's not the first time, right?"

"… I don't know."

I sighed.

"Come on, talk to me about it."

The fake smile vanished.

"… what Pax said, about how I should quit being an adventurer… it's something I've heard many times before. After meeting you, I thought, 'maybe I don't have to give up,' but even now I'm still hurting people. Maybe I'm hopeless. Maybe I'm wasting my time, and I'll never do anything but hurt peo–"

_Slap._

"Cut the crap. I told you I needed you, didn't I? That hasn't changed. We're not going to let a mistake like this stop us. You're a good man, Sirius, and you're stronger than this. I know you are."

Dear heaven this is cheesy. If it weren't for the serious mood I'd be dying of embarrassment from those lines.

"… thanks. I needed that."

Well, cheesy works on him, so mission accomplished I guess? I've never seen him this bad before, though. He gave me a smile, this time a genuine one. He bounced back in good form, didn't he. Maybe I'm just over-worrying.

When we headed back to the rest of the party, I rubbed my eyes and did a double take.

Maxwell's face was expressionless as always. Weird. For a second I could've sworn I saw him smiling.

* * *

_Author's Note: I've been enjoying writing this story so far, but I'll have to take a break for the next couple weeks as school is starting up again. I'll be back eventually, though. Thank you for reading!_


	7. Cabbage Crusaders (3)

_Author's note:_

_TL;DR: I made a correction, Maxwell's right eye is black instead of blue, also read the LN vol 7 interlude if you haven't._

_First of all, if you haven't read LN vol 7 yet, I recommend you do so now (or at least read the interlude at the end), as it is where Maxwell is fully introduced (he actually first appears in vol 6, but that appearance doesn't explain much). You can find fan translations at cgtranslations, or you can purchase the Yen Press translations if you want to support the official release._

_So, when I wrote the description for Maxwell two chapters ago, I took some details, such as having one blue and one white eye, from a brief summary of Alderp's final scene in the WN that I found. This is because the LN had cut down on that scene, and among other things had described Maxwell's physical appearance in less detail. However, I recently saw a more thorough translation of the WN scene, and not only did I have the eyes backwards, but it turns out he only acquired the blue eye after making his contract with Alderp (also the white eye was from when he ate his mom. If you're wondering how a genderless devil has a mother, it's cause Natsume __is a hack__ probably went through various stages when designing devils). So long story short, Maxwell has no blue eye yet. As far as I know it's unknown what the eye's original color was, so I've opted for the relatively safe assumption of black. I've updated the other chapter too. (Also, if you hadn't read LN vol 16 yet or you've forgotten, Max in the main series is missing the back of his head, which was the cause of his chronic amnesia and dysfunction when he was with Alderp. This story's Maxwell isn't suffering from that impairment, hence his drastically different behavior.)_

* * *

_O Month X Day_

_I met a murderer today. Cause of death: execution. After being forced out of his dream job on false charges, his resentment overcame his reason, and he killed his accuser in their sleep. When the police brought him in as a suspect, he willingly confessed to the charges, and went quietly to the execution block. His last words were, "My only regret is that I'll have to see that bastard again in hell."_

_And right now, he's burying his face in his hands in shame. I guess he wasn't counting on meeting a goddess before heading to the afterlife._

"… _um, are you ready to talk now?"_

_He jumped at my voice._

"_I'm so sorry, Eris-sama, you don't deserve to talk to scum like me, just send me to hell and get it over with."_

"_Do you really hate yourself that much?"_

"… _I'm just tired. My entire life was destroyed within the span of a few days. At this point I just want to get away from it all. There's nothing left for me down there, so even hell is preferable."_

_It was heart-wrenching to see his broken spirit. He was a good person all his life, but when everything came crashing down, he committed one of the worst sins out of desperation. I pitied him, but I also couldn't simply forgive his crime._

_Luckily, there was another option._

"_What if I told you there was a way to not go to hell?"_

_For the first time since he got here, a glimmer of hope crossed his face._

"… _what would that be?"_

"_It's simple. You'll be reincarnated like normal, without your memories, but due to your sins you'll be born in poor circumstances and harsh conditions. If, despite your hardships, you manage to live a commendable and praiseworthy life next time, you'll be considered as having worked off your sins. You'll then have to reincarnate one more time and live a good third life to get a chance at getting into heaven."_

_He gave a dry laugh._

"_Looks like I have my work cut out for me, huh?"_

_He looked at me with a rueful smile._

"_But why would you give a murderer like me a second chance?"_

_I smiled back._

"_Because I believe that no human is pure evil, and that everyone has the potential for good."_

"_Haha, you really are a goddess, aren't you? Very well, I'll take that challenge. Just watch, this time I'll be a saint!"_

_After he left, I let out a sigh. I wasn't completely honest with him. Though they are thankfully few in number, there are some people whose souls have grown rotten to the core. Though memories aren't carried over in reincarnation, a soul steeped in evil will be reborn as a twisted person, hence why they are sent to hell despite the need for souls to be put into the reincarnation cycle. It pains me when I have to do that, but it is necessary._

_That man wasn't one of them, though. And his accuser, as corrupt as he was, wasn't either. He had also chosen to reincarnate, by the way. I hope that if they meet in their next lives, they'll be able to get along._

* * *

The next few days of the journey were, thankfully, uneventful. This route isn't particularly dangerous, but I was still surprised that nothing attacked us aside from the zombies on the first day.

The mood was better too. After days of apologies, and a liberal dose of surprisingly powerful puppy dog eyes, Sirius finally got Pax to ease up around him, though he also had to promise to keep his distance in future battles.

"We're making good time everyone; I expect we'll be arriving in the fields by noon tomorrow!"

As the atmosphere lightened up, Filman also returned to his usual chatty self. I didn't appreciate it properly before, but Filman really has a gift for conversation.

"Now before we get there, there's a couple of things I should tell you. Or to be more specific, there are a couple rules to follow up there. Make sure to follow them to ensure the safety of not just you, but everyone around you, alright?"

… we're visiting a cabbage field, right?

"First rule: When not accompanying me, stay within the designated visitor area."

A cabbage field has a designated visitor area?

"Rule 2: Do not pick up anything you see on the ground. If anything is on the ground, it's because that's where it's supposed to be."

Uh…

"Third law: Cabbage Corp is not responsible for any injuries or damage to personal items. So, don't go crying to court, you're going to lose."

The heck. Filman continued listing off rules for the next few minutes. By the end of it I felt like I was going to a top secret archaeological site rather than a farm. I know I wanted to see more of the world, but…

* * *

The night passed peacefully, much like the last few. When I woke up, however, I was feeling extremely nauseous, my brain feeling like it had been thrown into a tornado. My stomach followed suit, and I nearly emptied last night's dinner on the ground.

"You feeling okay, buddy?"

"Yeah, yesh, I- … I'm fine."

Sirius was understandably concerned about my retching. As I was trying unsuccessfully to act tough, Filman came over with some sort of concoction.

"Here, drink this. It'll settle the stomach and soothe the head."

I grabbed it and chugged it down, not even taking the time to taste it. It took effect shockingly fast, and within minutes I was steady on my feet again.

"Thanks, Filman, you're a lifesaver."

"Any time, my friend. So what was that about, anyway? Yesterday's dinner not sitting with you well? Or perhaps you caught something?"

"No idea."

The dinner last night was standard travel rations, which I've eaten before with no problems. And I gave this avatar a superpowered immune system, for obvious reasons. Though it's equivalent to a normal human for the most part, I did take a couple liberties to keep myself out of serious trouble. Ugh, just thinking about this is making my head hurt.

"Well, hopefully you'll be better by noon. With this mission, we can't exactly have you retching all over the place."

Filman reminded me of our mission.

Right. The mission…

"Do you really expect them to resist arrest, Filman?"

"I'd be surprised if they didn't, my good man."

That's right, we came here to help Filman… arrest the farmers… right?

ARGH, my head feels like it's splitting open!

"Woah, Chris really isn't looking too hot. Maybe we should wait till tomorrow?"

"N-No, I'll be… ugh… I'll be fine. My head's already feeling better."

The splitting headache went away as fast as it came.

"If you say so…"

Though I was feeling better physically, my mind was filled with anxiety.

Something is seriously wrong, but I don't know what.

… no, I do have an inkling, but simply focusing on that thought gives me a migraine, so I should give it a rest for now. At least until I'm fully recovered.

* * *

"Alright everyone, we've arrived! The official Belzerg cabbage fields!"

The only word that came to my mind was 'massive.' The now-cabbageless fields stretched all the way to the horizon.

They weren't empty, however. There were countless shapes strewn about the fields. It was hard to tell what they were at first, but as we got closer it became apparent.

"Aren't those…"

"Fertilizer. And remember rule 2, don't touch them."

"Right."

We continued on past the fields, all similarly littered with… "fertilizer," for about half an hour before the main farmhouse came into view. I didn't see a single farmhand or worker the whole time. They must've left for other work now that the year's harvest was done. Before we went up there, Filman refreshed us on the plan.

"Let me do the talking. I'll present this warrant, and if they don't come quietly, you all just need to act intimidating, alright?"

He held up the warrant as he said that. It was a very official-looking document… but the writing…

"Agh, my head!"

"The headache again!? Hurry, sit down. Filman, get some more of that medicine of yours!"

"Of course!"

The pain wasn't as bad this time, since I'd mostly recovered from this morning. As I drank the medicine, my mind starting racing. I was certain now. Something's not right about this mission. When I was looking at the warrant– as soon as I thought that, a dull ache began again, but I forced myself through it. The writing on that warrant looked… unstable, like I was looking at moving ripples in a pond rather than flat paper. And when I had this same experience this morning, it was also– I pushed aside the rising headache as I finished the thought– when we were discussing this mission.

Speaking of which, why isn't anyone else noticing? After finishing the medicine, I stood up and turned to Filman.

"… hey Filman, remind me why we came here again?"

"Huh? You're suffering amnesia now too?"

"Um, yeah, my mind's a little foggy right now. Could you start from the beginning?"

"Well, after the disastrous cabbage incident, I hired you and the others to escort me here so that we can arrest the farmers for terrorism and treason against the state."

No. No, that doesn't add up.

"If it's a state-sanctioned arrest, then why are they sending an Agricultural Guild representative and adventurers instead of knights?"

"Because…"

Filman paused, a bewildered expression on his face.

"… that is strange, isn't it?"

Sirius also seemed to realize something was up.

"It's because it would take too long to mobilize knights, so adventurers were contracted to ensure a prompt response."

Suddenly, Maxwell stepped in with an explanation. He was expressionless as always, but the tone of his voice was a bit odd.

"Silver-haired Thief, you don't seem to be in a sound state of mind right now. Perhaps you should just sit this mission out? Getting rest and taking care of yourself should be your highest priority."

I was preparing to ask some more questions, but he preempted them with his own thoughts. As he said that, another wave of nausea came over me and I stumbled back into a sitting position.

His suggestion was attractive. He had a point. There's clearly something wrong with me, so I should just let them handle this. After all, they're just farmers, and it shouldn't be hard to arrest them…

But my gut is telling me that if I let this go, I'll regret it. I rose back to my feet. The medicine I drank earlier was already clearing my head again.

"No, I'm good to go. Let's do this."

"Still look unwell. Not good to push yourself–"

"I appreciate your concern, Pax, but I said I'm good to go. Now come on, we're burning daylight."

The only way I'm going to confirm my suspicions is by going directly to the source of the problem. Seeing that my mind was made up, Filman sighed in resignation.

"Okay then. I'll head in first, and you all follow behind me, alright? Not too close though, and try not to act hostile. We don't want to make them feel _too_ threatened. Sirius on the right, Pax on the left, and Chris and Maxwell right next to me."

"If that's what we're going for, then perhaps I should wait outside unless I'm needed. I have been told that my presence can be unsettling to some."

"That's not a bad idea Maxwell. Just make sure you can get inside quickly if we call on you."

"But of course."

With our course of action decided, we headed for the farmhouse. Maxwell took up a position behind a nearby tree, where he wouldn't be seen, while Filman knocked on the door.

"FBI, open up!"

Eh?

"FBI? What's that?"

"It's my initials. Filman Ben Illiot. I like to use it when I'm on official business since it has this… _authoritative_ feel, you know?"

"I see."

The door soon opened, and a smiling middle-aged man with a bushy beard greeted us.

"Fil! What brings ya out here at this time o' year, my good man?"

"I think you know why, Frank."

Frank's smile grew wider.

"Well don' just stand there, come on in! Yer friends too!"

He looked over his shoulder and shouted into the farmhouse.

"Hey! Dylan, Mick! Fil's here!"

Frank led us through the house to the living room, which had two sofas flanking a long table. Two other men were sitting on one of them, one with a large mustache and the other clean-shaven.

They all looked too happy for suspected terrorists. They're either innocent or completely insane.

Frank sat next to his fellow farmers as he gestured to the open sofa.

"Go ahead and take a seat! So, what'd ya think, Filman? Did this year's harvest blow ya away?"

"They were certainly… vigorous."

As we took our seats, Filman responded to Frank's rather unfortunate phrasing with a strained smile. Frank didn't seem to notice his discomfort.

"Oh yes, the strongest crop we've ever 'ad! Ya shoulda seen them when they was takin' off, was like they was launched out o' a catapult!"

"Nah, Frank, was more like a trebuchet."

"No, no, Dylan, both o' ya 'ave got it wrong. It was more o' a ballista-like trajectory."

"Ya'll are talkin' out o' yer bums! I'll 'ave ya know I've actually seen a catapult bein' fired before, unlike a certain pair o' layabouts who've never travelled afar. Anyway, it was really quite the sight."

"Yea, hope ya'll didn't 'ave too much trouble downwind, hahaha!"

"So the unusual cabbages this year were something you did intentionally?"

"That's right!"

"And you saw them taking off at far greater speeds than normal?"

"Wasn't enough to make up fo' the extra time it needed to mature, sadly."

Frank's smile faded a bit as he finally noticed Filman's attitude.

"There somethin' wrong, Fil? I'd thought ya'd be happier, considerin' we gave that city of yers just what it deserved."

Filman sighed, then pulled out the warrant. I made sure not to look directly at its contents this time.

"I didn't want it to come to this, but it seems like I have no choice. Frank, Dylan, and Mick, by the authority of the governing Lord of Accelia, Feldus-sama, you are hereby under arrest for terrorism and treason against the state."

There was a full 10 seconds of silence as the three farmers sat there with their mouths open, trying to process those unexpected words. The first reaction came from Frank, as his previously jolly expression was replaced with anger.

"… is this some kinda damn joke? After all the work we've done, this is how we're treated?"

"You admitted yourself that you sent cabbages with destructive force towards the city of Accelia. You knowingly endangered the lives of innocent citizens."

"That's bullshit! There's no way people were hurt, yer just making this shit up to get rid of us for yer own gain!"

He stood up, and the other two men followed suit.

"Ya think ya can just waltz in here and destroy our livelihood?"

Their hands moved towards their belts, where they had small knives strapped on. They looked more like tools than weapons, though.

Filman made a small motion with his head, and the three of us adventurers stood up, our hands resting on the hilts of our weapons. Pax's shortsword was on her left hip, while Sirius's sheathe was positioned on the back of his waist with the hilt on the right, so Filman had organized them earlier so that their blades would be fully exposed to maximize the intimidation factor. Meanwhile, I was in the middle, just to the side of where Filman was sitting. Compared to Sirius's fancy greatsword and Pax's weapons and armor, my equipment was the least impressive, but by standing near Filman, who was the person speaking to them, they'll focus more on him than me, so as long as I took a menacing stance I'd be effective.

The effect was immediate: the men instantly moved their hands away from their belts and up into the air.

Why the heck does a member of the Agricultural guild know so much about intimidation anyway? Since he's a representative I guess he's probably closer to a merchant or diplomat than a farmer, but still. I made a note to never get on his bad side.

After seeing who he was up against, Frank's anger shifted to nervousness.

"Hey, Fil, buddy, we can talk this out, right? Ya know we ain't terrorists, right?"

"I've already heard all I need to hear. I don't like this any more than you do, but I have a duty to this country that's treated me so well. If you plead guilty perhaps you can get off with life imprisonment."

For the first time, the farmers' faces showed genuine fear.

"Ya can't be serious. Who's gonna run this place?"

"We'll bring some replacements from the Guild, there'll be enough time before planting season to train them."

Dylan tried reasoning with Filman, but it was for naught.

"I really do recommend being as cooperative as possible, if you want to avoid execution."

As Filman said that, Mick made a small movement, probably to turn and run, but Pax immediately responded by taking a sharp step forward, and the man froze where he was.

By now, the hopelessness of the farmers' situation was finally setting in, and their faces filled with despair at the thought of their entire futures being taken away.

Having personally met the souls of both saints and murderers, I could tell right away.

"Stop."

These men were innocent.

"Chris, what are you doing? What happened to the plan?"

"Forget the plan. This entire mission is a sham."

My headache flared up again, but I refused to back down.

"Nothing about this makes sense. I know for a fact I didn't sign up for a weeklong journey just to harass some poor farmers. And why would we set out to arrest them if we didn't have any evidence before coming here?"

"… now that you mention it… but, then why _are_ we here?"

Sirius was starting to have doubts too, but he couldn't shake off the memories he was sure he had.

Why _did_ I come here? Let's see.

I had just returned from the goblin quest and was currently recovering from that trauma.

I heard mages talking about how much stronger the cabbages were.

Stronger, faster, healthier, tougher, smarter…

That's right! I came here on this journey to find that relic!

As soon as I remembered that, the headache instantly vanished, as if it had dissolved, and all of my true memories came rushing back. We came here to investigate, not arrest.

And Sirius didn't injure Pax, a zombie did.

"Wait, no, this is wrong…"

"Tricked somehow. Memories confused."

"What am I doing?"

And the others seemed to be getting their memories back as well. Seems like when I broke whatever spell caused that, it freed the others too.

_Clap, clap, clap._

"Well, way to spoil my meal. I had hoped to savor that despair for just a bit longer. You really are a bothersome little Thief, aren't you?"


	8. Cabbage Crusaders (4)

_O Month X Day_

_The soul of a hero visited me. Or at least, he was meant to be a hero. Unfortunately, fate was not so generous to him. Cause of death: slain by the Demon King._

_According to Aqua-senpai, his first life in Japan was pitiable: unable to find a talent to call his own, he struggled with self-doubt. When his life was cut short by misfortune and she offered to make him a hero, he hesitated, unsure of whether he was worthy. She eventually won him over with a very unique and powerful cheat item: the Philosopher's Bloodstone. In contrast to the typical philosopher's stone, this item had only one effect: to enhance and amplify the qualities of its target. A tree would become healthier and bear more fruit, a potion would grow more potent, and a suit of armor's hardness and sturdiness would improve. And if used on a person, their stats would all rise dramatically, though the process would probably be extremely painful. The prospect of being able to improve every part of himself was too enticing for him to pass up, however._

_And yet, even this was not enough to save him. Despite the overwhelming power he obtained, he continued to hesitate and second-guess every move he made, which, in a battle against the Demon King, was a fatal mistake._

_After sobbing his heart out for a while, he decided to go to heaven. I tried my best to console him, but in the end, there was nothing I could do to ease his anguish. As I sent him on his way, I tried to put myself in his shoes. What must it be like to try so hard, yet fail because of an inner demon you couldn't conquer?_

* * *

Maxwell walked into the room, saying something rather incriminating.

"I thought you were waiting outside."

"I was, until my meal was so rudely cut short. Seriously, I was really looking forward to the second course, where they'd be crushed by hopelessness as they were prosecuted in court."

In response to my challenge, Maxwell casually responded with more damning lines. This guy had been making me feel uneasy since we first met, but I had put it aside since I didn't want to judge someone I didn't know anything about based on a feeling.

Turns out I should've trusted my gut more.

"So you're the one behind this whole mess?"

He sighed.

"Do you really need me to spell it out? Though, I suppose if I don't then you can't really convict me. Well, since the neroid's out of the bag now I might as well."

He suddenly struck a flamboyant pose.

"Allow me to properly introduce myself! I am the manipulator of facts, the twister of truth! A general of the Demon King's army and duke of hell, the arch devil Max– ooh, temper, temper."

As soon as that word left his mouth, I was already lunging at him with my daggers, but he managed to block my attack by slipping past the blades and grabbing my arms, then flinging me back, sending me crashing against the opposite wall. Damn, how strong is this bastard? I shook off the pain and got back into a ready stance, but so far there wasn't any counterattack incoming. My party mates were also now taking battle stances, while Filman was doing his best to remain composed and the farmers were simply staring with slack-jawed expressions.

This damn devil. So all of this was just a means to produce negative emotions for his own enjoyment. The mere thought of that was sickening me.

Wait, does that mean…

"Detect Treasure."

_Ping_

As I suspected, a powerful reaction came from right in front of me.

"Oh, so you know about this little bauble, then?"

After hearing me use that skill, Maxwell pulled out a round crimson gemstone, about half the size of an egg. To think that it was right under my nose this entire time… I silently cursed myself.

"Wait, if you had it, then the farmers…"

"Oh, those three men currently frozen in shock were simply trying out a new fertilizer. I had one of my kin tell me the exact time the cabbages would take off, then right before they did I snuck in and used the stone on them, yee hee hee!"

He let out a chilling laugh as he recounted his plan, but his face remained emotionless as always. When not used by the intended owner, the bloodstone's effects lose their permanency, only lasting a few days at most. More than enough time for the near supersonic cabbages to reach Accelia from here.

Wait, by now it must've worn off, so all that delicious cabbage will have returned to normal. Dammit, I was hoping to have some more when I returned.

"I must say, however, I really am impressed that you managed to break my spell, silver-haired thief. And for you to also know about this gem… who exactly are you, I wonder?"

He questioned my identity as he placed the bloodstone back in his pocket.

"I'm the one who's going to send you back to hell, you damned devil!"

Damn that sounded cool.

"I must say, I prefer to avoid killing mortals when possible, since you provide such delicious emotions. I don't, however, have any qualms about crippling and mutilating you, yee hee hee!"

"Ah, um, sorry to interrupt, but maybe it'd be best if you take this outside, no? This living room isn't really suited for fighting."

Filman had a good point, but he completely ruined the mood. An awkward silence descended on the room. Sirius coughed lightly. Even Maxwell seemed a bit at a loss, as his plan hadn't involved any fighting in the first place.

"… if it's all right with you, I certainly wouldn't mind taking this outside."

In the end, the devil broke the silence, and we all sort of mumbled agreement.

… my cool line was totally wasted.

* * *

Leaving Filman and the flabbergasted farmers in the farmhouse, we relocated to the yard, and then took up fighting positions again. Sirius was in the middle, with Pax on the right and me on the left. Maxwell stood across from us about 10 meters away, not even bothering to put up his guard despite it being 3 vs 1. And I'm painfully aware that it's not just overconfidence, either. I made this body to have resistance to mental corruption, yet he was able to overcome it, albeit not completely. And when he threw me just now, I could tell he wasn't using his full strength.

He really is an archduke of hell.

I took stock of our own forces.

Sirius is unparalleled in close quarters; I'm not certain, but I'm guessing that even Maxwell would have a hard time fending it off.

Pax uses magic to enhance her own swordplay and debuff her targets, and then tops off her assault with powerful close range attack magic. Her attacks would leave Maxwell vulnerable, though she'd have to stay clear of Sirius. The false memory she had of getting hit by him will actually be beneficial here, as it'll make her more cautious.

I'm the lowest level out of all of us, and the Thief class isn't fully geared toward direct combat. And on top of that, I don't have particularly strong equipment. Of course, if I'm stealthy and slip in a couple Assassinate attacks, I'll be able to whittle his health down quite a bit. I just need to avoid Sirius while also not getting in the way of Pax…

Isn't this party too unbalanced!? All of us are melee fighters! It wasn't a big deal when we were just supposed to protect against mob monsters, but this is a boss battle now. Not to mention that damn devil has already seen us in action before, so he already knows our basic moves. And he has the Philosopher's Bloodstone on top of that.

As a last resort, I could try doing a full divine descent and smiting him, but that would effectively end my time here in the mortal world, since my identity would be exposed to humans, and I'd return to heaven with a grand total of one (1) divine relic for all my hardships. Not to mention all the trouble I'd be in. It would win me the battle, but result in a catastrophic loss of the war, so I need to avoid that at all costs.

"So what's our play, Chris?"

Sirius had his gaze locked on our opponent, watching for any sudden movements. Pax didn't say a word, but glanced in my direction with a questioning look.

Hey, I don't recall being appointed as the tactician. I do actually have a plan, but still, you can't just drop that responsibility on someone without warnig.

"Sirius, you run up and do your thing. Pax, circle around behind him and hit him with some spells and hit and run attacks. Move around to keep him right between you two, so that he's forced to defend two sides at once. Once he's pinned down and debuffed, I'll jump in and cut him until he falls."

I relayed my plan in a barely audible whisper, while also covering my mouth in case that fiend can read lips. He seemed quite bemused at our strategizing, as if he were thinking "Yee hee hee, these silly humans actually think they have a chance!"

Sure, his arrogance is probably justified. Dukes of hell are no laughing matter. But confidence is a precarious thing. Having too little, or too much, will always prove fatal. The very bloodstone now sitting in his pocket was a grim reminder of that. If I can exploit his arrogance, then…

"Go!"

Sirius kicked up a cloud of dust as he rushed in, his greatsword trailing behind him, and as he got within range– he instantly spun around and delivered a crushing downstroke. Not just Maxwell, even I was caught off guard by that. With the way Sirius acts, I often forget that, despite his age, he's a trained warrior with years of experience, and not an idiot that would use an attack the enemy had already seen before.

Unable to dodge the blade coming down from above in time, Maxwell quickly caught it between his hands. Though he was able to keep it from cleaving him in half, the sheer force of the blow was transmitted through his body, and the ground under his feet cracked apart from the impact.

"Hoho, so your attacks really were as strong as they looked, unwanted warrior?"

His jab fell on deaf ears, of course, since Sirius's mind had already become empty of everything except fighting and breathing. Yanking his sword free from the devil's grasp, he immediately followed up with a flurry of attacks that seemed way too fast given the size of the weapon. Maxwell managed to dodge or deflect all of them, but he couldn't get a single moment's rest.

"Slow! Weaken!"

Pax hit him with debuff spells from behind, then started moving in for her own attack. I followed a few meters behind her, watching for an opening.

Pax raised her sword as she prepared to unleash an attack skill. With Maxwell bogged down by her debuffs and pinned by Sirius's assault, it should be a guaranteed hit… but as she closed in, his eyes started glowing red. Alarm bells went off in my head. Acting on instinct, I took one end of my Bind rope in my hand and whipped the other towards Pax.

"Bind!"

The other end of the rope wrapped around her waist, and I yanked her back. She let out a yelp of surprise as she was jerked off balance and fell backwards. As I caught her, Maxwell suddenly vanished, reappearing about 3 meters to the side, and Sirius continued charging forward, his sword cutting through the space Pax had been in just a heartbeat before. His movements seemed a bit more sluggish, though.

"That was a close one. You okay there?"

"U-Um… yes, t-thank you."

The near death experience seemed to have shaken her a bit, as her face was flushed red.

"Crap, I'm so sorry, I did it again even after promising not to…"

"Oh, uh, no worries. Not your fault. I also hit you with spells. Also last time was fake. Maxwell's lie."

Having been shocked out of his berserk state by almost bisecting Pax, Sirius hurried to apologize. Pax practically jumped out of my arms as she reassured him.

"Yee hee hee! All I did was defend, and yet you lot nearly killed yourselves! Yee hee hee!"

I had to take a couple deep breaths to keep myself from lunging at that jerk's throat. He wasn't going on the offensive yet, so we took a moment to regroup.

As I cut off the rope wrapped around Pax, my mind was racing. I managed to save her, but what the heck was that just now? Teleportation?

No, it was too instantaneous, with no startup. Plus, Pax's spells definitely hit him before, but then somehow they were affecting Sirius? It almost felt like he didn't move, and that he had always been in that spot he's in now.

The twister of truth, he called himself.

"What's the matter? I think I felt a glimmer of despair just now. Are you already giving up?"

And now he's becoming even more arrogant. Assuming I'm reading him correctly… the plan I came up with earlier was actually looking more solid than ever. We just need to win this next engagement.

"Pax, this time you're taking point with me. Sirius, stay on standby and wait for the opening. You'll know it when you see it. Ready Pax?"

"Roger that."

"Eh? A-Alright."

"You okay there Pax? You seem a little distracted."

"N-No, not distracted, I'm fine."

"If you say so. Break!"

After relaying the new tactics, we jumped into action again.

"Ho? You're approaching me again–"

"Skill Seal!"

"Weaken! Slow! Mindbog!"

We attacked from both sides again, this time leading with my Skill Seal to hopefully stop those shenanigans of his from happening again.

"Spark Lunge! Rapid Jab! Skewer! Burst Slash!"

Pax's attacks weren't quite as fast as Sirius's, but by using her Spellsword skills she enhanced her offensive pressure while also weaving attack spells in between the strikes. Though he could protect himself against her sword, the magic part of her attacks were starting to score hits on him.

"… tch. You're an irritating one as well."

He made a show of being frustrated by the damage he's taking. It was really good acting, to be honest. If not for the countless memories of devils I've looked through over the years, I'd have bought it too. It's fortunate for me that they're so predictable.

I rushed towards him, raising my daggers up. He saw me coming and shifted his stance slightly, preparing to dodge my blades while his arms were still occupied with fending off Pax.

"Assassinate!"

I shouted as I drop kicked him. Caught by my unexpected attack, he stumbled back from the impact. And right into range of Sirius's blade.

_Thump_

Maxwell jumped back to gain distance, leaving his left arm on the ground where it had fallen. His body was covered in various wounds from the different kinds of magic Pax had been slinging, and black blood was dripping from his left shoulder. He looked up at us, his eyes somehow intense despite the lack of emotion.

"You… you… you damn bastards…"

Yep, here it comes. Right on cue.

"I'm Maxwell, a duke of hell! And you dare to stand in my way!?"

"Sorry pal, but it looks like you underestimated us! You devils don't seem to understand the power of the human spirit!"

Sirius responded to the cliché line with another, even more cliché line. He really loves this sort of stuff, huh.

Okay, that devil should do the thing right about–

"… as if! You actually thought you had a chance? Yee hee hee!"

He reached into his pocket–

"STEAAAAAL!"

And before he pulled his hand out, a small, round object appeared in my hand.

"Yee hee, silly thief! The moment we were introduced I knew I had to prepare countermeasures, so I filled my pockets with pebbles the first night we stopped! There's no amount of luck in the world that'll let you grab the… treasure… eh?"

I tossed the Philosopher's Bloodstone I was holding into the air and caught it. Bitch, I _am_ luck.

Maxwell stared in stunned silence for a few seconds. I knew that devils would take any chance they could get to taste their favorite emotions. Maxwell didn't try to crush us immediately, yet he clearly wasn't opposed to fighting us, so it wasn't hard to guess that he wanted to toy with us. And what better way to make us feel despair than by letting us feel victory within our grasp, only to wrench it away by using the bloodstone on himself?

Of course, if I had tried stealing the bloodstone right from the start, he might've come at us at full force immediately. By waiting until the last moment, I got him to allow himself to get nearly destroyed, and now that he's heavily injured, we actually have a chance to defeat him. Outsmarting a piece of trash like him is child's play.

"… yee… yee… yee hee hee hee hee!"

He started laughing, the hardest he'd laughed all day. As he laughed, his expression changed: his mouth broke into a twisted smile.

"You got me! You actually got me! Yee hee hee!"

"Any last words before you get sent back to hell, devil?"

I readied my daggers as I prepared to give the command to rush him down and finish him off. Well, he might have brought extra lives here, but if that's the case, once he revives I'll descend when no one's looking and purify him until all those lives are gone.

"… I'll remember you, Chris. I'll definitely remember you. And I look forward to tasting your delicious despair one day, yee hee hee. _Unleash the power hidden within, go full 200%!_"

"Huh? Chris, you have any idea what language those last few words were just now?"

"…!"

Sirius was perplexed by those foreign words, while Pax, for some reason, seemed rather shocked when she heard them.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Meanwhile, I was screaming in pain. The moment he said the Japanese keywords, the relic in my hand started to glow, and energy started rushing into my arm. At first it was like a trickle, but the flow of energy kept accelerating. After a few seconds, it felt like my body was burning from the inside out. And it just kept coming, getting more and more intense. I tried to drop the bloodstone, but I couldn't open my hand. My mind was starting to black out from the pain…

"Mindbog!"

… oh, the pain feels a bit duller now… actually, everything feels a bit duller now… it's better than the pain, though, so I'm glad…

* * *

As the carriage rumbled down the road, I thought back on yesterday's battle, and cursed at myself for the umpteenth time. I'm such an idiot. And a hypocrite. I looked down on Maxwell for his overconfidence, yet I wasn't following what I preached and lost to my own arrogance. Next time I see that piece of crap, I promise I'll treat him as the formidable foe he is as I grind him into dust.

Apparently he made his escape while I was incapacitated and Sirius and Pax were tending to me. And he took his arm with him too. Now he's out there somewhere, and I have no idea where. I couldn't help but berate myself for letting him get away.

Well on the bright side, divine relic Philosopher's Bloodstone get! Mission success! And I (unwillingly) confirmed its powers firsthand. Once I came to after fainting from the activation, I found that my stats had all increase by severalfold.

Too bad it'll only last a couple days. And I am definitely not using it ever again, no matter what. I'm just gonna take it back to heaven. And maybe make some adjustments to this body while I'm there, come to think of it.

After I had recovered, we all sat down with Filman and the farmers to sort out everything that'd happened so far. We formerly apologized to the farmers for falsely accusing and threatening them when they had just wanted to give the budding city of adventurers the high quality crops they deserved. According to Filman, there were several reasons why the Agricultural Guild hadn't actually suspected the farmers of terrorism, the most "notable" reason being that, if they were truly malicious, they wouldn't have made the cabbages taste so good. Personally I found that logic a bit dubious, but I'll take it. The farmers themselves were still shaken up, what with the appearance of a duke of hell in their living room and all, so they didn't raise much of a fuss. Sirius must've felt guilty, since he offered them a handful of gold coins as compensation. They accepted it, of course.

Rather than stay the night at the farmhouse, we decided to give the poor farmers some space and set off towards Accelia that afternoon. We were too exhausted to talk much for the rest of that day, but by the next morning we were feeling a bit more lively.

"And then I said, 'Sorry pal, but it looks like you underestimated us! You devils don't seem to understand the power of the human spirit!'"

"You actually said that? To a duke of hell? You really are one of a kind, Sirius."

Sirius was busy recounting the tale of our epic battle to Filman, who had been forced to watch from the farmhouse window. Pax was sitting in the far corner of the carriage, not really paying attention to the conversation. It seemed like she had something on her mind.

"Something wrong Pax?"  
"Fuweh!?"

Fuweh? Haven't heard that sound from her before.

"Oh, uh… I have request."

Once she recovered from being startled, she responded with something unexpected.

"Oh? What's up?"

"Could… I join your party?"

"Sure."

"I know my talking is bad. I'm still… eh? You said yes?"

"Yep. Oh, I assume you're okay with that, Sirius?"

"Of course. Well, we'll have to work out formations and strategies to avoid incidents like that one that didn't happen from happening."

"… other parties all rejected me. Thought I was rude and snotty because I talk little."

… I decided not to mention that I also thought that.

"Yeah, I've been wondering about that. This isn't your first language, is it? I've met foreign diplomats before so I'm familiar with people that aren't comfortable with our language."

"You're right. This is the second language I know."

"So where're you from?"

"Belzerg."

"… eh?"

"I'll explain. Father was foreigner. Mother died in childbirth, so he doted on me. Raised me in small cabin in mountains, taught me many things so I could be successful. When I was 16, traveled with father to town. Discovered he only taught me in his home tongue, forgot to teach me language of this land. Father berated himself much over that."

… isn't that a complete failure of a father? Well, at least his heart seemed to be in the right place.

"Also, was wondering, is really okay another melee fighter joining your party?"

"… probably not, but we're not exactly a regular adventuring party anyway. And I think we worked pretty well together yesterday, so it's not like it can't work."

I reached out to take Pax's hand and shake it. I had to be careful not to accidentally crush her hand with my currently boosted strength.

"Welcome aboard, my friend. We're glad to have someone of your skill with us."

She must not be used to getting compliments, because her face was starting to turn red.

"Ah, always nice to see adventurers forming bonds. Speaking of which, after that ordeal, I'd say we've earned a small vacation, wouldn't you?"

"Hm? What do you have in mind, Filman?"

"Well you see, my noble friend, there's actually a secret little place along this route. A hot spring."

"Wait, really? I haven't heard anything about that?"

"I just said it's a secret, didn't I? Normally I only share it with fellow guild associates who travel this way, but I think after all we've been through, I can trust you folk on this one. It's about half a day's journey from here, so we'd reach it by nightfall. You all interested?"

"Yes please." x3

I gave silent thanks to my water-attributed senpai for this blessing.

Though, she's probably just reading manga right now.


	9. The Hot Springs Chapter

_O Month X Day_

_"If you must punish someone, punish me, Eris-sama."_

_That troubling line was said to me by a certain princess that had come to me today. Her life at court had been a pitiful one, as she was nothing more than a political pawn to be married off. Then, one day, she eloped with a famed Archmage, and proceeded to spend the rest of her life on the run with him. And those years in hiding were, to her, the greatest years of her life._

_So why was she now begging me for fogiveness? It was due to her lover, the Archmage. In order to protect her… he performed a forbidden ritual and became a lich. Such an act is one of the highest sins one can commit. Undead are blasphemous existences, and to become one to gain immortality and command other undead is doubly blasphemous. By all rights, I should send that Archmage straight to hell after he dies._

_But as I looked at this princess's face, filled with the determination to sacrifice herself to save his soul…_

_"I know what he did is unforgivable, but he only did it for my sake. He never used the power he gained for evil. In fact, he even used his authority over undead to help send trapped and lost souls to the afterlife. If anyone is at fault, it is me, for being the reason he was forced into that situation. That's why-"_

_"Enough."  
_

_I cut her off. No matter how righteous he was, a sin is a sin, and it must be punished. When you make an exception once, that exception becomes precedent, and law collapses as the line between guilty and not guilty becomes blurred. Therefore…_

_"Very well, I'll accept your sacrifice. In return for the lich Keele's salvation, I will now punish you for the sin of lichdom."_

_"I understand."_

_She bowed her head, ready to accept my judgement._

_"For this crime, you shall be sentenced to wait in purgatory indefinitely, and then be reincarnated only when I decide to do so."_

_I gave her a wink as I said that._

_"Eh? You mean-"_

_"Please take this time to reflect on your sins, and to prepare an apology to give that person the next time you meet."_

_"… yes, Eris-sama. I shall do so."_

_As I sent her off to be 'punished,' I saw her mouth the words 'Thank you' to me. Really, what a handful that woman is. That Keele person sure knows how to pick them, huh._

_Of course, I still have quite a few stern words to say to him. His lover may have earned his salvation, but that doesn't mean he'll get out of being lectured._

* * *

The cart rumbled along through the forest, then entered a side path hidden behind a large boulder.

"We'll be there in about 10 minutes, everyone."

"Can't wait! I've actually never been to a hot spring before. Didn't have much free time growing up."

"I have. Feels amazing."

My two party mates didn't bother to hide their anticipation. As for me…

"Haah, this will be just what my body needed after all that."

I'm pretty sure I was even more eager than them. After all, I definitely suffered the most back at that farmhouse. Even now, my body was still sore from the effects of that relic.

"Oh yeah, that reminds me. What exactly happened to you with that stone back there?"

"I'm also somewhat curious about that. From the window I simply saw you collapse suddenly."

"Tell."

Geh. I opened myself up to that one just now. Back then, after the Bloodstone had finished transmuting me and detached itself from my hand, these two removed it and threw it away. I imagine they were perplexed (and maybe a little concerned) when, after coming to, I frantically used Detect Treasure to reacquire the object that had just been torturing me. I dodged their questions by asking about Maxwell, but it doesn't look like that'll work this time.

… I looked around at their faces. Obviously I can't tell them I'm Eris, but… I feel like I can trust them with this relic at least. To begin with, the existence of divine relics isn't exactly a secret. There's even a few locked away in Dustiness manor apparently. Not to mention that after that whole ordeal we went through, they deserve to know the truth.

I took out the crimson gem and held it up.

"Well, as you've probably figured out, this isn't your average magic item. This is actually a divine relic, known as the Philosopher's Bloodstone…"

* * *

"… even though I'm looking right at it, I still can't believe these numbers."

"Absurd."

"Hey, don't just leave me in the dark, pass it up here and let me see!"

After explaining the Bloodstone's effect, I showed them my adventurer's card, with my temporarily inflated stats displayed on it. To put it in perspective, my Strength stat, which used to be appropriate for a low level Thief, is currently on par with Sirius's, a mid level Berserker. Most of my other stats are also similarly boosted. My Luck doesn't appear to have changed, though. I can't tell if it's a limitation of the relic or of the card.

"… if keep the stone, will be strongest adventurer in the country, no?"

"Not a chance. I'm not going to suffer through that every time I'm getting ready to head into battle. And more importantly, something this dangerous shouldn't be in this world at all. Just imagine if someone like Maxwell got ahold of it again."

"So, what are you planning on doing with it? If you need somewhere secure to put it, my family's vault is extremely well-protected."

"Thanks, but I already have plans to seal it away."

Not to mention that I'll probably need to empty that vault myself eventually. It's not that I don't trust their security, but I don't want to take any chances with this world's safety.

"Sorry to interrupt, but we've arrived. Welcome to the Agricultural Guild's official unofficial hot spring!"

We had entered a sizable clearing, and in front of us was a cozy-looking wooden cottage. It was a single-story affair, though it was quite wide. It seemed like it could house around a dozen people at once. There were walls stretching out behind it, and beyond that we could see steam rising up into the air.

"As you can see, it's not particularly big or fancy, but that's the price we pay for privacy."

Small and out in the forest in the middle of nowhere. It doesn't get more private than that.

"No defenses. Safe from monsters?"

"Funny you should ask that. Monsters actually avoid this spring like the plague. We think it may have been blessed by the goddess Aqua."

Somehow I seriously doubt that, considering how obscure this place is.

Then again, Aqua-senpai's reasoning and actions can be unfathomable sometimes, so who knows?

We disembarked the carriage and filed into the cabin. It was surprisingly spacious inside, with a large central room giving it an open feel. There was a long table in the middle, and a kitchen in the back. There were two doors leading off, one on either side.

"Bedrooms are on the left, spring entrances on the right. There's four rooms, each made to board 2-3 people, and since no one else is here right now we'll each get our own."

… that's actually perfect. If I have privacy then I can make a quick trip to heaven tonight, instead of waiting until we got back to the city.

"Is there no one running this place?"

"Nope, it's just us here, my noble friend. Now, I suppose we should think about dinner…"

I tuned out the conversation and started making plans for tonight. First order of business is to increase this avatar's mental corruption resistance. The avatar has a limited power budget to work with since I'm not adding my own divine power to it, so I didn't go all in on resistances.

"… spice mix? Why are you carrying that? Not that I'm complaining, of course."

"Father's advice. Said always…"

But I've clearly underestimated how important it is. I'll raise it to the max so I'll be immune to effects like Maxwell's powers. I'll have to sacrifice some of my stats, but leveling up a bit more will compensate for that.

"… –men's on the right. I'll stable the horse and then prepare the meal, so you all can go ahead in the meantime."

"No, my spices, I should-"

"Don't worry, I know my way around the kitchen. And you all are my guests, so I should be preparing the meal, right?"

"Just leave it to him, Pax."

"… alright."

The other matter is the Bloodstone. I could take it to heaven right now, but then it would be suspicious to the others if it just disappeared overnight. I suppose I can at least seal it just in case.

"… going springs now. Coming?"

"Seems like your friend is a bit lost in thought right now, miss. I'll tell them you two went ahead."

"I'll go in after doing maintenance on my sword. Can't neglect my partner, you know. You're lucky though, Pax, getting that whole side of the bath to yourself."

"Huh? You say strange things…"

Actually, maybe I should give this avatar sealing magic so I can use it whenever I want. It'd be really nice to be able to disable any divine relics being used against me. Though, my stats would suffer even more…

"… could be used to make a nice stew. Too bad we don't have any fresh meat… say, Chris, how are you at hunting?"

"Eh?"

When I heard my name I looked up, only to see Filman standing in the kitchen area, sniffing the contents of a small pouch. My party members were nowhere to be seen.

"Ah, was just wondering if you could catch a rabbit or something for tonight's dinner."

"Sorry, but I don't have experience hunting anything except giant toads."

"Is that so? No worries, I can work fine with dried meat. Oh, your party members have already gone to the springs while you were zoned out."

Right, hot springs. No more thinking. Just relaxing. I might need this more than I thought.

"I'll head in too then."

"I'll come calling when dinner's ready."

I headed over to the door on the right. The hallway beyond it turned left after a bit, went back past the bedrooms, then left again to go alone the back of the building. There were two doorways on the right leading out back. I'm pretty sure he said the men's bath was on the right, so that means the women's must be on the left.

* * *

"Aaahhh…"

The heat of the water seeped into my body, loosening my muscles and easing my aching limbs. Aqua-senpai always bragged that the hot springs under her authority were far more valuable than any blessings I could give. Normally I wouldn't pay that claim any mind, but right now, as I soaked in the warm embrace of the spring, I was finding it hard to argue against it. This is heaven… no, it's actually way better than heaven, no contest. The only thing that could make this better would be a cold glass of neroid. I adjusted my towel and shifted into an even more comfortable position.

"Haah…"

If wasn't for my empty stomach I think I might've actually fallen asleep in here. Just soaking away my weariness, both physical and mental, forgetting my worries… well, if I did I suppose I could just have Pax wake me up.

Speaking of which, where is she? Supposedly she went in before me, yet I don't see her in here.

"Hmmmm, hm-hm-hmmmm, hm-hm-hmmmm, hm-hm-hmmmm…"

Humming? It's coming from the other side of the dividing wall. I moved over to the wall to hear it better.

"Hmm, hm-hmmmm, hm-hm-hmmmmmm, hm-hmmmm…"

Wait, I think that's Pax. That song sounds… familiar. I can't place it though.

Wait, that's not the issue here. The real question is why it's coming from the other bath.

Did she go into the wrong side by accident?

No, hold on. Logically speaking, if anyone made a mistake, it was me, who wasn't properly listening earlier.

But then I should've seen Sirius's clothes in the other room… except he's currently doing weapon maintenance. Well, when he comes in he'll see my clothes and realize I'm in here. Yep. Definitely.

…

How long does weapon maintenance take? Maybe if I'm quick I could get over to the other bath… but then I might run into him on the way out… but the longer I wait… no, my luck should protect me, so I just need to go now.

"Ah, that steam feels nice!"

Right as I started to get up, I sat back down again. Geh, I could've made it out if I had just left immediately. Well, at least he's wearing a towel.

"Oh, what're you doing there, Chris?"

Did he really not see my clothes?

Wait, why is he just casually strolling over here!? He's acting like it's no big deal!

"W-What do you think you're doing!?"

"What do you mean?"

He's getting way too close! Did I misjudge him?

As he got closer I prepared to unleash my Bloodstone-boosted punch–

"Why're you over next to the wall?"

Eh? The wall? Why's he asking that?"

He glanced at the wall, then leaned in a bit and started to whisper.

"… were you trying to peep?"

What.

"I promise I won't tell Pax, but… I hadn't figured you for a pervert, so I was just asking."

…

…

Does he think…

…

"… I wasn't peeping, I just thought lying against the wall would be comfortable. I wouldn't dare invade the privacy of our first female party member."

"Ah, I see. Sorry to accuse you like that, then."

No way. He actually…

I don't know whether to be relieved or outraged. Both are probably appropriate here. This _does_ explain a lot about the way he's acted towards me, so there's that, at least.

"Ahhh, this water really is nice. We should go on another hot spring trip in the future."

"Yeah, definitely."

I couldn't stay outraged while immersed in this blissful water, so I settled for mildly irked.

Obviously I need to clear this up eventually, but definitely not right now, or I'd return to heaven out of embarrassment. So for now I just have to bear with it.

And if I have to suffer through this, there's no way I'm letting him off scot-free. Time to tease him a bit.

"So, Sirius."

"Hm?"

"What do you think of Pax?"

"Eh? Where'd that come from?"

If there's one thing I've learned from the manga Aqua-senpai lent me, it's that boys get easily flustered when asked about pretty girls.

"Well, she's a very impressive warrior. In fact, she'd probably be able to hold her own on the frontlines near the capital."

Oh right, I forgot the other thing I learned from those manga: boys are super dense, so you have to be explicit with questions like these.

"I meant what do you think of her as a woman?"

"She's nice enough, I suppose. A reliable and honest person, and apparently she knows how to cook too."

What's with this unfazeable composure. Did manga lie to me?

I pulled my towel a bit tighter as I changed to a different plan of attack.

"So, earlier I think I heard you call your sword your 'partner,' right? Does it have a name?"

"W-What? No, it's just an ordinary sword, of course it doesn't have a name."

There. It's hard to tell since we're already covered with steam and heat, but I could tell from his body language that he just blushed a little. So he's attached to his sword, is he?

How cute.

"You say it's an ordinary sword, but it's clearly very high quality. And even I can tell that it's well cared for, what with that polished, razor-sharp edge. You really treat Excalibur well, don't you?"

"Her name's not Excalibur, it's–"

He suddenly stopped himself and shut up, but it was too late.

"So it *does* have a name!"

"No it doesn't."

"You even called it 'her!'"

"No I didn't."

"Come on, tell me! We're friends, aren't we?"

"Well, yes–"

"And friends introduce each other to their other friends!"

"Hey! You're just making fun of me, aren't you?"

"Whaaat, no, of course not, I'm completely serious. Besides, you should really tell me its name in case of emergency."

"I suppose… wait, what kind of emergency would require that you know my sword's name?"

"Well, say your sword got lost in a crowded place, and you needed my help to look for it."

"I don't see how–"

"I'd need to know what name to call out, otherwise she wouldn't respond to me, right?"

"You ARE just making fun of me!"

"Pffft hahahaha!"

This is just too easy. And fun. I might get addicted to teasing.

"So tell me, how long have–"

"Hey, Sirius! Dinner's ready!"

"We'll be right there!"

Filman interrupted with that announcement, and Sirius jumped on to that escape route. Wait.

"Eh? What do you mean, 'we?'"

Oh crap baskets.

I quickly covered Sirius's mouth before he could respond.

"Don't ask why, but you must never tell them I was here in the bath."

I told him that under my breath, then released my hand.

"That hurt, you were pressing way too hard."

"Sorry."

"Also, why–"

"I just said to not ask why, didn't I? Look, if you can keep quiet about this, I promise not to tease you about your sword anymore."

"My lips are sealed."

He agreed instantly.

"Sirius?"

"Yeah, I said I'll be right there! Just give me a minute!"

"… alright then."

I'll have to find some new material to tease him over, but it was a necessary sacrifice. I waited a few minutes after he left, then got out of the spring myself.

* * *

The dinner was quite good. Filman had prepared a stew using Pax's spice mix and some dried meat. Sirius seemed to be an especially big fan, as he wolfed down four whole bowls before I could finish my second.

"Ahhh, that hit the spot. Well everyone, I'm going to go to bed before I pass out. Goodnight."

"Goodnight." x3

After he left, Filman followed shortly after.

"It really has been a long day. If you'll excuse me, ladies."

"Goodnight." x2

I stifled a yawn. I really wanted to turn in too, but I had some things to attend to first. As much as I wanted to put it off another day, I really shouldn't. I'll probably end up sleeping in late tomorrow to balance it out.

"Well, goodnight Pax."

_Tug_

As I went to leave, however, I felt a tug on the back of my top.

"Something the matter?"

"… you didn't come to bath."

Ah, that's right. She was probably waiting for me, wasn't she. It must've felt like I stood her up.

"Oh, I'm so sorry about that, something came up, and I couldn't enter the bath."

"…"

According to her pouting face, that lame explanation wasn't satisfactory. Did she really want to hang out with me that much? She said she got rejected by other parties, so maybe she was looking forward to some girl talk. Damn, now I feel kinda bad.

I put my hand on her shoulder.

"I really am sorry. Tell you what, why don't we see if we can go in tomorrow morning? It's not like we're in a rush to return to Accelia."  
"S-Sounds good."

"Alright then, it's a date! See you in the morning!"

I was glad that I managed to make up with her, but I also berated myself a little bit as I headed to my room. I just had to make plans for the morning, didn't I. So much for sleeping in. I might really fall asleep in the springs. Hopefully I don't offend her if I do.

* * *

Let's see, we need to raise this to Mental Corruption Immunity. And let's also raise Paralysis and Poison Resistances while we're at it. Last thing I want is to be put out of action prematurely. And I was also going to add Sealing Magic, right? That comes out to… yikes. I'll need to do some level grinding to make this up. The relic's effect appears to wear off in the next few days, though, so that's not a big window of time before I'm down to my nerfed base stats.

… I really don't want to use it again. Hopefully I'll find some strong monsters on the journey back. If not, then I'll just go back to toad hunting. With Sirius and Pax, it shouldn't be too hard.

Now, let's just seal this Philosopher's Bloodstone… and while I'm here, might as well check my backlog of souls…

* * *

"…"

"Chris?"

"…"

"Chris, wake up."

"Wagh!"

I accidentally drifted off while soaking with Pax. The stuff I did last night ended up taking longer than I thought.

"Sorry, I didn't sleep well last night."

"It's fine. Don't mind."

When I asked the guys this morning, they said they wouldn't mind going for another soak before leaving. I mean, who would turn that down? I had to take Sirius aside and tell him that it was just for Pax and I wasn't feeling up to going in again, though.

Well, I did all this so Pax could have her girl talk with me, but she hasn't said much since we got in. I guess just hanging out is enough for her. That's fine too, I guess.

I closed my eyes again. I know I was risking falling asleep again, but it just feels too nice.

"Chris?"

"Mm?"

"Thank you again for partying me. You are first person accept me. Means much to me."

"If you're really thankful, then work hard with us, okay?"

"Haha, can't wait tell father. He will be relieved."

"You'll have to introduce me to this man someday."

"I will."

Her voice sounded somewhat faint. Ah, seems like my consciousness is drifting again. It feels so nice… Aqua-senpai is so lucky…

* * *

"Hold it right there."

And our lovely vacation ended with a standoff. As we made to leave the cabin after lunch, we found that we had been surrounded by a zombie maker and his zombies. My party mates and I disembarked the carriage as we prepared for a fight.

"Zombies in broad daylight. There's something you don't see every day."

Sirius cracked a joke while unsheathing his beloved greatsword. He didn't seem too nervous. Neither did I, actually. Compared to Maxwell, this guy was hardly a threat. A zombie maker was a fairly low ranked enemy. And pummeling some mob enemies seems like a perfect way to finish off our vacation, not to mention I could use the experience points. I cracked my knuckles and then unsheathed my daggers.

"Before we help you depart from this plane, would you care to explain why you're here?"

Normally I wouldn't bother to ask, but I'm in a really good mood right now.

"You damn humans! That's our hot spring, you know!"

"Really? This is the first I'm hearing of that."

Filman didn't seem to have any inkling of this monster's claims.

"Don't play dumb with me! Me and my minions enjoyed that spring for years, and then one day that cursed goddess decided to bless it just to keep us out! What did we do to deserve that!?"

Ah, that actually does sound like something she would do.

"So? Even if that's true, what do you hope to accomplish by surrounding us here?"

"Revenge! If I can't enjoy this spring, I'm not going to let any humans enjoy it either!"

How uninspired.

"Say, Filman, has this guy ever attacked anyone else using the spring?"

"No, but we usually travel in bigger groups. He must've thought that since there's only four of us, he could pick on us."

Welp, let's not waste any more time here. I feel kind of bad about Aqua-senpai's actions, but this monster isn't very endearing either. If he wants a fight then he'll get it.

Without warning, I ran up and decapitated him. He didn't even react, and his headless body simply crumpled. I then ran around to every one of his minions, dispatching them in a similar manner.

When I finished, I walked back over to my friends, who were simply staring wide-mouthed. Sirius had only taken a single step forward.

"Hm? Is there something on my face?"

"Fast. Couldn't see."

"And ruthless. You didn't even let us have any."

These boosted stats are fun.

"Well, don't just stand there, let's get on home already."

I turned around and hopped back on the carriage.


	10. The Burglar and the Knight (1)

_Author's note: Hey, it's been a while. I'm planning to write more during the remainder of this quarantine, so look forward to it. And thanks for reading!_

_BTW, since it's been a while, if you need a refresher on what happened last time: The party went to investigate super cabbages, got betrayed by the devil Maxwell, and took a dip in the hot springs. Now, on to the next arc!_

* * *

_O Month X Day_

_I met the soul of one of the Japanese heroes. I think this is the 11th one. Cause of death: old age. If I remember right, for his boon he had chosen an artifact similar to one from a book series he had loved in his past life. He was a bit different than the typical hero. He wasn't particularly bold or daring, instead erring on the side of caution, and launching sneak attacks at prime opportunities. Many of the kingdom's knights called him a coward for his tactics, yet he did succeed in killing the demon king. He's only the 5th hero to succeed so far, in fact. His wish, however, was unusual. He wished to be forgotten by the world, so that he may live the rest of his life in solitude. And he did. Talking to him now, I expected him to have some regrets, having died without friends or family, but he had none. A strange person indeed. I suppose there are many things I still have to learn about the human heart._

* * *

_Pant, pant, pant_

My lungs felt like they were on fire, but I forced myself to keep running, faster than I thought I was capable of. My feet slipped a little on the cobblestone as I turned into an alley and my heart leapt into my throat, but I somehow managed to keep my balance. As I risked a glance over my shoulder, I saw them round the corner after me. How can they possibly be keeping up!? Dammit, if only I was in peak condition.

I turned back to the front, pushing myself even harder. If I recall correctly, there's an intersection right after the next corner, so I might be able to lose them there.

Just a few more meters…

–!

"We've got you now!"

Crap! Another group just cut me off. I skidded to a stop, and glanced back again. The first group is closing in too. I'm trapped.

Gah, why won't they listen to me!?

"Can you please just listen to me!? I'm not the messiah!"

"SHE IS THE MESSIAH!"

It's hopeless. They inched closer from both directions, intent on showering me with praise and affection. It was terrifying. I can handle one on one conversations with even the most devoted believers as Eris, but if I liked being the center of attention, I wouldn't have become a Thief.

I looked around me. Neither group looks small enough that I could force my way past, and on my left and right were just the plain, featureless walls of the buildings this alley wound between, with nothing but a few windows to break the monotony.

… wait. A plan quickly formed in my mind.

I suddenly stood up straight and raised my hands above my head.

"Attention, devoted children of Eris!"

The followers surrounding me stopped as they heard my words.

"The goddess has a divine message to share with you all, so please join me in prayer to receive it!"

As I said that, I closed my eyes and lowered my head. As expected, they all followed suit.

"…! I feel it! The presence of divine mana!"

"Hey, I think I feel it too!"

"Me too! It's the goddess! It must be!"

As they prayed, I scrambled up the wall using the windowsills as footholds, then began fleeing across the rooftops. There's only one place where I can hide now.

… by the way, there actually was divine mana appearing somewhere nearby at that moment, but I had no idea where it was coming from. Talk about a lucky coincidence. Investigating it will have to wait until this all blows over, though.

* * *

When we were returning to Accelia after that whole cabbage kerfuffle, we unanimously agreed that a little R&R was in order. Facing off against a Duke of Hell was way beyond what we had signed up for, and thus we had both physical and mental fatigue built up. My body in particular was still feeling a bit sluggish due to the aftereffects of the Philosopher's Bloodstone. The hot spring definitely helped, but a short break would still work wonders.

We arrived at the city gates just after lunch. After we parted ways with Filman, Pax set off for her home to visit her father, while Sirius went back to his family manor to work on some noble duties. I simply dragged myself to the inn and flopped onto the bed, where I lay for the rest of the afternoon. By nighttime, though, my stomach was complaining so loudly that I forced myself out of bed to get some dinner. As I ate, I was absent-mindedly fiddling with the now-sealed bloodstone when a thought suddenly occurred to me.

While my teammates and Filman certainly trust me, if word somehow got out that I was in possession of divine relics, it would draw a lot of unwanted attention. I needed some way to justify my activities.

"… hm, yeah, I can just do that, right?"

It seemed like such a good idea at the time. Once I returned to my room, I ascended to heaven and sent out a divine revelation, aiming it at the head priest of the Eris Church Accelia branch:

_There is a silver-haired thief tasked with a secret mission of collecting lost divine relics and returning them to me. If you see her, please assist her if you can._

A bit on the nose, but I thought it would get the job done without any problems. Now if I got caught with a relic, the head priest's authority should cover for me. With that taken care of, I hit the sack, looking forward to a day of relaxation.

* * *

"What was that head priest thinking? Did they miss the word "secret" in that revelation?"

I complained to myself as I caught my breath. Maybe I didn't word it clearly? Well, I can worry about it later; right now, I just need to catch a break. I walked up to the door I had stopped in front of.

_Knock knock_

After some moments, the door to the manor opened, revealing a familiar face.

"Ah, if it isn't the messiah herself. For what reason do we owe this chance to be graced with your presence?"

"Very funny, Sebastian. If you know about that then you can probably guess why I'm here."

"Yes, of course. Sirius heard about it too, and instructed me to shelter you if you came here. He's currently in his father's study."

"That guy really is sharper than he appears… except in _certain_ cases."

I gave the old butler an accusing look as I remembered a certain hot spring incident.

"You knew."

I recall him reacting strangely when we first met, but back then I had simply passed it off as rudeness.

He merely smiled back.

"I did."

"I don't suppose I should ask why you didn't correct him?"

"Such a thing is beyond the scope of my duties, my lady."

I sighed. This guy really is nothing but trouble.

"Whatever, just take me to Sirius."

"Yes, right this way, Messiah-sama."

"Shove it."

* * *

"Ah, if it isn't the messiah him–"

"Spare me, I already got that routine from your butler."

I need to clear up that misunderstanding of his one day, but I've got enough on my plate at the moment. I collapsed into an armchair in the corner of the study. It wasn't a large room, but the floor-to-ceiling window in the back wall gave it an open feel. There was an a exquisite-looking desk positioned in front of it, and it was behind this desk that my Berserker companion was currently seated, poring over some official-looking documents.

"Sounds like someone's had a rough day."

After greeting me, he returned to the paperwork, reading it intensely. I didn't bother responding, and just slumped back in the chair. I haven't even fully recovered from that damn relic, and yet I've been running non-stop since I stepped out of the inn this morning. It's almost noon now. Speaking of which, I didn't even have breakfast.

And naturally, as I had the thought, my stomach voiced its agreement.

"You doing a holy fast or something?"

"You know, I thought my friend would pity me more."

"Pity you? You're on a secret mission commissioned directly by Eris-sama herself. It's almost as if the goddess herself had visited this humble town."

I shot him a quick glance, but he was still looking down at the documents. He must've meant that sarcastically. Definitely.

I let out another sigh.

"It's not much of a secret mission if everyone knows about it."

"Nobody knows what that mission _is_, so I'd say it still counts as secret."

"Whatever you say, Mr. Politician. Now can you call your butler over and bring me some food? I'm dying over here."

"Is that any way to ask a noble for a favor?"

"No, it's the way Eris's messiah asks a loyal follower for their generous assistance."

"… touché."

He wrote something on the paper he was looking at, then gathered up the documents and stood up.

"Well it is about lunchtime, so let's head over to the dining room. This room isn't a place for eating."

He handed the documents to a servant as he left the room.

"Send this reply to Feldus."

"Right away, young master."

"So, Chris, sandwiches sound good?"

"I'd love some."

* * *

Sebastian brought us a giant platter of neatly arranged giant toad and cabbage sandwiches. I scarfed them down one after another, only taking breaks to breathe and drink water. In the back of my mind was a faint feeling that the goddess Eris should be conducting herself with more grace, but I'm not Eris right now so whatever.

After finally filling my stomach, I let out a sigh of relief and looked over at Sirius, who was still eating sandwiches at a rapid pace.

"You're a real lifesaver."

"Don't thank me, thank the chef. So, what're you going to do now?"

"I was just thinking I should lie low for a bit. Hopefully Eris will realize my plight and send another revelation telling them to get off my ass."

"You're talking a bit more crudely than usual there. You really don't like being a celebrity, do you?"

"Bite me."

He chuckled a bit, then grabbed another sandwich.

"Well, feel free to stay as long as you like. Though, I won't be able to hang out with you much, unfortunately; I've got some work that needs to be sorted out."

"Stuck doing your parents' work while they're out of town?"

"Pretty much. Though it's mostly just Lord Feldus requesting additional funds for his projects."

Feldus? I feel like I've heard that name before… it's none of my business, though.

"So, what's it like talking to the goddess herself?"

"I-It's not like that, she's just… sending me divine revelations on occasion to send me on missions. It's not like I've actually met her or anything."

"Still, I'm a little envious of you. Maybe one day she'll talk to me too."

Heh.

"Who knows? If you live righteously, maybe she'll–"

"Pardon my intrusion, young master, but Feldus is here to see you."

Of course, Sebastian had to interrupt right when I was going to say my smugly ironic line. Wait, Feldus?

"Didn't you just send a message to that person less than half an hour ago?"

"Most likely he was waiting outside this manor to intercept the courier as soon as he left."

The heck? So impatient, is he a child?

"Go ahead and let him in–"

"He's already in, young master."

The sound of frantic footsteps came from the hall, and shortly Sebastian stepped aside as a thin, blond man appeared in the doorway, clutching a familiar document in his hand. He was technically dressed as a noble, but his unkempt clothes and hair ironically made him appear closer to an adventurer.

"Sirius-sama, please reconsider! This is of the utmost importance! Ah, pardon me, Messiah-sama. Please, Sirius-sama!"

Lord Feldus gave me a short greeting when he noticed me, then returned to waving that document at Sirius.

It's going to take a hundred years for me to live down this messiah thing, isn't it?

"I'm sorry, Frederick, but I can't approve of any more national funds being used for your own personal projects."

"Personal projects? This is a matter of national security! My castle is outfitted with the most advanced security in the country! Do you understand what that means?"

"That you should do some research into the meaning of humility?"

"It means that if someone can infiltrate _my_ castle, then they could infiltrate any other castle in the kingdom as well. Including the royal palace."

"But according to your reports, you have yet to find a single trace of this supposed intruder, despite your alarms being triggered. The logical conclusion here is that your system is faulty. Funds denied."

As if to state that the conversation was over, Sirius returned his attention to the sandwich platter, which was now cleared of more than half the sandwiches.

"But I…"

He seemed at a loss for words. If he's a noble, he should probably work on his glibness.

Wait. His story is ringing a bell. If I recall, back when I was searching for leads in the tavern…

"Excuse me, um… Feldus-sama?"

"Hm? Ah, Messiah-sama, you can just call me Frederick like Sirius-sama does."

"Then in that case you should just call me Chris. Anyway, what's the deal with this intruder?"

He seemed a bit surprised that I was showing interest in this matter.

"Ah, well… it's something that I've been trying to hide from the public, but I can probably trust you to keep a secret, Me– er, Chris-sama."

"Of course."

"You see, the castle to the north is one that I've designed myself to be the ultimate fortress. It's not exactly in a vital strategic location, though. It's more of a proof of concept to test out new engineering techniques and design paradigms before implementing them in more critical locations. I don't mean to brag, but the construction is so sturdy that it could even survive an Explosion spell! In fact, it'd take at least a dozen hits from that ridiculously overpowered spell before it starts taking serious damage, but of course, there's no plausible situation where it'd be hit by that spell so many times."

Ah, he's one of those people who seem unconfident at first, but can talk endlessly when you ask them about their hobby. Great.

"And the intruder?"

I'd listen to him talk more, but I really want to hear about that, so I not-so-subtly asked him to get to the point.

"Yes yes, the intruder. You see, in addition to the construction, I've also devised cutting edge security systems, both mundane and magical, to detect and catch any intruder. Even skills like Lurk and spells like Invisibility can't hide from my network! … the thing is, though, for the past few weeks, the alarm components of my systems have been going off every night, but the traps don't catch anything, and my guards and mages, armed with magic items and detection spells, can't find any trace of an intruder. I've been trying to improve my system by looking for possible holes, but… well, perhaps Sirius-sama is right, and my systems are just flawed. Though no matter how I look, I can't find anything that would cause a false alarm."

"I see. Say, by any chance, in your employ, is there a man with a big, bushy beard that's too fond of alcohol for his own good?"

"Yes, that would be Harris. He's currently doing time in the dungeon for sharing confidential information."

So that's why I haven't been able to find him again after he dropped that lead on me. I'll have to thank him once he's let out.

Now then, with all the facts laid out… yep, I'm 97% sure of it.

"Well, Frederick, I believe I can solve your intruder problem."

"… eh? Wait, really!?"

"Mmm?"

Frederick's exclamation caused Sirius to look up from the sandwich he was about to finish off. Incidentally, it was the last one.

"Can you really catch the intruder!?"

"I can't give too many details, but this seems like it's related to my, uh, divine mission, so if you don't mind I'd like to look around."

"Yes yes yes, anything for you, Me– er, Chris-sama! I'll return now to prepare a welcome dinner, does 6 o'clock work? Great, see you then!"

"Wai– aaand he's gone."

Before I could even respond, the eccentric man had already dashed out the door. First Sirius, and now him… are all nobles weirdos?

"Is this really related to your mission?"

Weirdo #1 said with mustard from the sandwich smeared on his face.

"It could be, which is why I'm gonna check it out… after I take a nap. Ah, Sebastian, perfect timing, can you take me to–"

"Master Chris, you have a visitor."

"Did you really have to interrupt me? No, wait, who is this visitor!? No one should know I'm here!"

"It's an adventurer named Terry. I don't know how he found you, but he's saying that he wants to become the Messiah's knight and protect her from–"

"Annoying. Just leave him out there and take me to a guest room."

"Of course."

I really need that nap.


	11. The Burglar and the Knight (2)

_O Month X Day_

_Another reincarnated hero arrived. This one… really had quite the tragic fate. He and his party had been on the verge of defeating the Demon King, only for his closest comrade to betray him at the critical moment. Apparently, the Demon King had secretly promised to save that comrade's lover from what was considered an unbreakable curse. Unable to defend against his friend's treachery, the hero perished._

_I assumed he would be angry, and he was. But he was only angry at himself. He felt that if he hadn't been so blindly trusting, this tragedy could've been avoided._

_"I had a sword that could cut through anything, but all it took was a knife in the back to end me. I really am a failure of a hero, aren't I?"_

_I did my best to listen to his lamentations and comfort him, but it seems that this has left deep scars in his heart. He chose to reincarnate back in Japan, feeling that living in heaven with his current trauma would be no different than hell. It was a sensible choice, but even though reincarnation will wipe his memories clean, deep scars such as his might still resurface in his next life, making him more fragile. I tried to help lessen this by setting him to wait a while before reincarnating, to give his soul time to heal. I also secretly gave him a blessing of luck. It's certainly abnormal for a human to possess such high luck, but I figured that he deserved some compensation for his troubles._

_Hopefully, when he finally gets reborn, his next life will have a happier end._

* * *

"Fuahhh… that felt great."

I stretched as I woke up from my nap. The beds in this manor are really quite something. Back in heaven, I didn't pay much attention to material things like beds, thinking that "as long as it works, that's good enough." But now, the thought of going back to the unremarkable inn bed was filling me with disappointment.

Heh. Living as a human made me more materialistic, who'd have thought?

I glanced out the window. The sun was starting to fall; I estimated it was around 5 pm. That only gives me an hour to get to the castle.

… to be honest, I'm not too keen on going to a big dinner party. I guess I just have to suck it up, though.

I made my way to the entrance, but as I reached for the door handle, I suddenly remembered something.

… nah, there's no way he's still there, right?

I peeked out the window. A man was standing outside the gate. He was dressed as an adventurer, though he didn't seem to have a weapon.

Dammit, how am I supposed to get past this guy? I guess I'll have to go around back and circle around him…

… actually, maybe I'm thinking about this all wrong.

I strolled out to the gate nonchalantly, and the man immediately perked up as I approached. When I got closer, I noticed that he had what appeared to be a fancy sword hilt hanging on his belt.

"Messiah-sama! I am Terry, humble adventurer and servant of Eris! Please allow me to accompany you!"

Terry? I feel like I've heard that name somewhere before… well, whatever.

"So, Terry, is it? How did you know I was here?"

"I was asking around in town after you vanished, and this black-haired kid with a weird staff said he saw a silver-haired Thief heading towards this manor."

I must've gotten careless after I thought I was in the clear.

"Now then, please assign me a mission!"

"Alright Terry, what skills do you have?"

This is perfect, I can make some random mission up and get rid of him for a while.

"I specialize in cracking open tough things! There's no monster or obstacle too tough for me to break!"

I glanced at his arms. The muscles are in decent shape, but look overall unremarkable.

"Is your Strength really that high?"

"That's… well, since you're the Messiah-sama, I suppose I can tell you my secret."

This whole messiah thing might actually be more handy than I thought. He pulled the sword hilt off of his belt, then held it upwards in front of himself and pushed a button near the crossguard.

Immediately, a shining beam of light extended from the hilt, creating a blade about the length of a longsword.

"This magic sword can cut through anything, no matter how tough… Messiah-sama? Are you listening?"

"Gimme that sword."

"Eh?"

To think I'd find not one, but two divine relics in a single day. If I actually were a human, I'd probably think that Eris was favoring me.

"Um, did you say you wanted–"

"That sword, yes. Gimme. I need it for my secret mission."

"Eh… I mean, it's not that I don't want to give it to you, but–"

"Steal!"

"Messiah-sama!?"

I believe this relic was called the Saber of Light. It can indeed cut through most things, but it can also grant special powers when used by a rightful wielder… hm? It feels like there's some lingering emotion attached to it… anger? Or is it grief? I tried to remember the hero that owned this weapon. If I recall, he–

"Er, Messiah-sama, I said I would help you with your quest, but I kind of need that weapon, and also I found it fair and square while dungeon diving, so…"

… if I just take it from him like this, that just makes me a bully, doesn't it?

"Sorry, I just wanted to inspect it. Here, you can have it back."

"Thank you–"

"So how much do you want for it?"

"Excuse me?"

"I wanna buy it off you. How much?"

"Eh, sorry, but it's not for sale–"

"How does a million eris sound?"

"Deal."

He's an adventurer, after all. Even armed with that sword, he's in a dangerous profession. If I set him up for life, of course he'll take the offer.

"… I don't mean to sound rude, but you don't have that much money on you right this second, do you?"

"Of course not. Who carries around that much money? I'll get it to you when I can."

"Ah, of course."

Not sure how'll I get the money, but I'll figure it out.

"Well then, I'll be seeing you."

"Yeah… no, wait! You still haven't given me my mission!"

Crap, I was hoping he'd forget. I don't think he'd be much help in catching the castle intruder, so… wait, I've got it.

"In one of her divine revelations, Eris told me that her favorite flower is the chris. I want you to gather some to make an offering for her."

"It shall be done!"

He saluted smartly and then dashed off towards the forest. Chris, huh? Back when I was thinking of a pseudonym for this avatar, I settled on Chris after the name of that flower that had the same color as my eyes. It feels like it's been so long since then, hasn't it? I think it can't have been more than a month, yet it already seems like a lifetime ago that I first set foot here.

Wait, what am I standing around being sentimental for? I have another relic to find!

… and a dinner party to attend.

* * *

"Everyone, the Messiah-sama had arrived."

Wow, this is… just, wow.

The dining hall that Frederick's maid brought me to was huge, yet the massive table still managed to stretch the entire length. On top of the tablecloth were dozens of dishes of all sorts.

As I entered, a round of applause rose up from the other attendees. It turned out to be more crowded than I expected. Aside from the servants, there were at least a dozen other men and women seated at the table. All dressed in formal clothes, but quite a few of them had a bit of an unpolished look. If I had to guess, they're probably researchers like Frederick.

"Thank you very much for gracing us with your presence, Chris-sama. Please, join us."

Speaking of said host, he stood and gestured to a big seat at the end of the table as he invited me to sit. He himself was located next to that seat. It feels a bit wrong to take the seat of honor, but the castle lord said so himself, so I obliged.

As I sat down, I could feel all eyes on me. Geh, hopefully this won't take too long.

* * *

"… and then I figured out that I had actually put three sigils in the magic circle instead of four! Can you believe it?"

"Ah, that definitely would've thrown off your coefficient."

"Well, these things do happen."

This is. So. Damn. Boring. I've been stuck here for an hour now listening to these nerds drone on about magical R&D.

I munched on an apple while doing my best to block out the chatter. Why did I even come here? This isn't fun at all. Maybe I can just dip out and grab a beer or something…

No, wait, what am I thinking? I'm here for the relic, not to play around. All this stress lately must be messing with my head. I need to get out of here and clear my mind so I can focus on my work.

"Well, um, this has been fun everyone, but I should go now. Got to prepare to catch that burglar and everything. Hey, Freddy, could you take me to the vault?"

"Oh, yes, right this way."

Frederick excused himself, motioned for me to follow, and exited the room. As I moved to follow after him, I suddenly felt a mischievous urge and stopped. These guys need to liven up a bit. Too much lukewarm chatter will dull the soul. I looked over my shoulder and gave them a little conversation starter as a parting gift.

"By the way, Eris told me that she wants the researcher who made the biggest contribution to society to come to the church alone at noon tomorrow. She has a small blessing to give to them as thanks. Don't be late!"

And with that, I tossed my apple core into a nearby wastebin and left the stunned researchers to their own devices.

* * *

I followed Frederick down to the bottom level and towards the castle vault. It seemed rather plain, with nothing but a locked door.

"Detect Trap."

Immediately my skill filled my head with pings. At least a hundred different mechanisms were hidden within and around the door, and some more in the hallway, though those ones were disabled during working hours. About half of them were mechanical traps like pressure plates and temperature sensors, while the rest were invisible magic circles and items imbued with detection and trapping spells. And though it was hard to make out the details, I got the impression that many of them were interconnected, being triggered if their neighbor was tampered with. To top it off, every single one of them seems to activate an all-out lockdown.

I see now why Frederick was so proud of this security. Even if you could sense the traps like I did, there's simply no way to get through them without getting caught.

At least, not while bound by the normal limits of human beings.

"Are you impressed, Chris-sama?"

"If you sealed your valuables in solid concrete and sunk them in a lake, they probably wouldn't be this secure."

"Haha, I'm flattered to hear that."

"And so far, they seem to have kept your intruder out."

His face fell when I said those words.

"Yes, they have… but every time we check the traps and search the castle, we find no one. Even when posting a guard here, they simply see the mechanical traps appear to go off for no reason. Ah, I should've specified before, but it's only the mechanical traps that are activating. Both them and the magical traps have been checked a dozen times over, so I'm stumped as to why one type is being set off but the other isn't. We even have an anti-magic sensor that detects any suppression fields, but there's nothing of the sort. Anyway, if we can't apprehend this intruder, then they can simply try again and again. And even if there's only a 0.000001% chance they can get through, if they try enough times, they might just get lucky."

Blah blah blah, so many words. I don't dislike the guy but he really needs to learn to simplify or I'm going to strangle him.

… you know, it really does seem like I've been unusually irritable today. The stress must be worse than I thought.

"Well, don't worry, I'm here to take care of it. Just let me stay here overnight and I'll have the perp by morning."

"You have my eternal gratitude, Chris-sama. I'll station a guard around the corner, so just call to him if you need anything. I'll also be in my study as well. I don't think I'll be able to sleep tonight due to the anticipation anyway."

"Yeah, yeah, I'll holler if I need ya. Now get going, I need to conceal myself."

"Oh, yes, of course, I'll go now."

Once he was gone, I moved into a nook opposite the vault door.

"Lurk."

With my presence erased, I began my vigil. Back when Harris had first hinted about this, I worked to learn the Bind skill, but according to Frederick's report, the intruder seems to be able to escape traps despite setting them off. I'm pretty sure this divine relic doesn't have any function to allow that, so I can only assume he's using another item or skill on top of that.

This relic is a ring that grants the user invisibility. It's not ordinary invisibility, however; I forget the exact details, but it moves the wearer to a shadow plane of existence or something, so the only interaction they'd have with the normal world would be things they physically touch, allowing them to bypass magic defenses altogether. If a skilled Thief could ignore the magical traps here and only have to worry about the mechanical ones, they would actually have a not-insignificant chance of breaking in.

Luckily for Frederick, this perp appears to have about as much infiltration skill as a hydra, since he seems to set off traps without fail. I think the ring gave its designated owner other powers too, but I'm a bit fuzzy on them. I know the original owner passed away without any descendants, though, so I won't have to worry about that for now.

As for whatever the intruder's using to escape the traps, I'll use Steal and Skill Bind to block off their options once I locate them.

Now, I wait.

* * *

Pax's Interlude

I left the teleportation building and finally stepped back onto the streets of Accelia. It's been less than a day, but with the chewing out Dad gave me it felt like a lifetime. I should never have mentioned that I met a Duke of Hell. It took hours to convince him to let me return, and even then, he made me take this embarrassing good luck charm.

"Good to be back."

I think I've been getting better recently, but I still feel a bit awkward when I speak this country's language. I hope one day I can visit Dad's homeland so I can actually use the language he raised me with.

Speaking of which, when Maxwell activated that bloodstone thing, he spoke Dad's language, didn't he? I forgot to mention it to Dad, since I was too busy trying to get out of his lecture, but it was a lot like the chant Dad uses to activate his magic bow. I wonder if Chris knows anything about it.

… as soon as she crossed my thoughts, my heart fluttered a bit. She was so cool when she saved me during that battle, and then she beat that mastermind archdevil at his own game. And she even welcomed me into her party with open arms even though I can't talk well. She's like a saint… no, more like a dashing prince.

Where is she, anyway? I know she sleeps in the inn, but it's late afternoon right now, so she might not be there. Ah, maybe this person knows.

"… I just don't see how it can be a coincidence, for the names to be exactly the same…"

"Pardon, you seen silver-haired girl?"

I cringed internally as I realized how clumsily I phrased that. The black-haired boy I spoke to seemed a bit startled. Looks like he had been lost in thought.

"Eh? Silver-haired girl? You're the second person to ask me that today. Is this maybe supposed to be an important flag of some sort?"

He mumbled something strange at the end, then took out his staff and pointed it in a direction. It was a rather unusual staff: it was made of dark wood, and had a single snake carved into it, coiling up its length.

"I saw her heading off towards a large manor over there."

Ah, that would be Dustiness Manor, wouldn't it? So, she's with Sirius now… I know that their relationship isn't like that, but it still makes me nervous. I thanked the boy.

"Arigato."

"You're welcome… hey, wait. Wait a sec!"

"Huh? Something wrong?"

"You just spoke Japanese, didn't you!?"

Eh? Did I use Dad's language by accident?

"_So, you're the same as me? A reincarnated person from Japan? Wow, I didn't think I'd meet another person like me here. And you're even a gorgeous babe! Ah, I should introduce myself, shouldn't I? I'm Tamura Hideki! I like video games and ancient mythology, and my blood type is B!_"

He suddenly started speaking in that language. It was my first time meeting someone other than Dad that speaks it.

I'd have been more excited if he wasn't coming on to me so strongly. Well, I can't be picky. This is my chance to finally have a fluent conversation!

"_Um, I'm Pax. I'm not sure what a blood type is, and I don't know what you mean by 'Japan' or 'reincarnated.' This is just a language Dad taught me from his homeland._"

"_Eh? Your dad!? Wow, I've never even considered what would come after defeating the Demon King, but I suppose starting a family makes sense, doesn't it? Hey, wait, the Demon King is still alive, isn't he? Why hasn't your dad defeated him?_"

"_He doesn't like to talk about it._"

"_… oh, sorry, I didn't mean to pry. Ah, wait, I've been keeping you, haven't I? My bad, I just got too excited. I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable._"

"_Just a little bit._"

He scratched his head awkwardly.

"_Well, I won't keep you any longer, but hopefully we'll meet again!_"

"_Yes, it was nice talking to someone like this. See you later._"

I bid my farewell and turned towards Dustiness Manor.

"_Ah wait, before you go, can I ask a quick question?_"

"_Hm? Sure, what is it?_"

"_What is Eris the goddess of?_"

What kind of question is that?

"_What do you mean? Everyone knows that Eris-sama is the goddess of fortune._"

"_Really? Not the goddess of discord and strife?_"

"_What are you saying, that's blasphemy, you know? The Eris cultists would persecute you for slandering the goddess like that._"

"_Sorry, sorry, I was just a bit confused. You can go now._"

As I walked away, Hideki began mumbling to himself again. He's a bit odd, but he seems like a decent person, and it seems like he's from Dad's homeland. I'll have to talk to him again. Though, I wonder where he got such misinformation about Eris-sama from.


	12. The Burglar and the Knight (3)

_O Month X Day_

_Aqua-senpai came over to chat today. Well, actually it was mostly her complaining to me. Apparently, someone she wanted to reincarnate as a hero not only refused her, but called her a "false deity." Though not as common in Earth's current era, there are those who still adhere faithfully to their own religions. In a world where gods and goddesses no longer directly interfere with the lives of humans, these religions are built almost entirely on faith._

_It's not surprising that such devout people would be reluctant to accept someone appearing before them and proclaiming themselves a goddess different than the deity or deities they believed in._

_Especially if it's someone like Aqua-senpai. Really though, she was the one who wanted to work in a foreign world, so I wish she wouldn't complain so much._

* * *

"…"

I crouched in the nook, motionless, looking up and down the hallway without moving my head. Even though I know that Lurk will keep me from being seen, it never hurts to be extra cautious. For all I know, the intruder might have something that nullifies stealth skills.

Well, they probably don't. But it's good to practice good habits.

The castle is silent, save for the snores of the guard around the corner to the left, and the only light came from the dying torches on the walls. The intruder apparently comes in the dead of night, so they should be here soon.

I closed my eyes and focused on my hearing. That relic makes them invisible to both sight and magic, so neither my eyes nor my Enemy Detection skill will be much use before they trigger the traps. As long as I can grab them, though, I should still be able to use Steal and Skill Bind. The relic hides the user from magic and skills, but doesn't make them immune if they get hit, and at point blank I won't miss.

…_!_

I think I heard something. A footstep? I listened harder.

…_tap…_

Again. It's very faint, but I know it's there. It's hard to pinpoint the location, though. I can only tell it's coming from the right. I opened my eyes and focused on the vault door. I'll have to rely on the traps to reveal their exact position.

…_tap…tap…_

Just to confirm, I tried Enemy Detection, but sure enough, it turned up nothing.

…_tap…_

…_tap…_

…_click._

_RIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIING_

In an instant, a blaring alarm sounded, and a giant metal gate slammed shut over the vault door. In the distance I could hear the sound of the castle's main gate locking down. And around the corner, I heard the snoozing guard jump as the alarm woke him.

There was a flash of movement near the vault, and a small hole opened up in the wall, out of which a net was launched.

It flew towards a spot near the door…! It caught something! There's definitely the shape of a person under that net–? Suddenly, the net deflated, as if whatever was underneath had vanished. So, I was right, they did have something to escape traps. Judging by the intruder's apparent lack of skills suitable for infiltration, they're probably relying on another magic item. And they must still be nearby, because long-range teleportation can't be activated so quickly, even with an item.

I closed my eyes again and listened hard. The guard around the corner is out of sight, so the intruder should think there's no one around to hear them. They might try to rush their escape…

_TAP TAP TAP_

There! I leapt out of the nook and did a diving tackle towards the source of the pounding footsteps. I collided with something, and wrapped my arms around and grabbed it tightly.

_Squish_

… squish?

"EH!? P-PERVERT!? Y-You… I'll unseal the dark powers locked within my crimson eyes and rend your immortal soul for that!"

Immortal soul!? How did she… no, wait, that's just a figure of speech, right?

Forget about it, I need to stop her from escaping.

"Steal!"

"Eh!?"

My skill pulled something into my hand…

It was a small orb, with a red button on it labeled "ESCAPE."

"H-Hey! Don't take my escape orb! I need that since I can't cast Teleportation!"

While it's good that she can't escape now, she's still invisible since she still has that relic equipped. Just need to use Steal again–

"Tornado!"

One moment I was pinning her down, and then the next I was slammed against the wall by a gale-force wind. Such powerful magic… why is such a strong mage trying to sneak into a castle!?

I jumped back to my feet and looked around, but naturally I couldn't see the woman I had been grappling. Though, she would've been flung aside by that point-blank spell too, right?

Then, before she recovers and gets away… I inconspicuously tossed the escape orb to the side.

"Oops! I accidentally dropped that escape orb I just stole! Where could it have gone?"

As soon as I said that I realized how dumb it was. There's no way she'll actually fall for such a blatant ruse.

_TAP TAP TAP_

_*snatch*_

She actually fell for it. Frederick, you have my deepest sympathies. The security you're so proud of was being made light of by a complete idiot.

"Gotcha again!"

"STOP GRABBING ME THERE! Just cause I'm breaking the law doesn't give you the right to grope me!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I can't exactly SEE where I'm grabbing, you know! Steal! And before I forget, Skill Bind!"

This time, a circular piece of metal, warm with body heat, appeared in my hand, and a dark-haired woman with her magic sealed appeared in my arms. She looked at me with brilliant red eyes, brimming with tears.

"And now my precious ring! You… why'd you have to ruin everything!? I was so close to getting in this time, too!"

"Yeah, no, you weren't. Now come along. There's a certain castle lord who would like to have a word with you."

"As if! Go, escape orb!"

Ah, right. She picked that up before I grabbed her. When she pressed the button, she teleported about a meter to the side. I see, if it's super short-range teleportation, then it doesn't need precision, so it can be done without any startup. That's a pretty clever tool.

She took off to the left, right towards where the guard was stationed around the corner.

"Hey, buddy! Can you come over here for a sec?"

"Huh? What was that?"

The guard came around the corner when he heard my shout.

_WHAM_

Both he and the mage woman were sent sprawling from the collision. Neither of them looked like they'd be getting up anytime soon.

"Steal."

And the escape orb returned to my hand. Now I just need to grab her.

As I walked towards her, however, I hesitated. Something doesn't feel… right. This was way too easy. Where was the excitement? The struggle? The chaos? The painful, bittersweet resolution?

I'm not satisfied with ending it here. I need to draw this out more.

I slipped the ring onto my finger.

* * *

Pax's Interlude

After parting ways with Hideki, I realized I was starving. Since I knew where Chris was, I decided there was no need to rush, so I stopped by a restaurant to grab a meal. And then I realized I hadn't bathed since the hot springs. I was too busy trying to calm Dad down to take a bath at the house. So, I stopped by the bathhouse too.

By the time I reached the Dustiness Manor, it was already late at night. I raised my hand to knock on the door, but then it suddenly opened.

"Eh? Oh, Pax, you're back in town."

It was none other than the Berserker noble himself, Sirius.

"Yes. Good evening."

In our past quest I wrongly blamed him for an injury I received. Even though Maxwell was the culprit behind that mistake, I still felt guilty about being cold towards Sirius, so I feel a bit awkward whenever I talk to him. Thankfully, he doesn't seem to hold a grudge about that.

"Sorry, I was just heading out. Was there something you needed?"

"Yes. I heard Chris here?"

"Ah, sorry, you just missed him. He was here taking a nap earlier after being chased around all morning. Oh, right, apparently the head Eris church priest announced that he was a messiah or something. Unfortunately, it seems he doesn't really like all the attention."

Wait, Chris was napping here? And I missed it? Dammit, I wanted to see her tucked up in bed. If I had just gone straight here instead of taking detours…

"Where is Chris now?"

"He headed down to Lord Feldus's castle over on the hill. Apparently, he thinks he can solve a… problem, that they've been having. I'm not sure if they'll let you in at this hour, though."

"Thank you."

"No problem. I'd like to chat more, but I've got to get going."

"Where are you going? Something important happened?"

"Sort of. I've got an urgent matter in the capital to see to. I'll hopefully be back sometime tomorrow."

"Okay. Have safe trip!"

* * *

Pax's Interlude (cont.)

When I arrived at the castle, I was surprised to see that I wasn't the only one trying to get in late at night. Two other people were standing at the gate. One was an adventurer man with short brown hair who had a sword hilt on his belt and some flowers in his hands. He was arguing with the guard. The other was…

"Hideki?"

"Eh? Pax? What a coincidence… no, wait, you're probably here for the same reason as us, right?"

Ehhh…

"… both want to see Chris?"

"If you mean the silver-haired girl, then yeah. See, two different people asked me about her, and then I heard that she was apparently a messiah of the goddess Eris, whom I still have my suspicions about. If that's not a blatant flag, then I don't know what is. At this point I can't sleep until I get some answers."

Does he mean the thing about Eris-sama being a goddess of discord and strife? Not sure why he's still hung up on that, but Chris can probably clear things up for him.

"What about him?"

I gestured to the other man. Hideki just shrugged.

"No idea. Hey, er, Terry, right? Terry!"

He had to shout to interrupt the argument between Terry and the guard.

"What is it? I was just about to convince this guy to let us in!"

"No, you weren't. What reality are you living in?"

The guard gave an incredulous retort to Terry's claim.

"Never mind that. This girl, Pax, wants to know why you wanna see that silver-haired girl."

Terry turned to me and held out the flowers he was holding.

"I got these for her!"

"Back off."

"Eh? Hey, woah, why'd you draw your sword!?"

* * *

The woman recovered before the guard did, and staggered back to her feet.

"Damn, that smarts… eh? Where'd that perverted girl go?"

She looked around, but of course she couldn't see me.

"… is she letting me go? Did she just want to rob me and have her way with me, then throw me away?"

Hey, that's slander.

"Dammit, next time I see that bitch I'll give her a taste of my signature spell."

"… over here!"

Suddenly, the voices of the rest of the castle guards echoed from down the hall.

"Shit, I need to get out of here. Is my magic unsealed yet? Invisibility!"

She vanished from sight. Though, this time it's just light-bending magic, so I can still track her using Enemy Detection.

"Oh, thank goodness. Now, time to leave."

She fled opposite their direction. I followed behind.

"Spread out and find the intruder! Use your detection spells and skills!"

The pursuit was still closing in. The woman made her way over to one of the two stairwells leading up out of this floor.

"Dammit, it's blocked off."

Guards were obstructing the stairwell. The other one was back where the search group came from, so it was probably blocked off as well.

"… before, I'd just hide and wait out the lockdown, but without that ring I'll be caught. And if I fight my way out, innocent people might get hurt. Come on, think, think! How do I escape!?"

Surprisingly, this burglar seems to have a soft side. I pondered the situation as well. The way things are now, she won't even make it out of this floor. That's way too soon of a resolution.

Guess I'll have to give her a hand. I found a spot around a corner where the guards in the stairwell couldn't see me, and called out to them.

"Hey, you two! Get over here! The guys over in the other wing said they cornered the intruder and sent me to get backup!"

"Eh? They actually caught him? Is this real? Am I dreaming?"

"Dream later, numbnuts. Let's get going!"

They ran over to the other wing.

"Eh? Did they mistake someone else for me? Well, doesn't matter."

Naturally, the mage took the opening and scrambled up the stairwell. Meanwhile, I heard a commotion from down the hall.

"You idiots! What are you doing away from your post!? The intruder's going to escape!"

"What are you talking about? You guys are the ones that needed help to catch him even though you had him cornered. Don't tell me you let him slip away from you?"

"Bastard, the hell are you saying? Are you trying to pick a fight!?"

Ah, music to my ears.

Now, back to following the mage. This was the only basement floor, so the stairs took her up to the ground floor. It seems like her goal is the main entrance. If she got there undetected, then she could force her way through with magic before anyone can react. Though, I'd imagine it'd take very powerful magic to bust through.

Naturally, there were plenty of patrols here as well, so she made slow progress. She moved from room to room, waiting for the patrols to pass by before changing cover. The guards were mostly concentrated around the entrances and main halls, so she worked her way around the outer rooms, taking the route with the least risk. I had her pegged for an idiot, but thinking about it more, she _is_ a powerful mage, so she'd naturally have high Intelligence.

Though, I didn't want her to have too easy a time, of course. I played around with the guards like I did before, spreading contradictory intel to cause confusion and start arguments. And I occasionally had them pass close by where the mage was hiding. Eventually she even started praying to Eris for luck when they came near her.

I struggled to hold in my laughter at that.

At one point, her route took her through the dining hall. She eased the door open and stepped in as quietly as possible.

_Splat_

She stepped in something. She cursed under her breath and shook her foot, then continued onward. When I entered after her, I saw that she had stepped on a tomato. Looking around the room, there was food everywhere, all over the floor and walls. Seems like dinner got a bit heated after I left. I smiled to myself.

After exiting that room, she was only a short distance away from the entrance. Alright, I think it's about time to move to the endgame.

"Okay, I'm almost there. The entrance is right down this hall–"

"The intruder's almost at the gate! All hands to the gate!"

"Eh!? How!?"

My warning didn't actually reach the ears of any guards, but it had the desired effect. Panicking, the mage woman abandoned her stealth strategy and sprinted towards the entrance, which had locked down with iron bars when the alarms were first triggered. There were three guards stationed inside the entrance: two warrior-types, and one mage type. I targeted the mage-type.

"Skill Bind!"

"… eh? Hey, something just shut off my detection spell!"

Now then, show me how you're planning to break through.

"Tornado!"

"!?" x3

The guards were all flung aside. She continued on without breaking stride, then…

"Detonation Triple Shot!"

She fired off three shots of Detonation Magic in rapid succession.

_BOOM_ x3

Each shot unleashed a violent explosion where it hit. I had to shield my eyes from the shockwave.

By the time the dust cleared, I saw the sturdy gate in pieces, and the mage was running through it. Seems like she dropped her invisibility spell when she thought she was home free. Unfortunately for her, however, it turns out there were people outside as well. A single guard… and three others? Looks like… Pax, Terry, and some third person I haven't met.

This is getting exciting.

* * *

Pax's Interlude

_BOOM_

A rapid triplet of explosions rang out, and the solid gate barring our way was shattered into pieces. I released my grip on Terry, whom I had been whacking on the head with the hilt of my sword, and turned to face the figure running out from the rubble.

A woman, with red eyes and dark hair. Judging by her outfit, a mage-type. And judging by her destruction of the door and her panicked expression when she saw us, I probably shouldn't allow her to pass.

The others seemed to agree with me. The guard pointed his spear towards the approaching mage, while Hideki pulled out his staff and took a few steps back. Terry brought out his sword hilt and pressed a button, and a brilliant beam of light sprung forth, forming a blade of pure energy.

The mage woman's eyes opened wide upon seeing Terry's weapon. Is she afraid of it?

"… so cool. That sword is so cool! Hey, hey, what's it called!? How powerful is it!? Where'd you find it!?"

"Oh, this old thing? It's called the Saber of Light, and it can cut through just about any–"

"Terry, focus! She is enemy!"

"Sorry."

Terry, the guard, and I moved to surround the gate. Hideki seems to be a support type, as he stood a few paces behind me, his snake-adorned staff held at the ready.

"Heh. Do you four really think you can take me? You must not know who I am."

"Of course we don't. This is the first time we've met."

Terry answered straightaway.

"Eh, that was supposed to be a rhetorical statement… nevermind."

She flicked her robes in a dramatic manner, then struck a strange pose.

"My name is–"

"Say, if you're trying to escape from the law, is it really a good idea to just tell us your name?"

"Terry, shut up!" x3

What's the deal with this loudmouth!?

"… ah, you've got a point there. In that case, I'll start again."

She flicked her robe again.

"I'm the number one user of Detonation Magic and ace of the C.D. Assault Corps: Archmage-Whose-Name-I-Shall-Withhold-For-My-Own-Protection!"

We all gave her a blank stare. From the castle behind her, the sounds of approaching soldiers could be heard.

"… screw it. Crystal Prison!"

The entryway behind her was instantly sealed up by a wall of ice. And that magic she used earlier to destroy the gate was Detonation, wasn't it? Despite how she acts, she's quite a fearsome mage.

"Now then, let's finish this! Prepare for my ultimate technique!"

Crap, if I get hit by Detonation Magic, I won't be able to just walk that off. I slid my wand into my offhand and prepared a countermeasure.

"Here I go… Invisibility!"

… seriously? Is this all just a joke to her?

"Light of Revelation."

As I was thinking that, Hideki cast a strange spell, and the entire area was bathed in harsh sunlight despite it being midnight. The mage's invisibility vaporized like water on a hot road, revealing her to be a few feet from her previous position. As the light faded, she looked at us with a less than pleased expression.

"Are you kidding? Dammit, now I _really_ wish I had learned Teleportation."

"Stop right there, criminal scum!"

Terry charged at her, but stopped short when he realized he couldn't inflict any non-lethal blows with that magic blade of his.

"Oh, you're not approaching me? That's a shame, I'd have liked to get a closer look at that Light of Saber you have there."

"Saber of Light."

"That's what I said. Well, if you won't attack, then... Detonation!"

She sent a blast right near Terry's feet, forcing him to dive out of the way. And even then, he still took a serious hit from the explosion.

"Gah, I'm gonna be feeling that in the morning."

"Come on, is that the best you all can do? I know this is the town of beginners, but still, this is just too sad! Hahaha!"

I've had enough of this. I've had a long day of being lectured by Dad and not seeing Chris. And now this person is really getting on my nerves.

"Paralyze!"

"Counterspell!"

I ran up and attempted to subdue her, but she canceled out my spell with her own. As I approached melee range, I swung the hilt of my sword at her head, but–

"Detonation!"

She sent the blast right past me and set it off behind my head, close enough that the shockwave knocked me off balance, but far enough that she was barely affected. Coincidentally, the guard had also started to move in, but was unfortunate enough to get knocked away by that same blast.

"Hahaha! Do you see now the power of a true specialist? You should be grateful that I'm being merciful and–"

_Thump_

She suddenly cut off mid-sentence, then slumped to the ground.

"This girl's a lot of fun to watch, but I _did_ promise to capture her, so…"

Standing behind the unconscious braggart mage was a silver-haired girl, holding a knife whose pommel she had just slammed into her target's temple.

"Chris! Missed you… much?"

"Oh, hey Pax. Something wrong?"

For a second there, her eyes… no, maybe I was imagining it.

"Nothing wrong. What are you doing?"

"Ah, I was hired to catch this rascal here. I took her magic items, but she managed to slip away from me, so I was trying to catch up to her. It's a good thing you guys were here to slow her down, eh?"

Something definitely feels wrong. A mage shouldn't be able to escape from her. She has higher speed, plus the Lurk and Enemy Detection skills. And she appeared here with such impeccable timing…

"Hey, Messiah-sama, I got those chrises for you–"

"Good job, Terry, I'm proud of you. So, what's the deal with you? Why are you here?"

She brushed off her fawning follower and questioned Hideki.

"Ah, you must be Chris. I was hoping to ask you some things about the goddess Eris."

"Oh? What sort of things?"

"Like, for example… have you ever heard of the Trojan War?"

"Depends. Why do you ask?"

"… wait, do you actually know it? You're not just pulling my leg here, are you?"

"Who knows?"

She smiled mysteriously. Again, it felt off. She's not the type to tease people like that… no, wait, I guess she is. But normally she's more straightforward about it.

I walked up to her and got a close look at her face.

"Uh, seriously, is there something bothering you, Pax? Do I have something on my face, or…"

I saw it again; I was sure of it. A flash of green in her eyes.

"Are you really Chris?"


	13. Discordant Matrimony (1)

_O Month X Day_

_Aqua-senpai came over to complain again. This time, it was something quite bizarre._

_Apparently, one of her followers painted a portrait of her with twintails on a whim, and it was such a sensation that similar depictions started spreading all throughout the Axis Cult. It reached the point where it became more popular than the original image of her._

_As a result, the real Aqua-senpai's hair is now stuck in a twintail style, and the other goddesses are teasing her and calling her "Tsun-qua." It took all of my effort to not laugh at her._

_Though, while this incident was mostly harmless, it was a scary reminder of the power mortals have over us. Deities like Aqua-senpai and me are strange existences. If there's a strong enough belief about us, it can shape who we are. Well, usually it takes a lot of people sharing that belief for that to happen, but in certain circumstances, such as when another source of divine influence is present, even a single believer can cause an effect._

_There's a human saying that I heard once: "All power comes at a price." In the case of godhood, the price we pay is our identity. Many humans think it would be nice to be a god, but would they be able to go to sleep at night knowing that when they wake up the next day, they might not be the same person anymore?_

_… yet, despite all the imagery of me with a bountiful chest, it hasn't come true. There is probably some explanation, but I feel like it would only make me more depressed, so I'm not going to dwell on it._

* * *

"Are you really Chris?"

Pax just asked me something quite bizarre.

"What are you saying? Of course I'm Chris. Who else would I be? Either way, you're too close!"

I retorted and pushed her away a bit. It doesn't seem like my answer was convincing, though, since she was still looking at me with suspicion.

"You have acting odd just now. Not same as before."

She hasn't known me that long, so what makes her such an expert on my behavior? I took out my adventurer's card and presented it to her.

"Look, see here? C-H-R-I-S. And on top of that, I have the Mental Corruption Immunity skill now, so there's no way that I'm being mind controlled or anything. So you have nothing to worry about, okay? Oh, hey, is that a new necklace?"

"Don't change subject… what is that 'Instigate' skill?"

"Huh?"

I looked at my card again. Sure enough, there was a new skill there called "Instigate" that I didn't remember learning.

"… eh, probably just something I learned automatically by leveling up or something. It's not important."

Pax didn't seem satisfied with my explanation, but she backed off for now. Now then, let's finish this up so I can go and get some sleep already. I'm exhausted.

"Oi, Terry!"

"Y-Yes, Messiah-sama! Should I offer these flowers to Eris-sama now–"

"Forget about the stupid flowers already. I want you to use that flashy knife of yours to take down that ice wall."

The spell that our burglar cast earlier was still sealing the entrance of the castle shut. I could hear guards on the inside chipping away at it, but it'll take them all night at this rate.

"Oh… okay then."

He carefully put the chrises into his bag, then slowly trudged over to the ice. Don't act so depressed dude, it's not very manly.

Terry called forth the light blade, and with a few quick slashes reduced the wall of ice to rubble.

Hideki and Pax's eyes went wide. It was quite an impressive display, after all.

From the other side, several guards poured through, and after confirming that there was no danger, Frederick Feldus himself followed after. I waved him over.

"Hey there, Freddy! Got your burglar here!"

I pointed towards the unconscious woman slumped at my feet.

"You… actually caught him."

He took a closer look.

"Er, caught _her_. Say, could you tell me how she did it?"

"You mean how she got past your detection spells?"

_Instigate_

An idea struck me.

"She had inside help."

"Eh?"

"Yeah, someone on your team left a loophole in your system, letting her slip right through."

"I-Impossible… I'll have to investigate–"

"Objection!"

Suddenly, Pax stepped forward.

"Just now. That wasn't right."

I turned to her.

"What are you talking about? You weren't there."

"Just now. I saw. You had wicked expression on face when you said that."

Did I?

… well, it doesn't matter.

"Pax, that's hardly proof to say that I'm lying. Anyway, my job's done here, and I'm pooped, so I'll be going now–"

She grabbed my arm.

I simply stared at her.

"Do you mind? I'd like to go to bed now. Or are you going to keep making baseless accusations?"

"… nothing."

She relented and released me. I turned to the rest of them.

"Well, good night, all."

As I turned to leave, Hideki called out.

"Wait, you never answered my question!"

Come on already, I WANT TO GO TO BED.

"You mean that Trojan War or whatever? Who cares, that was millennia ago."

"Wait, so you _do_ know!? Hey, hold up!"

I used Lurk to evade him, then made my way back through town to my inn room. When I finally got there, I flopped onto the bed.

… it really isn't as nice as the one in Dustiness manor. But it'll do.

* * *

Pax's Interlude

"Wait, so you _do_ know!? Hey, hold up!"

Hideki tried to catch Chris, but she used her Lurk skill to escape.

There's definitely something off about her. I know I'm not imagining it.

I'll talk to Sirius when he gets back tomorrow. He's known her longer, so he definitely should've noticed as well.

"Dammit, now I really need to talk to her. Well, at least this means I'm on the right track, I suppose. Seems like it really is the same goddess…"

Hideki's talking about something weird again. Meanwhile, Terry is sitting on the ground, staring forlornly at the flowers from before. I felt a little bad for trying to crush them now. Thoughtlessly trampling on someone's enthusiasm like that… this just can't be the same Chris that became my friend.

As Lord Feldus returned to the castle with his guards and prisoner, Hideki seemed to notice Terry sulking, and went over to strike up a conversation to lighten the mood.

"Hey, um, Terry, right? That's a pretty incredible sword you have there."

"Yeah. It's the Saber of Light. It can cut through anything. A scholar I talked to said it's a relic that once belonged to a hero."

It was a weird feeling seeing him give that spiel with a monotone voice.

"A hero's relic? Wait, so it's like my staff then?"

Terry perked up at that.

"Eh? Did that staff belong to a hero too?"

"It does right now! I'm a hero that was granted this item by a goddess!"

"Eh!?" x2

Both Terry and my jaws dropped.

"I'm serious! This is a relic known as the Rod of Asclepius, a staff that possesses the ultimate authorities of healing and medicine. It actually belonged to a god once!"

"Ehhh!?"x2

I thought that staff looked unusually conspicuous. But…

"… can show proof?"

"Ah, of course you'd want to see it in action. Very well then, see that tree over there?"

He gestured to a small tree some distance away.

"Go ahead and destroy it, best you can."

"Eh, that tree property of castle–"

"Hiyah!"

While I was hesitating, Terry ran over and sliced through the trunk in a single stroke. Moments later, the tree toppled to the ground, after which Terry proceeded to chop it up into little pieces.

After that he turned to us, a big smile on his face. Seems like someone's gotten over their bad mood.

"How's that?"

"My turn. Stand back."

Well, if we get in trouble it's on him. He said to destroy it the best we can, and I can do better. I stepped forward, then pointed my wand at the pile of wood.

"Blaze Burst!"

I unleashed a short-range, high-temperature fire spell. It quickly engulfed the wood, burning bright blue from the sheer heat. Once the flames died down, there was only a pile of ash.

Hideki nodded, then pointed the staff at the ash.

"_ἀφυγιάζω_!"

Huh? So far, all the relics I've seen had keywords in Dad's language, or 'Japanese' as Hideki called it, but this was something else entirely.

A strange glow traveled up the snake carving on the staff, and once it reached the tip, a beam of light flew out, engulfing the grey particles. The wood appeared to somehow un-burn, as ash collected into larger pieces and they regained their color and shape. They then reassembled themselves into the tree's original shape, and then reconnected together, as if undoing every single cut Terry had made. In just mere moments, the tree was as healthy as it had been before.

"Amazing."

"Yes."

For the first time since I met him, I found myself agreeing with Terry. It didn't just heal the tree, it brought it back from oblivion.

"Well, though it can do that, if it's an organism with a soul, you still need a Resurrection spell or something to fully bring it back from the dead."

Either way, this kind of power… it defies mortal logic. There's no doubt in my mind now that this was a god's personal tool. A true divine relic, huh… wait. I stepped closer.

"What god it belonged to?"

"Huh? It's right in the name. Asclepius, god of medicine."

"Never heard of him." x2

"… ah, right, this is a different wor– er, country. Well… he was a god worshiped a long time ago by people in a faraway land… actually, now that I think about it, I'm not sure how that goddess I met even got ahold of this staff… or why she let me have it…"

Terry was absolutely entranced by the staff now.

"So, who was this goddess that gave it to you?"

"Ah, I think she said her name was Aqua–"

"Oh." x2

"… why do you both suddenly look disappointed? Another goddess you don't know?"

"Disappointed because do know her."

"… oh."

I know I should be impressed that he met a goddess, but… the fact that it was her just kills the mood.

I suddenly yawned. We were so busy talking that we forgot it was the middle of the night. My yawn immediately spread to the other two as well.

I suppose we can't just stand here talking about relics all night.

"… I think I will head home for night."

"Good idea." x2

We parted ways, and I headed to the inn I was staying at. I had trouble sleeping, though. A sense of anxiety and dread was keeping me awake.

* * *

_"Yo, is this the right place for the wedding?"_

_"You know it wasn't an accident that you weren't invited, Eris. Now get lost."_

_"… tch."_

_I didn't bother hiding my contempt as I turned and left._

_These stuck-up bastards. They think they have the right to exclude me just because I like to have a little fun now and then?_

_Maybe I should teach them a lesson._

_I snuck back and peeked into the party. I saw Hera, Athena, and Aphrodite chatting over in the corner. In my eyes, that combo's a disaster just waiting to happen._

_All it needs is a little push. A stroke of inspiration struck me. I took out the golden apple that I had prepared as a wedding gift, and wrote the words "To the fairest" on it._

_Yes, this'll work nicely._

_I smiled to myself. My gut is telling me that this is going to be quite a nice show._

_I aimed carefully, then tossed my little gift right into the middle of those three…_

* * *

I woke up, then stared at the inn ceiling for a bit.

I feel like I had a strange dream, which was weird because I don't usually dream. It was like I remembered a distant memory, yet it also felt oddly foreign, like it belonged to someone else.

As I got out of bed, I tried to remember what happened last night. My memory is fuzzy towards the end. I think I… had a fight with Pax? Why would I do that? And some guy was asking about some war…

I'll get some breakfast, maybe that'll help me wake up and remember.

I started on a meal of toast and toad bacon. The flavors cleared my drowsiness, but my memories were still foggy.

_Slam!_

"Hey Chris, you here!?"

The door to the inn was slammed open in a rush. I looked up at the sound of my name. It was Sirius, and he seemed rather frantic for some reason. He had bags under his eyes too, as if he hasn't slept in a while.

"Right here. You got an emergency or something?"

"I'm getting married!"

…

My fork clattered on the plate.

There were so many thoughts going through my head that my mind froze for a few seconds.

This guy?

This guy is getting married?

This is coming out of nowhere.

"… really? When? Who's the bride? And why haven't I heard you talk of her before?"

"Ah, well… it's a political marriage."

… political marriage. That's right, he's a noble.

"Her name's Phina Syl. She's from a smaller but wealthier house. My parents called me over to the capital last night to make the arrangements. The ceremony will take place a week from now."

A week? That's pretty soon.

"… uh, congratulations, I guess?"

"So, I've come to ask a favor. Chris, I want you to be my best man at the wedding. How about it?"

"…"

If I'm going to set him straight, I should really do so now, before he embarrasses himself in public because he didn't know his friend's gender.

And yet… I felt it again. That same mischievous urge I felt yesterday, right when my memories started going fuzzy. I feel like I shouldn't give in to it… but I really, really want to.

And why shouldn't I do what I want?

A smile crept onto my face.

"Sure. It just so happens that I love weddings."

* * *

Pax's Interlude

_Knock knock knock_

I was woken up by the sound of someone at the door of my room.

"In minute!"

After I did a quick stretch and threw on some clothes, I opened the door to see… Sirius? And he looks worn out.

"Here you are. Your inn's all the way on the other side of town from Chris's, you know."

"Back already? Still morning."

"Yeah, things wrapped up more easily than I expected. Anyway, I have something I need to ask you."

I realized that he seemed… anxious. Immediately I feared the worst.

"Did Chris do someth–"

"Do you want to come to my wedding next week?"

"Eh?"

I was speechless. This was definitely the last thing I expected to hear.

"Wedding?"

"Yeah, sorry for the short notice, but, uh, yeah. My marriage to a noble girl was just arranged."

Arranged marriage, huh. I guess that's the price nobles pay for their power: their personal freedom.

Well, I'm not going to turn down a chance to attend a noble wedding.

"I'll come– wait. Did invite Chris?"

There's something wrong with Chris right now, and I feel like if she comes, there'll be trouble.

"Hm? Yeah, I invited him before I came to you. He's going to be best man, so I sent him to my place to get fitted with a tuxedo. Oh yeah, if you need a dress, I can lend you one. We can probably get you something that goes well with that necklace."

… before, I thought I was just misunderstanding him due to my inexperience with the language, but… does he actually think Chris is a boy?

"Um, you know, Chris is–"

Wait a sec. He said Chris was getting a tuxedo.

Chris in a tux.

…

I want to see it. I suppose I can correct him later.

No, hold on, I'm getting off track.

"Sirius, don't you think… Chris acting weird?"

He looked puzzled.

"What do you mean? He seemed normal when I saw him just now."

"Like… causing trouble, or acting rude."

He pondered for a moment.

"When he visited yesterday, he was talking a bit more vulgar than he did before, but I assumed it was just his stress talking."

His expression turned serious.

"Why? Did you see something?"

"Last night, Feldus castle. Chris let enemy run around causing trouble when could've caught easily. And I got feeling… seemed malicious. Sirius, I think something very wrong with Chris, and that something bad going to happen."

Sirius appeared deep in thought. A small part of me felt happy that he trusted me enough to take my words seriously.

"… in that case, we should keep a close eye on Chris at the wedding."

Eh?

"You're not going leave behind?"

"Well, I can't exactly say, 'Nevermind, I don't want you as best man anymore,' can I?"

He has a point.

"Besides, if there is something wrong, it'd be better for us to keep him where we can see him, right? If we leave him alone to his own devices, who knows what'll happen?"

That… makes sense, actually. I don't know why I didn't consider that.

Just one thing.

"Not we. I will watch Chris. You focus on wedding."

Arranged or not, this is still an important event for him, so he shouldn't let himself be distracted.

"… I suppose you're right. Just let me know the moment Chris does something problematic, alright?"

"Got it. And you make sure wedding goes well."

We shook on it.

I'm going to find out what's up with Chris and protect this wedding.

And see her in a tux.

* * *

"How do you like that one, Sir Chris?"

"You're having way too much fun with this, old man."

"I have no idea what you could mean, Sir Chris. So, how does that one feel?"

"Fits perfectly. Say, do you have any green ties?"

I was in a dressing room at Dustiness manor, being fitted with a top-quality black tuxedo. Naturally, since Sirius thought I was a boy, he assigned Sebastian to help me with the fitting, rather than a maid.

Fortunately, while he is a bit of a dick, Sebastian at least isn't a lecher, so he kindly left the room while I put on each outfit. He's now looking over the latest one I tried on, checking that everything fit well.

"Why a green tie? I think a light blue would suit you better."

"Just thought it'd be nice to have something that matched my eyes."

He raised an eyebrow at that.

"… perhaps I'm missing a joke here, but your eyes aren't green, Sir Chris."

"Huh? Oh, uh, I guess you're right. Gimme the blue one then. And stop calling me Sir!"

"As you wish, Mister Chris."

"I'm going to strangle you."

After donning the tie, I took a look in the mirror.

A slick black coat over a white dress shirt, a matching pair of pants, and shiny black shoes. The light blue tie did indeed accent the rest of the ensemble well, just as the old butler said.

"… damn, I look good."

"I'm glad to see the messiah of Eris-sama is as humble as ever."

I'm never going to get the last word with this guy, am I? I ignored his sass and moved on to the next matter.

"So, what's our schedule look like?"

"We'll teleport to the capital tomorrow morning, then there'll be three days of downtime while the details of the ceremony are finalized. After that will be three days of preparing for the ceremony, after which will be the wedding itself."

"This all seems rather rushed for a wedding. Isn't there normally weeks or months of planning for this kind of thing?"

"These are difficult times. Things like these have to be rushed for the sake of necessity."

So, in other words, it's because of politics. I can only guess at what circumstances led to this.

Still, though. Three whole days to play around in the capital of the kingdom, and then another three to get my plans ready for the big evening. I couldn't help but smile.

My gut is telling me that this is going to be quite a nice show.

"Mister Chris, you're making quite a disturbing smile right now."

"Aw, shut it, asshole."


	14. Side Chapter: The Interrogation

**_In the dungeons of Feldus Castle, the morning after the capture_**

"Alright, let's start off with introductions. As you are probably aware, I am Frederick Feldus. Mind telling me your name, miss?"

"Shouldn't I be taken to the police station? Where's my trial? I demand my due process!"

The thin blond man interrogating me just smiled.

"Technically, this castle isn't within the jurisdiction of Accelia, or any other local government for that matter. And according to Belzerg national law, in the absence of other local governing bodies, castle lords are granted full judicial authority regarding matters occurring in said castle."

I pouted.

"That's dumb."

"Your opinion has been noted. Now then, your name?"

"Ai. Last name Mamoron."

He took out a pen and piece of parchment and began writing.

"Ai Mamoron, is that correct?"

"Yes, you certainly are one."

He paused, placed down his pen, and buried his face in his hands.

"... why are you making this difficult? You've already been captured. Being uncooperative is only going to make things worse for you."

What a silly question.

"C.D. Corps Code: Rule Number 8! As long as you're still alive, you can still pull off an epic and miraculous reversal, so never submit, even when the enemy says you've lost!"

"You are shackled with magic-suppressing manacles and locked in a dungeon beneath my castle. How could you possibly turn this situation around?"

I put my hand in front of my face dramatically.

"It's not a question of how. It's a question of when."

After a moment of silence, he suddenly pushed back his chair and stood up.

"... nope. Not worth it. I don't care anymore. You can just rot in here for the next few years. I'm going to go spend my time on more productive things."

Uh, wait. He's not actually going to leave me here, is he?

_Slam!_

The solid steel cell door slammed shut.

"... wait, hold on."

I heard his footsteps echoing down the hall.

"Waitwait, come back! I'll talk! Don't leave me here! Feldus-samaaaaaa!"

* * *

_*Sniffle*_

"... you act all tough, but you crack surprisingly easily, don't you?"

"Shut up..."

Feldus sighed, then pulled out a strange device and placed it on the table. It looked like a fancy bell.

"If it makes you feel any better, I wasn't actually going to leave you. I was just going to get this."

"What is it?"

"Just a little toy I've been developing that helps people be honest. Now then, let's try this again. Your name?"

"Nunya. Last name Business."

_Ding!_

The fancy bell suddenly rang. Ah, I get it.

"It's a lie detector."

Feldus smiled at me.

"You know, the more cooperative you are, the lighter your sentence will be."

I noticed the bell didn't ring when he said that.

I see now. He's using it both ways to get me to trust him.

"... fine. I'm Anyabara."

He looked at the bell, but this time it remained silent.

He turned back to me.

"Thank you, Anyabara. So, tell me: why did you infiltrate my castle?"

"Because the dark god sleeping within me urged me to–"

_Ding!_

"... because I wanted the title of 'World's Number One Infiltrator Mage.'"

"..."

Feldus stared intently at the bell, yet even after a minute, there was no reaction.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and sighed.

"... seriously? You thwarted my magical defenses and put me and my men on high alert night after night, just for _bragging rights_?"

"Well, when you put it that way, it sounds kind of bad..."

He sighed again, then shook his head.

"Did you even know what was in that vault?"

"Nope. Was it something cool?"

"There was nothing in it."

It took me a moment to process that.

"... nothing?"

"Well, at least right now. After _someone_ repeatedly trespassed without getting caught, I emptied it out and moved the contents elsewhere, and then just filled the inside with more traps."

... I kind of wish I didn't know that.

"Wait, so, why'd you go so far as to hire someone to catch me if there wasn't anything to protect!?"

"It was a matter of principle. This security system is my pride and joy, so I needed to know how you were beating it at all costs. I figured once you saw the empty vault, you wouldn't return, and my chance would've been lost."

So, he's someone who prides himself on being the best, just like me. My opinion of him improved a little.

"Now, next question. Can you tell me who your accomplice was?"

"My what?"

"The inside agent that put in the security loopholes for you."

"I was working alone. I can't exactly call myself 'World's Number One Infiltrator Mage' if I needed help to get in, you know?"

He glanced at the bell, then began muttering to himself.

"Chris-sama was wrong? No, wait, maybe this person didn't know they were getting help..."

"Why don't you just check all of your people with this bell thingy if you think there's a traitor?"

He scratched his head.

"Actually... I was planning to, but for some reason they all rushed out this morning. Something about getting a blessing at the church? They seemed kind of riled up too... well, let's put that aside for now."

He leaned forward for this, and actually smiled a little.

"Time for the big question: how did you do it?"

Should I tell him? I could choose to remain silent... but I don't have my items anymore, so I guess there's no point in hiding it.

"I used magic items. I had a ring that could hide me from reality, and a simple tool my friend crafted that can teleport me a short distance, which I used to escape the traps."

He sat back and put on a thoughtful expression.

"... the tool aside, that ring sounds like a powerful artifact. Say, where are those items now?"

"Gone."

"Eh? Gone, you say?"

"That pervert you hired to catch me took them."

"Chris-sama? She made no mention of those items..."

"Pft. Sounds like you put too much trust in her."

"... perhaps you are correct."

I was just making an offhand jab, but Feldus seemed to seriously consider it.

"I'll have to talk to Sirius when I can. Hopefully he isn't too busy at the moment."

He stood up, and picked up the bell as well.

"Well, I think we're done here for now, Anyabara. Since you were cooperative, and apparently had no ulterior motives in invading my castle, I might let you off with a lighter sentence."

"So, you're going to let me go?"

"No. I said lighter sentence, not no sentence. You still invaded my castle, you know. I'll decide on the exact terms soon."

"Tch."

As he left, I noticed the parchment from before was still on the table.

"Uh, hey, you forgot this!"

"Keep it. I was just using it as a prop. Wanted to get that real 'interrogator' feel, you know?"

"I totally get it."

Oho. Someone else who understands the importance of appearances. He'd make a great Crimson Demon.


	15. Discordant Matrimony (2)

_Author's note: Just an fyi, while the previous chapter_ is _labeled "Side Chapter," it's still plot-relevant, so don't skip it. Don't worry, it's not too long.  
_

* * *

_O Month X Day_

_Another day, another visit from Aqua-senpai. Earlier today, she was at some sort of auction in Earth's heaven, and afterwards she came to me to show off her haul. Does she not have anyone else to talk to?_

_It seems like most of the auction items were old things being pawned off by gods and goddesses from Earth. Among the things Aqua-senpai won were:_

– _An old lion skin_

– _A half-woven burial shroud_

– _A pair of iron gauntlets that looked to have been used to punch many things_

– _A staff with a snake carved into it_

– _A conch shell_

_I asked her if she even knew what any of them did, and she replied, "No idea, but they all looked very valuable, so I'm sure I can resell them for a higher price!"_

_Personally, I'm a bit uneasy about bringing in divine items from another world. Divine power is a very fickle thing, so unexpected reactions might occur._

_In fact, just looking at some of those items made me feel a bit strange, but it went away when Aqua-senpai left._

_On a related note, she asked me if she could borrow some money. Apparently, she still hasn't paid off her bids from the auction, and is having trouble finding buyers to resell those things to._

* * *

…

_Staaaaare_

…

"… say, Pax? You mind giving me some personal space?"

"No."

What's with this girl?

We met up with Sirius and Sebastian at the Dustiness manor early this morning, and are now making our way to the teleportation station.

And this whole time, the Spellsword has been watching me closely without pause.

I guess she's still suspicious of me. I'm going to have to give her the slip when we reach the capital…

"Um, excuse me? Messiah-sama?"

A young woman in a priest habit interrupted my thoughts. Come to think of it, they weren't hounding me today. Or yesterday, for that matter.

"What's up?"

"Er, well… the head priest would like to apologize to you. When she heard about the mob of people chasing you and realized we made you uncomfortable, she scolded the entire church and hit them on the head."

"Wait, she hit _everyone_ on the head?"

"Yes…"

She rubbed the back of her skull and winced.

Sirius gave a wry laugh.

"I've only met her a few times, but that sounds about right. She doesn't take kindly to troublemaking."

Seems like this Eris's following is led by quite a formidable woman. Probably the type that'd see right through me if we met now.

All for the better that we're getting out of town.

"Well, tell her I said thanks. I'll be sure to stop by for a visit once I return."

"Thank you. Have a safe trip, and good luck on your mission!"

Mission, eh? If I recall, it was to collect divine relics… hm, if the rest are anywhere near as good as this ring, then I'd be glad to get my hands on them.

In fact, I'm betting there's some good ones locked up in noble and royal vaults in the capital. This trip is getting more and more exciting.

_Staaaaare _

… this girl doesn't have a mind-reading skill, does she?

* * *

"Ladies and Sebastian, I present to you: the capital of Belzerg!"

"Wow."

"Big."

There were huge buildings everywhere. Multi-story shops and restaurants, and farther away I could see towering mansions. Peaking above even the tallest of those was the royal palace in the distance.

It was a whole order of magnitude greater than the city of Troy. Well, compared to that place, this world is stronger in both science and magic, so it isn't surprising.

Sirius handed Pax a piece of parchment with an address written on it.

"Here's the mansion where we'll be staying. You two pretty much have free reign for the next three days; just don't get into trouble, alright?"

"Yo, buddy, can I get that address too?"

Sirius made a show of patting his pockets, then put on a face of surprise.

"Whoops, seems like I forgot to make two. And unfortunately, I'm not carrying parchment at the moment. Guess you'll just have to stick with Pax for today."

What terrible acting. So, he's suspecting me too, is he? I guess I haven't been as subtle as I thought.

"I'll be heading to the mansion now. We're having dinner with some important people, so be back by 6."

Sirius gave a wave, then he and Sebastian left.

Pax watched them go, then turned to me.

"Now then–"

"Lurk."

Too easy. Now, let's start looking for something fun–

"Gotcha."

"Wha–"

"Cast Track on you earlier. Can't hide from me."

I didn't even notice her cast that spell. This girl is kind of scary when she wants to be.

"Now, stay close. Otherwise, will find and punish you."

"Sure, sure. Just let me go already."

Pax hesitated a bit, but relented and released my arm.

"Ok, so where should go? Thinking clothing store– eh?"

The moment she turned her back, I slipped on the ring relic.

"Eh? Can't sense her! How!?"

Sorry, Pax, but I've got some discord to cause.

Now then, where should I start?

* * *

"Hey, two carbonaras for table four!"

"Roger that!"

"This steak is undercooked! Fix it at once!"

"Yes, sir!"

"I said _two_ fish for table seven, not _blue_ fish! Are you deaf!?"

"Yeah, from all your shouting!"

"… excuse me, was that _sass_ I just heard!?"

Even without my help, the kitchen of a high-end restaurant is already a den of chaos.

Though, noise aside, the smell was bewitching. I couldn't stop my mouth from watering. For a moment, I seriously considered abandoning my plan and just stealing some food.

But that would be beneath me. The only problems I want to cause are the ones that nobody would think to blame on me.

And, of course, it's the most fun when I can set things off with just the tiniest nudges.

I observed the kitchen scene carefully. I noticed that none of the people here looked at each other when talking. After all, it'd be bad if they took their eyes off their cooking.

I moved behind a kitchen hand working on a pot of soup, and did my best impression of the gruff head chef.

"Hey, you! The steaks we're using right now have gone bad, so run over to the grills and throw away all the ones they're cooking! I'll handle the soup!"

"Right away, sir!"

In this frantic environment, there's no time to second-guess orders. The kitchen hand immediately stopped what he was doing and went over to the grills, not once looking my way. Not that he'd see me, of course.

As for this soup… ah, look what I've found. Tokoroten slime. Lemme just mix a big glob of it in there…

* * *

Pax's Interlude

"Dammit, where Chris go…"

I thought my Track spell would've been enough, but Chris somehow vanished off my radar in an instant. She's fast, so there's no telling where she could've gone.

It's been over half an hour, so I'm a bit worried what she could've gotten up to in this time.

… say, that restaurant seems a bit too noisy…

I walked through the entrance, then immediately had to duck as a plate flew straight at my head.

_Crash_

It was absolute chaos. The customers of this high-end restaurant were brawling as if they were in a tavern, and over towards the kitchen the staff were jumping at each other's throats. Pots and cutlery flying through the air made it seem like a battlefield.

What the hell…

"Hey, this is the police! Everyone cease this at once!"

A police officer shouldered his way past me. The whole room seemed to freeze. Oh good, seems like it's over.

"… you've got a lot of nerve coming in here, officer! Especially after what you did to the head chef's daughter!"

"… I'm sorry, what?"

"Get him!"

I barely managed to get out of the way as a pair of customers jumped the officer. Immediately the fighting resumed.

This is absurd. How did things even get this bad so quickly? It defies logic.

I need to hurry up and find Chris before she does something else–

"Hey, miss! Go to the police station and get backup! Please– ow, get off! I didn't do anything!"

… Dad always told me to never ignore someone in need.

With a sigh, I turned towards the station and began running.

I thought I heard a laugh behind me, but when I looked back there was nothing.

* * *

Sirius's Interlude

"They're going to be late."

I told them to be back by 6. It was already 5:55.

I looked up and down the street again… wait, I think I see someone.

It's… Pax? She's alone… and she looks like hell.

"Jeez, have a rough day there?"

She looked at me with tired eyes, but didn't say anything.

"… sooo, where's Chris?"

"Right here!"

Pax jumped and turned around as Chris spoke up from behind her. Weird, I could've sworn he wasn't there a moment ago.

Compared to Pax, Chris looked positively blissful, as if he'd spent the day at a hot spring.

"And what have you been up to?"

"Ah, you know, I was just sampling the fine cuisine this city has to offer."

Pax glared daggers at Chris when he said that, but he either didn't notice or didn't care.

"So, dinner, right? Do we need to change into something nice?"

"Yeah, go talk to Sebastian and get changed. You'll be a bit late but it's not a big deal."

"Alright, see you at the table!"

As he practically skipped towards the mansion, I turned back to Pax.

"Well?"

"Slipped away. Next thing I know, restaurant became warzone."

I heard about a commotion downtown, but it must've been worse than I thought.

"Any idea why Chris did that?"

She looked at me.

"Nothing to gain. Nothing stolen. Just people fighting."

I pondered her report. This doesn't make sense.

"It's like all Chris wants is to cause discord and strife…"

Pax suddenly perked up at my words.

"Discord and strife…"

"What's up? You remember something?"

"… send someone to Accelia. Find adventurer Tamura Hideki. Think he knows something."

"I'm not sure what this Hideki guy has to do with anything, but I'll trust you. We'll have to find a better strategy tomorrow, but for now go and enjoy the dinner. Chris should already be changed by now."

For some reason, that last part seemed to light a fire in her eyes.

"I'll go right away."

* * *

I took another sip of wine. It was sweet, yet also crisp, and had a nice aftertaste that I couldn't quite describe. I bet even ol' Dionysus would've been impressed.

The other guests seemed to share my sentiment.

"This is quite the fine wine, Sirius-sama. Where did you say you got it, again?"

"A refugee from Noise that arrived in Accelia brought it with him, and gifted it as thanks for giving him a new home."

I finished my glass, then looked around the table.

The people dining with us were various nobles, seeking to greet Sirius and congratulate him on his wedding. I was seated next to the guest of honor, and on my other side…

_Staaaaare_

… was a black-haired girl with a simple white dress and a necklace observing me intently.

Though, I get the feeling her intentions for looking at me now are different than they were this morning.

I was currently wearing the black tuxedo Sebastian had helped fit me with.

Sirius, meanwhile, was wearing the most expensive looking white tux I've ever seen. It featured the highest-quality fabric, but wasn't too opulent in its design.

It suited him.

I beckoned Sebastian over and had him fill my glass again.

The food here was pretty good, but I was starting to get bored of this formal dinner.

"So, Sirius-sama, these two are your adventuring companions?"

Ah, they're talking about us now.

"Yes. This is Chris and Pax. The three of us worked together to fight off a duke of hell until he retreated."

A collection of "Oohs" and "Wows" rose up. It might seem like he was just bragging… well, he _was_ just bragging, but he had a reason.

He needed to reinforce that we were companions with bonds forged through hardship, and draw away attention from the fact we've only been acquainted for a relatively short time, or else the others might start questioning our justification for being invited.

All this political stuff is a bore. The only politics I care about are treaties. Or, more specifically, tricking people into violating them.

"Well, it's been nice, but I think I shall retire for the evening, Sirius."

"Of course. Good night, Chris."

"Say, Sirius-sama, is it true that the Elroad ambassador will be attending?"

As I left the room, however, a certain conversation caught my ear.

A foreign ambassador?

Now _that_ sounds like a good time.

* * *

"You can't be serious."

"Am serious."

The next morning, I stood outside the mansion, ready for another fun day of causing havoc.

Or, that was the plan, until Pax appeared and handcuffed our wrists together.

"You can't prove that I had anything to do with that restaurant, you know."

"Not prosecutor. Don't need proof. Now, come. We go to clothing store."

She's really set on that, huh?

"Okay, whatever you say…"

She started off towards the store, dragging me along behind. She's probably thinking that I won't be able to escape without getting caught in the process, eh?

I reached into my pocket and pulled out a small orb with a red button on it.

The "escape orb" I nabbed off that burglar mage… come to think of it, I never got her name, did I?

I gave the button a press, then slipped the ring on again after teleporting a meter away.

"First, I dress you up in… how!?"

Her reaction upon noticing my absence was adorable.

Now, time to stir up some more shit!

* * *

Sirius's Interlude

I let out a big sigh as I read over the report.

Having this marriage forced on me so suddenly was stressful enough, and now Chris of all people has apparently become the incarnation of trouble itself.

According to this report, nearly a hundred street vendors split into two factions and had an all-out territorial war in the capital's main street.

Of course, the report made no mention of a silver-haired instigator, but Pax claimed to have seen him in the act, though he got away before he could be caught.

When he came back tonight, he was on cloud nine, but refused to divulge exactly what he had been up to.

Something needs to be done, but if word gets out that the young noble Sirius's best man and adventuring comrade got put away in jail, it would be a terrible scandal.

On the other hand, if Chris isn't fixed by the wedding, where Elroad ambassadors will be present, I'm risking an international incident.

I need to get to the bottom of this erratic behavior ASAP.

_Knock knock_

"Come in."

Pax entered the study, along with a young man with the same black hair as her.

"I take it that you're Tamura Hideki?"

"Yes, Sirius-sama."

I waved dismissively.

"Don't bother with formalities, we're in a crisis right now."

"Okay.., Sirius-san."

I placed my elbows on my desk and leaned forward.

"So, Hideki. Tell me about this, 'goddess of discord' that you seem so familiar with."

* * *

Pax's Interlude

The next morning, Chris was nowhere to be seen. She must've up and left before the rest of us woke.

"Pax, after today I'll be too busy with preparations to deal with Chris, so I'm counting on you to find him and capture him. You'll have access to all of the resources of my house, including guards and money, so use whatever you need. Well, within a reasonable extent."

"Count on me."

These aren't simple pranks. Chris's actions have already costed the residents of this city hundreds of thousands in property damage and medical fees. And it feels like she's only growing more ambitious with each incident.

The Chris I knew is missing. I need to bring this Chris to justice, and find out where my friend went.

… well, bad as this Chris might be, she still rocked that tuxedo.

Which reminded me.

"Sirius, one thing."

"Yeah?"

I called out to Sirius as he turned to leave. Now that I've gotten my eye candy, there's no reason for me to let him stay mistaken any longer.

"Chris is girl."

"… come again?"

* * *

Pax's Interlude

I left the dumbstruck young lord behind and made my way to the city's central plaza with some guards.

If it's trouble she's looking to cause, this crowded place seems like it'd be a good target…

There! I saw a movement on a nearby rooftop as a shape ducked away from the edge.

"This way!"

I sprinted over to the building where I saw it, then noticed more movement on the rooftops along a nearby side street.

"Chris!"

I called out to the shape, but it didn't slow down. In fact, it was speeding up.

The guards with me started falling behind. I couldn't wait for them, though. I needed to go faster.

"Accelerate!"

I cast a speed buff on myself. After some time, I followed it around a corner, and nearly ran straight into someone standing in the middle of the shadowy alley.

"… Chris?"

As my eyes adjusted to the dim light, it became apparent that it wasn't who I thought it was.

The face was exactly like that of my friend's.

But instead of silver, the person had a head of golden hair, and her eyes were a dark green.

She looked at me and smiled.

"Hey there, Pax. I'm a bit busy, but since you came all the way out here, I'd be happy to have a quick chat."

The voice was the same as Chris's too, yet for some reason it sent shivers down my spine.

"Who are you?"

Her smile grew wider.

"That's right, I haven't properly introduced myself yet, have I? I'm Eris, goddess of discord, strife, disharmony, and making people hate each other's guts. Pleasure to make your acquaintance."

She gave a flamboyant bow as she named herself.

This must be that other Eris that Hideki mentioned. A foreign goddess.

Normally, someone claiming to be a goddess would be immediately dismissed as either a charlatan or an idiot, but the ominous pressure this girl was giving out erased any doubt in my mind.

Unable to think of a response, I just stood there dumbly.

The girl calling herself Eris tilted her head and put her finger on her cheek, making a cutesy pose that didn't fit at all with the mood.

"Oh, wait, that name's already taken in this world, isn't it? Then, to avoid confusion, I guess you can call me by the name the Romans gave me: Discordia."

She took out a ring, then slipped it on her finger. Immediately, she vanished from view.

"I'd talk more, but my itinerary's already full. See you around! Oh, and I'm really looking forward to that wedding!"

The disembodied voice echoed around the empty alley, eventually fading away into eerie silence.

This is… really bad.

I touched my necklace… the good luck charm Dad gave me.

Chris… no, Discordia. I'll bring you down, no matter what.

… though I _really_ don't want to have to use this necklace.


	16. A Tale of Two Goddesses (1)

**Author's note:** Hey, sorry for the lack of updates recently. I'll also be busy for the next week or so, but after that I hope to upload a bit more regularly, both for this story and my other one.

One quick note: To more clearly distinguish it, whenever characters are speaking in Japanese from now on, it'll be shown using「these single brackets」. There'll also be another type of brackets, 『these double brackets』. These mean something different, which should become clear once you read this chapter.

And finally, a huge thanks to **uranophane** for a fantastic art of this arc's main antagonist, Greek Eris/Discordia! You can see it as the current cover art, and as a full-res on his pixiv.

Now, time for the chapter!

* * *

_Entry #X,XXX,XXX_

_So. Bored._

_There's nothing to do here. At first, I was excited to finally wake up after so many years and find a worldwide community of nations ripe for war, but then I find out those humans had built literal world-ending weapons._

_Like, what the hell are you guys thinking!? Why would you even make something like that!? There's no point in conflict if the only result is total extinction!_

_Because of that, I haven't been able to do anything fun. At first, I tried to entertain myself by watching those two superpower nations try to play 4-D chess with each other, but even that grew old._

_And the worst part is that I had just missed the two greatest wars in this planet's history! I woke up just years after the second one, and because of the aforementioned extinction bombs, conflicts of that scale likely won't happen again. Such shitty luck… did Harmonia slip me that necklace of hers or something?_

_By the way, the reason I woke up after over a thousand years is cause some modern humans made a new cult worshiping me. Or, at least, that was what I thought, but on closer look I can't really tell if they're seriously worshiping me or if it's all some sort of satiric act. Probably a bit of both. Well, either way, it was enough to revive me, so I shouldn't complain._

_Honestly, I'm tired of this world. The strongest human factions are at an impasse and magic here is all but gone now. And most of the deities I used to know aren't around anymore._

_I just wish there was a way out of here._

* * *

Pax threw open the door and walked into the study. Sirius was seated at the desk, his head in his hands, muttering about something, and Hideki was standing uneasily nearby, not really sure what to do.

The Japanese hero turned around at Pax's entrance, but Sirius didn't react at all.

"… then, that means… at the hot spring… can I even be a groom now…"

Pax slammed her hands on the desk, causing the young noble to jump.

"Got news."

"O-Oh, you're back. Did you find… her?"

Pax shifted uneasily.

"… sort of."

"… so, you couldn't catch her?"

_Crunch_

Pax glanced around the room suddenly, then shook her head.

Sirius sighed.

"Well h-…she is a Thief with a divine relic, so don't blame yourself."

Hideki stepped forward.

"So, were we right? Was the messiah of this world's Eris being corrupted by the Greek Eris?"

"… sort of."

He tilted his head.

"What do you mean, 'sort of?'"

"… Chris taken over by discord goddess herself."

Hideki's jaw dropped.

"… come again?"

_Crunch_

Pax looked around the room again.

"Anyone else hear that?"

"Hey hey, don't change the subject! You said Chris was possessed by the Greek Eris? The goddess of discord herself is _here_!? How are we supposed to stop a _goddess_!?"

Sirius seemed troubled as well.

"Surely our Eris-sama won't let that vagrant goddess do as she wants… right?"

What they've said so far isn't wrong, per say, but it isn't completely correct, either.

_Crunch_

Pax slammed the desk again.

"Okay, definitely heard something! That crunching noise!"

All three of them starting looking around the room now, but they didn't see anything else in the study.

Well, of course they wouldn't. I'm using both the ring and my Lurk skill, so even standing right next to them I'm undetectable.

The crunching sound is from the apple I'm eating. Apples in this world taste even better than those from Earth. On the other hand, they also tend to try and fly out of your hand, so it's a trade-off.

I told Pax earlier that I had a full itinerary, but that was a lie.

I don't even have any plans yet.

It's too early for that, after all. The more complex and drawn-out a plan is, the more fragile it becomes, so I like to keep it simple. Find the point of weakness, and give a small nudge; that's all it really takes.

And so I'm currently listening in on their strategy meeting. I guess I should put the apple away for now. It was fun to tease them, but it would be bothersome if they actually suspected I was here.

『No, keep eating. It would be great if they found you.』

And then there's her.

The young "goddess of fortune" brat who shares my name, and whose vessel I hijacked.

For some unknown reason, a link was created between us recently, and since she was distracted, I was able to slip in and slowly take over.

I've managed to lock her away in my subconscious for the time being, keeping her from using her divine powers on me… but unfortunately, I haven't been able to get her to shut up.

『Tough luck. If you don't like listening to me then get out of my body』

No way. This is the first fun I've had in millennia.

『When I get out of here, I'll put you away for another ten thousand years you jerk.』

Sure you will.

After determining that the crunching noise had stopped, they returned to their conversation.

Pax sighed.

"If Eris wanted stop this, would have already done something. She must not paying attention."

Well, it'd be more accurate to say she's indisposed at the moment.

『Oh screw you.』

Hideki held his head in his hands.

"T-That's it then, we're screwed. When humans fight gods, the humans always lose! Dammit, I should've just gone to heaven! Why did I come to this forsaken place!? Why do I have the worst luck–"

_Slap_

「Stop crying. You said you were a hero from Japan, so why don't you act like one? I don't know about you, but I'm not going to roll over and let this Chris-stealing bitch have her way.」

「B-But–」

「No buts. My father always told me that the people of his homeland were proud and courageous. Are you going to tell me he was lying?」

Pax's scolding seemed to calm his nerves a bit.

Ah, I just love that look of determination in her eyes. You have reliable friends, brat.

『Yeah, and they're gonna catch you, just you wait.』

Well, I don't know about that, but I can at least tell I won't be bored.

「… sorry, you're right. Crying never solved anything.」

"Hm? What language are you two speaking?"

"Ah, sorry, Sirius-san. That was the language of my homeland."

When I came here, I taught myself the languages of this world, but Japanese is an Earth language, and one I've never had reason to learn before. Fortunately for me, though, I could understand it since the brat goddess learned it from the manga and games she borrowed from her senpai.

『Stop using me as a translator.』

Hey, it's not like I have a choice. We can't hide our thoughts from each other in this state.

『Good point. Guess the only solution is for you to get out, huh?』

Sheesh. All I did was possess her and imprison her in her own body, I don't understand why she's so touchy.

"Now let me finish report. Called herself Discordia. Hair changed gold, and eyes changed green. Had very dangerous aura."

"Discordia? She's using her Roman name? That's odd…"

Because a certain _someone_ threatened to scream non-stop in my head if I tried to call myself Eris, even though I've technically had the name longer.

『_(Whistling nonchalantly)_』

Sirius let out a sigh of relief.

"Well, that actually makes things easier. Since she looks different, we can put out a capture bounty for her without tarnishing Chris's reputation. And the fact that she's not calling herself Eris will help us avoid misunderstandings."

Hideki seemed confused.

"Capture bounty? Would anyone even be able to capture her?"

Sirius smiled.

"It doesn't matter. Even if she can't be caught, making her a wanted person will restrict her movements and help us keep tabs on her activity."

Oh, clever. I mean, I can stay invisible indefinitely, but not being able to interact with people will cut down on my options.

"Of course, that's just to slow her down. We still need to find a way to stop her completely. If we could somehow break Discordia's hold over Chris…"

"Could ask Eris Church. Probably know more about gods."

"Good idea, Pax. You and Hideki go meet with them. I'll submit the bounty to the local Adventurer's Guild and the town guard. We'll stop this troublemaker and save our friend."

"Yes!"

"Well, I'm more of an acquaintance, really, but I'll do my best anyway!"

With that, Pax and Hideki took their leave.

… I guess I have to follow, huh? I'd rather avoid the church, but I need to keep my advantage in terms of intel.

『Come to think of it, I haven't visited the Eris church in the capital yet. It'd be nice to see how they're doing.』

No one asked you.

With a small sigh, I turned to go after the pair of black-haired adventurers.

* * *

The Eris Church was located near the center of the city, as befitting of the kingdom's official religion. I followed Pax and Hideki through the busy streets, and after some time we arrived at a bustling scene.

I never had any temples of own back in Greece, but I remember seeing other gods' temples, and the scene before me was a stark contrast to those solemn places. Worshipers were cheerfully chatting with each other and with the priests as they went inside for a sermon, and out front there was one brown-haired priestess collecting donations for charity near the entrance. More than just a place of worship, it felt like a gathering place for a community.

While looking at this harmonious scene, my destructive urges well up. Maybe I should throw some rocks at the windows and blame it on Pax and Hideki.

『Don't. You. Dare.』

Oh, come on, it's just a little property damage. Compared to some of my other pranks it's practically harmless–

_Crash_

Ah, looks like someone beat me to the punch.

『…why…』

"Haha! Aqua rules, Eris drools!"

A young brown-haired boy dressed in blue robes was standing a few meters behind us, taunting the Eris worshippers. He looked like he had just entered his teens.

"Oi, Allo! You little shit! You looking for a beating!?"

The priestess holding the donation bucket dropped it on the ground and bolted towards the troublemaker as she said some unexpectedly vulgar words.

"Gonna have to catch me first! Sacred Enhance Speed!"

A soft light enveloped him, and he prepared to run–

"Paralyze!"

Pax flicked her wand into her hand and nailed him with a paralysis spell, and he promptly fell over.

"Wha- hey, no fair! That's cheating… ah."

His voice trailed off as the priestess stood over him, veins bulging on her forehead.

I couldn't help but wince at the impact of her fist on his head. His eyes glazed over as he fell unconscious from the blow.

The priestess then turned to Pax, who flinched slightly, and bowed. Now that she's closer, I got a better look at her. She looked to be 15 or 16, with her hair in a single braid going down her back.

"Thank you very much for your assistance. I'm Artis, devoted servant of Eris. It's a pleasure to meet you."

Uwah, her speech pattern did a complete 180. I wonder if all Eris cultists are two-faced like that.

『Hey, don't insult my followers! They're all good kids!』

Yeah, yeah.

Pax was a bit speechless after witnessing Artis's sudden attitude shift, but quickly recovered her wits.

"Nice meet you too, I am Pax, and this Hideki… er, will he be okay?"

She pointed to the knocked-out troublemaker.

Artis glanced at him.

"Who, Allo? Don't worry, this blockhead is tougher than he looks. He'll be up again before the end of the day. Of course, he'll be waking up in a jail cell."

"I-I see… oh, right, is head priest around?"

Artis tilted her head.

"I'm afraid not. She's been in Accelia for the last few days."

『Oh yeah, the head priest that got that mob off my back.』

You got mobbed by your own followers? I thought you said they were good kids.

『… it was a misunderstanding. A-And it was only because they were too enthusiastic in their devotion…』

Pax seemed uncertain of what to do now. She was really betting on the head priest's assistance.

Hideki saw her hesitation, and cleared his throat.

"Um, it doesn't _have_ to be the head priest, right? It's not like we're looking for top secret info or anything. Are there any other priests we can talk to right now?"

"You mean right this second? That might be tricky, since we have a big sermon about to start… ah, if you want, you can talk with me while I take this guy to the police station."

As she said that, she effortlessly heaved the limp Axis cultist onto her shoulder. Jeez, priests in this world are insane.

『If she's a higher levelled priest, or maybe even an Archpriest, then having enough strength to lift a single person wouldn't be unusual at all.』

Thank you for the info, Erispedia.

『Wha– I was just thinking to myself, stop listening in!』

Again, not like I have a choice.

Pax seemed to like the suggestion.

"Okay, we walk and talk then."

Nice, I get to get away from that church.

『Why do you hate my church so much? I think it's a lovely building.』

No reason.

『… you're hiding something.』

I'm doing no such thing.

* * *

"Eh? Possessed by a goddess?"

"Just hypothetical. If person possessed, how would free them?"

Artis looked perplexed.

"I mean, even hypothetically, that question doesn't make sense."

"Eh? Why not?"

"Because gods can't possess humans."

"What?" x2

The two adventurers stopped in their tracks. Artis turned back.

"… why do you two seem so confused?"

"Er, are you _sure_ that it's impossible? Like there's no situation at all in which a goddess can possess someone?"

"Pretty sure. The more sinister ones _might_ be able to use a corpse as a vessel, but not a living person. Gods can't just overwrite a soul like that."

They fell into thought at that.

『… crap, this is bad, I might get found out as a non-human at this rate.』

Well, it's your own fault for playing around like you did.

『Hey, I wasn't "playing around!" I have an important job of cleaning up relics!』

You say that, but there could've been other ways to do that, no? Such as issuing a divine commandment to collect them, or getting an angel to run collection duty.

『That…』

Admit it, you only came down here yourself because you were bored. You tell yourself you're happy with your job, but the truth is you yearn for freedom and adventure.

『…』

Come on, don't be so ashamed. Hermes and Apollo were much the same. You should just be more honest with yourself.

『… I don't want to hear life advice from a body-snatching prankster.』

Fine, suit yourself.

"Jeez, nee-chan, you shouldn't lie to people like that."

"Eh?"x2

That Allo kid slung over Artis's shoulder seemed to have woken up. Pax's paralysis is apparently still in effect, though, as he was unable to move.

Pax happened to notice his choice of words.

"Wait, 'nee-chan?'"

Artis sighed.

"Yeah, that's right. This bothersome Axis cultist is my little brother."

An Eris cult older sister and an Axis cult younger brother? What an odd pair.

"That said, what the hell do you mean by calling me a liar!?"

Her rough tone of speaking is back. Seems like it's exclusively reserved for him.

Allo smirked.

"You said gods can't overwrite souls, but that's not true. If some believers associate them strongly with a human or another god, they can end up fusing together, although that's not something the god themselves can usually control."

"Oh… right, there was a thing like that."

『Wait, so the reason you were able to take me over is because–』

Yeah, someone who knew about both of us got some funny ideas. The only thing I'm guilty of is being an opportunist, alright?

"… eh? He is actually correct? Sorry, but heard Axis cultists were… um…"

"Stupid? They are. Joining gives you a massive intelligence debuff. This guy just happened to have intelligence to spare before he joined. It really is a waste."

"You call it a waste; I call it enlightenment!"

"Shaddap!"

Pax fell into thought.

"Chris was called Eris messiah, so maybe close enough? … wait."

She turned to the young man standing next to her.

"Hideki… when first met, you asked if Eris was discord goddess. You are only person ask that."

"Well, yes… wait, then… are you saying this is my fault!?"

"This started same day you appeared, so adds up."

"Oh, come on, how is that fair!? I got told I was going to be a hero but now apparently I've screwed things up just by coming here!?"

Ah, seems like we've found our culprit.

『Well, it's not like he did it on purpose or anything.』

"Stop fussing. You didn't do on purpose. Let us focus how to fix now."

Artis looked over her should at the two.

"I'm getting the feeling your question wasn't so hypothetical after all."

"Hey, nee-chan, what was their question? I was still out cold at that point so I missed it."

"It's none of your damn business. Look, we're at the police station now, so just get in your cell and don't cause any more problems for a bit, okay? Just a moment, you two, I'll be right back."

"You'll bring me dinner, right, nee-chan? The jail's food kinda sucks."

"That sounds like not my problem."

The priestess carried the still-paralyzed boy into the station, leaving the two adventurers behind. Damn, that paralysis spell really lasts a while, huh?

Pax turned to Hideki.

「–––––––––––––.」

「–––––––––?」

「––––––. ––––––––!」

… huh? I can't understand them.

『That's cause I'm not listening to them, so you can't use me as a Japanese translator anymore.』

Damn, gonna need to call in the warranty on my Erispedia.

『Joke all you want, but I'm not going to let you do as you please. And neither are my friends.』

The door to the station opened, and Eris's friends turned as Artis came back out.

"Sorry for the wait, you two. Now, was there anything else you wanted to ask?"

Pax seemed to waver for a moment, but in the next moment she steeled her resolve.

"Need help to defeat goddess."

I smiled.

Hey, as long as you guys don't bore me, I won't have any complaints.

Now, bring it on!

* * *

_**Footnote: **That modern worship mentioned in Discordia's journal is a real thing! Called Discordianism, it was founded in 1963 as a parody religion, and features the Greek goddess Eris as its principal deity._**  
**


End file.
